My Grounding Force

by Lee Cottle
(Brownwood TX)

My mom isn't gone yet. She has just now told me that she has had cancer for over a year and chosen not to accept therapy. I don't know how I feel about this but I have to deal with it. It's her life and her decision.

I envy those who have brothers and sisters to help them through the tough times. I'm an only child and I have only myself to lean on. How do you deal with grief when you have to be strong for the person who is dying? How do you get through this when you're dying inside and still have to deal with the coming loss with strength and some kind of dignity because you don't want to let the dying person down yet again?

I've let her down so many times in my life and I can't do it now, not again. She has always been the grounding force in my life, the person I drew my strength from. Where will it come from now when I need it most?

I realize that I'm just feeling sorry for myself. She's to go home. She's old and tired and had to deal with too much pain in recent years as she's buried many of her younger siblings. My dad and my stepdad. A fiance'. Her best friend. Too much grief too close together, and many way too soon.

She told me that when she had to face the loss of my Aunt Ava, she just didn't care anymore and she doesn't want to live anymore, It hurts too much she says. But what about me and my children and all her nieces and nephews? Aren't we worth living for?

Comments for My Grounding Force

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Mar 04, 2010
be brave
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you feel, my beautiful mum died on the 8th feb 2010 from lung cancer, it was terrible watchinG my wonderful mum suffering, we all knew it was terminal my mum didn't. It would of cusified her if she would of known, everyday I went to my mums to look after her knowning she was going to die, everyday my mum expected to feel better; the hardest part is trying to stay positive for mum when you are faced with something so terrible.

The best advise I can offer you is try to make time for yourself, back massages, gym, eating healthy, taking vitamins, be as calm as you can, tell her happy stories, listen to music together, tell her how much you love her, remember this is a very important time in your mums life, and yours, this will really help you afterwards. Your mum is still here, be happy together, my mum said I was like a breath of fresh air when I went round everyday; it was difficult, but I knew how important it was to mum.

Good luck, be brave and do this for mum; it will make all the difference at the end xx

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