My grandma's.

by Alexander Pavlov

My grandma was a hard-working woman, she was always going around everywhere cooking, cleaning, making me smile...
The whole family was bad to her, including me.
Even on her dethbed I was selfish, thinking she will pull thru it like she always did...I knew she will pass away but still I had to be selfish and say shes fine and will be alright...It makes me laugh when I think what fool I was.

I promised her I will visit again in 3 or 4 days, she passed away the same night...or maybe was it the night after...I don't know, I feel like I'm a horrible person because I'm forgeting.
She was never angry when I did something bad to her, she always forgave me...I remember one of our last conversations...well partialy a conversation.
She asked me to get off of the computer and take a walk with her...I was playing a stupid game and sayed rather harshly to her that I don't want to and I want her to leave, she sayed alright, she wasn't angry just disapointed.
When she passed away I was blank, I never shed a tear and that makes me want to kill myself.
After her funeral everyone was lauhing at some silly stories that she experienced, they were not mocking her but still I accepted that as an attack to me personally...I didn't do nothing just walked out of the room after a certain event that hurt me.

The same thing happend to my other grandma, I promised to come visit her...well I did but not the way I wanted.
She passed away on the summer I decided to visit her on.
I never shed a tear there either...aren't I just a great?
She was a hard-working woman too.
She always put a smile on my face too.

Now I see my grandpa having trouble...if he passes away before I make my promise come true, I will go mental...I don't know what is going to happen, I have anger managment issues...

The promise I gave myself was to be nice to them before they pass away...I didn't make that promise come true to my grandma's but I will give everything I can to make that promise come true atleast for my grandfather...I love them all...I truly do.

If there is a hell, there will be a spot waiting just for me...that sounds funny, something reserved just for me.

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