My handsome blue eyed son/with heart of gold/and prize winning smile died 2/2/2014

by pyoung
(kc missouri)

My handsome son had always liked to drink beer and beer only 2 weeks ago he thought he had the stomach flu but refused to go to the hosptial because of a bad wreck he was in about 10 yrs ago. I finally insisted on the friday before because he was really jaundiced and swollen-on sat night the blood vessels in his lungs and espaghus had rupurted and he was on a ventenlator for only about 2 hrs when we had to make the decision the take him off-he was heavily sedated but knew my voice and opened his blue eyes for me one last time and I prayed with him for the lord to come into his heart and heal him and take him home-1 second later he was gone-he had lived with me for about 4 years and I am so lost I walk from room to room and see him and smell him and feel him. The heartache is so terrible I may have a good hour and then something reminds me of him I am so terribly lost-You have to deal with such terrible things like the death certificate which maybe if I had made him go to the dr 2 weeks earlier he would be alive.Or the bills you start to get from the hospitals. I have a group of wonderful friends and another son and a daughter but they are struggling so badly also. I have a strong faith that he is not hurting anymore and is heaven with my parents and his pets. I raised my children for all their lives as a single parent and I also am the caregiver for my younger brother you abused drugs and alcohol all his life. And I am so angry when you see other people abusing their bodies so badly and still doing it over and over daily. I am up now at 1 AM trying to wear myself out until I can sleep but his handsome face comes to me every time I lay down. How do we deal with this. I had my grandchildren by my other children this weekend and they usually make me so happy but I am so sad I dont think they had a good time.

Comments for My handsome blue eyed son/with heart of gold/and prize winning smile died 2/2/2014

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Jun 22, 2014
final resting place
by: pyoung

yesterday 6.21 we laid my son in his final resting place. had been 4 months since his death and my dtr would not let us bury his ashes until now,was so hard to almost go thru the whole thing again. i am having a really bad day. i do not like sundays they have always seemed so long and lonely to me.
My son is resting in a beautiful place with lost of rolling hills green grass and beautiful trees he was a landscaper and this is so perfect for him.

just gonna have to start all over keeping on keeping on and know that is final place would be his kind of place. so dealing with my sadness again but hopefully can go on yesterday was the summer soltice the 1st day of summer and longest day of the year i told him how wonderful the days were. thanks to all for your support and a containing to ask God and my son for comfort and strength.

Jun 18, 2014
Closure
by: Anonymous

there has been alot of family drama with my dtr and we our just now 6/21 burying my sons ashes and i am so dreading this ordeal-have tried to rest keep busy and pray and ask for comfort and peace-miss him so much every day am keeping ajournal and on is face book page. will try and keep it together to get thru the burial. thanks all for your response and pray that all of us can find an inner peace. Read my bible, Joyce Meyers, and trying to keep on keeping on because he always said. It will be Ok mom I love You Mom and It is what it is mom. Prayers to all suffering such a terrible heartache

Mar 05, 2014
Loss of a son
by: Anonymous

Another blue eyed son gone. Mine at age 31. I too told him I didn't ever want to lose him. And he told me not to worry. Its been almost a year now, and of course its still so hard. He was a drug addict, and he had infections as well. But a lethal dose is what killed him. I saw him in the morning, and by noon he was gone. Its so hard, and like others, I wished somehow I could have saved him. Miss him every minute of the day.

Mar 03, 2014
Faith
by: Anonymous

To the last comment, I too continue everyday sad and crying for the loss of my son. but I believe that my son and God are right here with me. Our heart break is for ourselves that were left behind not for our love ones. I know my son is sad when I am sad and happy when I'm happy. I too thought of drinking or doing something that might ease the pain of my heart break, but I know God nor my son would want this for me. My son lived with so much pain before he left this world. He knows how hard it was for him and he wouldn't want that for me. My son was a drug addict and alcohol is similar if you use it to drown the pain. I too am allergic to pain killers almost all of them so that part I understand I just deal with it when I am in pain. Even after back surgery. I have not had much exp. with grief, but grieving for my child is not something I thought I would ever have to do. some days are just so hard my heart hurts, I just want to see him and talk to him. I know he is happy, and the tears are for me not for him. He is with God what a perfect place to be and one day I will meet him there. I was taught from a early age Love God, Love yourself and then love others. But sometime that does get all mixed up and I put other before God, but I know he understands what I am going through. I pray that the tears for my son and the pain lessen soon. But I pray for the mothers that they find peace in God that they may become stronger and know that there loves are with him. I loved my son from his first breath to his last. I will see him again! That is my only peace I have right now. It has only been a few weeks since my son left this world and its day to day. But I pull strength from my promises that God gave me.

