My grandmother. My best friend.

by Olivia rose
(England )

Me and my granma have always always been close. I lived with her, I have parents but I had just never got along with them. My gran was my best friend, she would cuddle me up at night and tell her a few story's a night about her life. I felt so safe in her arms, sometimes I would even cry just knowing that she won't always be here.. It's been 8 months since my gramma passed away in January this year.
One day I went along with her to a hospital appointment, I just thought it was a check up, but it turned out she had cancer. I remember everything that day, I remember sitting in the waiting room, I remember lying with her in the hospital bed that night while they were trying to put her on a ward. I didn't even know that that would be the last time I would get to see my grandma herself. So the next morning we came to visit her and she wasn't herself atal, she was totally different like she went abit loopy. I can't explain it but some of the things she was saying was extremely funny so we had a little laugh and all. Again, I had No idea this was going to permanent. She was in this hospital for around a month, and finally we got to take her home! I was so so so happy, we had to take the double bed out of her room because she needed a new bed and it was a single one and had something special for her back, it was pretty hard sleeping with her like that but I really didn't want to leave her. I even remember one night I was uncompfy so I slept on the floor right beside her still holding her hand. A few days later a doctor came to check on her and said she needed to be in hospital, so they took her back and put her in a new ward. We got to visit her every morning and afternoon for a few hours and for the weeks she was in there, I never missed a visiting. Sometimes she would say ' oh please take me home' and it would break my heart. I miss her so so much. Then she was took into a cancer patient hospital and she had her own room and it was quite lovely. It was an hour away but we managed to go every single day for her last 1/2 months. ( I'm bad with the times/dates) Every 2 days my mum and sister and brother would come along. Some days she would be happy and talk to us and it was so lovely, but then 70% of the time she would be sleeping so we would just sit with her for 2 hours until we had to go, those were the worst times. Then she got to come home and I'm not going to lie , it was SO difficult but I would do it a thousand more times if I had too. I had to take her to the toilet whenever she needed it which was very very difficult considering she could barely walk. She would have these bad moods, and I understand . The only two places she could go were her bed and her chair which were in the lounge 5 foot away from each other. I remember I was sleeping at my moms house and the next morning I came to the house and my dad had said the doctor had put her on a machine were she can't move, sleep or eat until she passes away peacefully. I just couldn't. I was devastated my gran only had 3 days too live. It hurts so badly. 3 mornings later I was awoken by my dad while I was a sleeping in my grans bed upstairs with my brother and sister. All he said was ' she's gone.' And I ran downstairs and I sat on a chair next to her bed and I remember crying so hard and she was still moving a little bit and my dad said ' it's her nerves left in her body' or something and then an hour later a man had come to take her and my dad said ' do you wanna go say goodbye' and I said yes so I went to her and I was crying that much I couldn't breath, it was too hard to breath. At the funeral I was the only one to get up and say something, again it was hard to breath I couldn't stop crying, I said a poem. And I had to stop now and then because I literally couldn't breath because I was so upset but I got threw it and I'm so proud of myself that I did. It's 8 months since she's passed. Nearly 9. And I still cry my self to sleep, every single night. I just will not accept the fact. I cannot. These past 9 months I have barely left my house! I lost all my friends! I have no one to speak to. When my gran was in the cancer hospital One night I was really upset saying goodbye to my gran and no one could understand why and when I got home So don't worry. I have bipolar and depression and anxiety Anyway this is about my gramma not me. I don't think I will ever get over my grandmothers death. I cried most nights when she was alive and well just thinking about her passing. Sometimes I get really angry and I have so so so much anger built up in side me. I would never throw sometimes or punch sometime so it's just kinda stuck inside of me. What hurts the most about all this is that my granma knew that she had cancer before any of this because of how she felt and stuff ( she had told somebody) and she could of actually gotten the help because she was strong enough then. But then because she left it all that time she was too weak to operate on. I just wish she wouldn't of done that.

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