my heart aches....

by maaria,mcfarland
(hamilton newzealand.)

its only been 32 hours ago since i had to make the decision to put you down you had been sick and not well all of a sudden you had fallen ill,you had always been there for me non judging and loveing no questions asked ,and the decision to put you to sleep as your liver had started to fail was like stabbing my self in the heart, i wasnt ready to say goodbye ,still cant beleave your gone i woke this morning and 4 a quick moment i had forgotten,just for a moment, then the reality hit me like a slap to the face,i feel like i betrayed you as you looked at me with fright and fear im so sorry panda (my cat),i miss you soooo much my heart aches. . its been 32 hours since you have gone, i cant beleave this pain lasts so long,my tears fall like a stormy day ,wishing the pain would ease slowly away,remembering what youve done for me,unconditional love inevatably,i miss you so much like a sunny day,cant wait till i meet you again someday,for now i will wait ,i have to beleave when its my time to come no more will i greive,to me you were family loveing and true till we meet again ill always love you. r.i.p. Panda. 13/4/2012.

Comments for my heart aches....

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May 05, 2012
I know how you feel
by: Kathleen

Hi, I had to make a decision within half an hour of diagnosis of my little 6 year old, beloved Tillie cat - I was shocked, I had not realised she was so desperately ill, she had not seemed to be.

I now am wracked with guilt, sadness and loss, it is the most dreadful thing ever. I have lost other beloved pets, but thankfully never had to make a decision to let them go, this hurts so much more. I keep seeing her frightened eyes and I wish I had spent more time with her before letting her go, keep beating myself up over all sorts of things.

I have now learned that anyone who has to make the decision to have their pet PTS, feels guilty, whether they did it too soon, or too late. I wasn't even prepared, not that would have been pleasant, but at least I could have spend my last few days with her making the biggest fuss ever, not that I did not fuss her, but if only I had known. This cannot be changed and I have to learn to deal with it, people have been very kind and understanding and I know that I made the right decision, I am sure you did too. I wish you well and that slowly we will both heal from this experience, but it certainly makes me wonder about ever getting another pet, I could not go through this again.

Apr 30, 2012
Losing Panda!
by: Anne O'Meara

Hello Maaria:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had to put
my beautiful cat to sleep 21 days ago and the
pain and heartache that one goes through. Its losing a member of your family. Like you, I could not sleep, cried for 2 weeks every day and I miss him so much. Nobody seems to understand how you feel until you go through it. I lost interest in food, etc. Try and remember the good times that you had with Panda. Cats are so sensitive to their owners and know when you are tired or upset. I made a house move 5 months ago to the Vancouver and realized I did
not like leaving in a built up area and a smaller space. Toby missed the trees, birds, and lot space in fact he looked sad looking out
at apartment buildings all day. I'm planning to move back to the country within the next 5 months and start a new chapter in my life but I will not
have Toby.

Take care,


Apr 15, 2012
It's So Hard To Let Go
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was put my cat Tommy down. He looked up and me and meowed. It broke my heart. That was almost two years ago and still it haunts me. We do what we have to do so they don't suffer any longer but somehow it doesn't feel right. It was the right thing to do.
I believe animals go to heaven. We will all be reunited some day.

Apr 15, 2012
May Panda RIP
by: Sandy

Dear Maria,
I have realized the pain of losing one's pet . It cannot be put down in words. Our world seems empty without our fur babies. Like you , daily I feel the vacuum during early mornings when I and my pet cat 'Poochie ' used to spend some quality time together. There used to be only two of us. Out pets give us unconditional love. My pet Poochie (she was only a kitten about an year old) left this world on 21st March 2012 and not a single day has passed without me thinking of her .I am trying a lot to get over my grief. May God give you strength to bear the pain. Your Panda would be grateful to you for alleviating the pain due to its illness. You must not feel guilty about putting it to sleep. Think about the nice moments you spent with your fur child. May Panda RIP.

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