Mar 03, 2014
SEVERE GRIEF ATER almost 14 years
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous, I am sorry for your loss of your son 14yrs. ago. When one is in severe pain and no one understands the easiest thing to do is to turn to alcohol to numb our pain regardless of whether one is a Christian or not. Don't fill yourself with guilt that you are still drinking and still hurting. Put a plan into action.
First tell God that you don't want to still be using alcohol to numb your pain of losing your son. Involve yourself with something in life that will take your attention and be beneficial to your emotional well being. It could be doing an exercise class. learning a new hobby. Doing voluntary work. Getting involved in a Church project. You will be chanelling yourself into something with vision that is going to help you Heal from your pain. Ask God for HELP in not using alcohol. My husband was a drinker. I am a Christian. He was always buying alcohol whilst I would pour it down the sink at times. When I lost my husband to cancer 21 months ago I was tempted to use alcohol to numb the pain. But I knew this would only postpone my grief and make me feel worse and take years to overcome. I recently went to our Health Food Shop and they were selling non Alcoholic ginger wine. I bought 2 bottles on Sale. When I feel down or need cheering up I use this NON ALCOHOLIC wine as a pick me up. It is not the real thing. But it works whilst I am grieving, when I need it. I used to use any red non alcoholic juice. Put it in a fine wine glass and drown my sorrows. I vowed to never use alcohol again. I had to pull myself out of this pit of despair and nurture myself in other ways. I do something to build myself up each day. YOU will find ways to do this for yourself. Meantime lose the guilt and Go to GOD. Seek God's guidance and strength and take one day at a time with a new perspective. You will OVERCOME.

Mar 03, 2014
Regrets
by: Doreen UK

pyoung It is early days and only a few weeks since you lost your son. Our minds automatically go into the mode that we wonder about all the "What if's". When my husband was diagnosed in 2009 with the worst devastating terminal cancer ever which was in his body growing for 40yrs. I didn't know what hit me. My life flashed so fast before me in fast motion. I think this is normal to the first stage of grief. Let it come and pass. Don't FOCUS too much on this aspect of having taken your son sooner for medical treatment. When is there ever going to be the perfect time when we do what we think is the right thing to do?? We don't know. We take a chance. Many have gone to the hospital for treatment and turned away. Their medical condition has been dismissed as nothing serious and then the person died. So many factors can work against us even when we do the right thing. There are no guarantees in life that we will even some of the time do things spot on. I don't know why my husband was not healed of his cancer from a God who is "THE HEALER." I have to accept that it was not to be. Wondering if your son suffered before he died is a typical Mom thing. We are the nurturers of our children even our Adult children. WE have this need to protect them and we can TORTURE ourselves of how they suffered before they died. This is the big one. How I cope is to realise that God would have taken a person quickly to prevent them feeling the depth of pain that we think they suffered. Angels would have carried our loved one's home to God. Some are too ill to feel anything. God is with them at this time. Our suffering at losing our loved one's is an on going pain that our loved one's are not going through. WE wish our grief could end as quickly as our loved one's passed from this world. This is the pain we endure now. I hope you will overcome these early grief feelings of WONDERING. WE all do it. It is torture. But it will soon pass. Believe it.

Mar 02, 2014
SEVERE GRIEF AFTER almost 14 years
by: Anonymous

I lost my beautiful baby boy 24 years old almost 14 years ago I am still heartbroken and I drink everyday knowing that this is not in accordance with God and his upbringing------I also am very very disabled and hurt and am allergic to all meds but then we can find any reason at all to justify drinking and I believe everyday that I am sinning just trying to cope with the severe pain and my green-eyed boys death--------But I am a Christan person and I should be stronger-------GOD'S BLESSINGS ON ALL ALL MOTHER's suffering from this tremendous heartbreak

Feb 25, 2014
loss of a son
by: Anonymous

I too lost my son a few weeks ago, he was my first born and he too had blue eyes. I dream all they time and for the most part its about him. My son was a drug addict and I just thought with a little help he could quit. From his heroin usage he got an infection which he didn't know he had and went into a coma, he never opened his eyes but he did try to call my name while he was in the hospital. I have tried to make since of why, or what I could have or would have done if I was only given the chance. My son never left messages on my cell phone, but the strangest thing. I couldn't delete my messages for weeks I had tried but after I put his message back over into my message center I could delete all the others. I listen to it 1 to 20 times a day and I am sure like you all we have are pictures and memories that we recall all day long. I pray for you and other mothers like us that God gives us the strength to get through this. I told my son last year if something happened to him it would just break my heart, his answer was don't worry mom nothings going to happen to me. I lost my mom a few years ago, but I have never hurt so bad in my life. I think its a day to day thing and some days are better than others. I to blamed my self and still go back to blaming myself from time to time. But it is no ones fault. You loved your son and you didn't know just like I didn't. But there is one thing you and your know as do I with mine. You loved your son and he knew that and he opened his eye for you so you could see him and he could see you. I to smell my son from time to time, I thought that was so crazy but it makes me feel better that you do too. I too am have no idea how I will ever be normal again or if I ever will but I do know it will take time for both of us. And I just pray for all the mother that have lost children that peace & understanding comes soon.

