My handsome blue eyed son/with heart of gold/and prize winning smile died 2/2/2014
My handsome son had always liked to drink beer and beer only 2 weeks ago he thought he had the stomach flu but refused to go to the hosptial because of a bad wreck he was in about 10 yrs ago. I finally insisted on the friday before because he was really jaundiced and swollen-on sat night the blood vessels in his lungs and espaghus had rupurted and he was on a ventenlator for only about 2 hrs when we had to make the decision the take him off-he was heavily sedated but knew my voice and opened his blue eyes for me one last time and I prayed with him for the lord to come into his heart and heal him and take him home-1 second later he was gone-he had lived with me for about 4 years and I am so lost I walk from room to room and see him and smell him and feel him. The heartache is so terrible I may have a good hour and then something reminds me of him I am so terribly lost-You have to deal with such terrible things like the death certificate which maybe if I had made him go to the dr 2 weeks earlier he would be alive.Or the bills you start to get from the hospitals. I have a group of wonderful friends and another son and a daughter but they are struggling so badly also. I have a strong faith that he is not hurting anymore and is heaven with my parents and his pets. I raised my children for all their lives as a single parent and I also am the caregiver for my younger brother you abused drugs and alcohol all his life. And I am so angry when you see other people abusing their bodies so badly and still doing it over and over daily. I am up now at 1 AM trying to wear myself out until I can sleep but his handsome face comes to me every time I lay down. How do we deal with this. I had my grandchildren by my other children this weekend and they usually make me so happy but I am so sad I dont think they had a good time.