My grandma was my everything, she still is, she always will be. I am so angry that she left and now all I have is pain, everyday I wake and still feel this wet blanket of emotion covering me and I am unable to pull it off or shove it away.. No one close or distant gets it, I'm not okay, yeah the tears have stopped pouring down my face (most days) but there still flooding my insides, building up pressure, pushing at my heart and like a dam the banks eventually break and oh look here I am crying again and the heart ache continues on and on.. How much longer? She loved flowers, I hope that this part of me that has died will someday bloom again.
My grandmother passed away four days ago, just saying those words feels so surreal. She raised us for 14 yrs of my life and even after she was a major part of our lives. She also loved flowers very very much.. She would literally stop to smell the roses. What is helping me through this horrible feeling of emptiness is remembering that she lives on in me and my family. I also know she knew we loved her and I just keep thinking about things that I know SHE would have liked and the things that made HER happy. When I think of it from her perspective, all my guilt and regret of feeling like I could have done more feels a little less painful. I hope you find some peace in knowing that SHE knew you lived her dearly. God Bless you through this tough time.