Feb 24, 2014
regrets
by: Anonymous

thank you for all the supports and words of wisdom my biggest thing now is how to deal with the what if i had taken him sooner what if he was afraid when he passed the things your mind does to you are so terrible.thanks again pyoung

Feb 23, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

I'm so sorry. Grief is overwhelming and we feel so many emotions. I lost my oldest son15 months ago and don't know how I go on. Only with God. Take one day at a time to get through. It is so hard I know. My heart is with you.

Feb 20, 2014
handsome blue eyed , heart of gold, winning smile
by: christine

God is with us, to give us strength and hope. Without my strong faith I do not know what I would have done. Your son is at peace and you will be reunited some day. Be with your family enjoy your grandchildren, they will bring you joy. Also keep the memories of your son close, they will keep your son always alive. My son was 38, he to had blue eyes and was very loving and caring. He had been living with me for 3 years. I had no idea how bad his drinking was. I knew he had an issue with alcohol but I had no idea how bad. He had been living in Ca. working in construction, then in 2008 when the economy went dead he lost everything. My heart broke to hear him cry. He tried to pick up the pieces and move on, but he hit one dead end after another. He moved to Reno, Nv. but come back home which I loved. He started over again. I did everything I could for him. I loved him so much. He was my only child and he had never been married, so no grand children. It has been one year and I miss him so much. We had so much fun. I found him when I got home from work one day. He died of a fatty liver because he was a chronic alcoholic. I do have some wonderful memories that I hold on tight to. I have his picture every where. " God saw that he was getting tired and a cure was not to be, so he put His arms around him, and whispered, "Come with me." " We will see our boys again for now they have taken a different road. God Bless you and your family.

Feb 19, 2014
My handsome blue eyed son/with heart of gold/and prize winning smile died 2/2/2014
by: Doreen UK

pyoung I am so sorry for the loss of your son. A mother's worst heartache is to lose a child/adult child. I can understand going from room to room and feeling so lost and not knowing how to cope with this loss. So many emotions crowding you at one time. Then there are the other family members hurting also and you just don't know where to start the grieving process. Not to mention all the administration ahead of the death. Getting the death certificate. Closing down bank accounts. Claiming life insurance (if this was in place). Attending to car insurance, Social security if benefits were paid. and on and on it goes. You wonder if it will ever stop. Having good support from family and friends is so important. Each of my family members took a responsible part in division of sections so it wasn't too much for one person (me) to deal with. Every day food was brought in and laid on the counter and someone was always available to serve food and drinks. This is so valuable a support. Otherwise a person can feel as if they are crumbling with it all. We have so much to deal with in life as we go on. But we take it in our stride. But we have just as much to do at point of death to tie up our loved one's affairs and it can be stressful and wear us out because it comes all at once. You are also caring for your young brother. Just make sure you pace yourself and also do one good thing for yourself each day and build on this. You will be building yourself up to cope with these immense responsibilities you have before you. But I am sure you understand since you brought up a family single handed, and this couldn't have been easy. Don't neglect yourself. So easy to do as a carer. People take drugs for different reasons without realising the devastation to their own body and their families. Often there is no way back from this addiction. Beating yourself up or the one suffering achieves nothing. FOCUS on how you can get support for yourself, and how to move forward one day at a time. Take yourself off and out of caring with regular breaks. You need to care for yourself whilst you are also caring for a family. I am doing this and I feel good. Pacing myself I know I can cope. I take one day at a time. this also helps. May God come close to you and comfort you with His Love and Peace.

Feb 18, 2014
My son Alan 26
by: Ellen Mclean

Am so sorry for your loss my heart is sore for you and your family, I lost my son Alan 5years ago he died of a DVT I to wished I had made him go to the hospital the night before ,he had a swollen leg I suggested he go to eh hospital but he said he go the next day, so him and his girlfriend came to my house i said to him to phone me when you get to the hospital , one hour later my son was dead, he never made it to the hospital he died at a bus stop, the ambulance and paramedics couldn't save him, it's so hard to know that I will never see him he's always with me, I also have 2 other boys Andrew 30 and jack 16 two grandchildren, the emptiness in my life is awful , it's a journey know parent should feel , I wish you and your family some peace x

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