My grandmother died
My grandmother died today... and I wasn't there. She lived in Mexico, and I live in Canada. She was like my second mother--my mom would always be working and I grew up with my grandmother, I even called her "mama."
She was very sick, had been very sick for many many years. Last time I went to Mexico it was, in fact, because she wanted to see me before she left us. That was 2 years ago. When I was there, she started recovering and everything started going back to normal. Then I came back to Canada to continue with my life. And for two years she was fine, still sick, but home, eating well, sleeping well. Last month, my mom told me that mama was in the hospital, "nothing serious," she said--it was a broken hip. I didn't go see her because it was nothing serious, but apparently, from that broken hip, her heart disease and stomach problems combined and she started getting worse every day. She stopped eating last week and died today. I cannot help but think that I should have been there--I feel guilty. I am so far away, I cannot even see her face one last time. The worst part is that I won't make her laugh ever again. We couldn't even speak on the phone for the past two years because she was losing her hearing.
For her last birthday, which was three weeks ago, I made her a video, mostly gesticulating, to which she raised both her arms and yelled my name, thinking that I was there live.
She was the best grandmother, and the strongest woman I ever met.
Wherever you are mama, I love you and I will miss you. You'll be in my heart always, as I know I was until your last day.