My Heart Feels Hollow After Dad Suddenly Died

by Claire
(Peterborough, UK)

The day after I got married in October 2012, I got the shattering news that my Dad had myeloma (a form of blood cancer). While the doctors were confident that his chemo was working, he really did seem so very ill, and just a few weeks later he had pneumonia causing a collapsed lung, followed by a stroke. We were told he wouldn't last the night - on a cold Monday six weeks ago.

Against all the odds he fought his way through and last week we got the news we'd all prayed for - he was due home today, 18th December. He was so excited to continue his chemo recovery at home (I live a couple of hours away from my parents so it's not easy to be there as often as I like).

Yesterday, at around 8pm, I got a phonecall from the ward sister at the hospital. The only words I remember her saying were 'Your dad...collapsed...couldn't save.....passed away'. My husband took the phone from me when I made a guttural howling noise. The nurse told him she couldn't reach anyone else in the family - they were all at various other commitments. For two hours I bore the awful truth before finally getting in touch with my Mum, who broke down instantly. When we got to the hospital around midnight, seeing him finally made me realise that it wasn't a mistake, no clerical error, my Dad really did just suddenly die. To make matters worse, the police were there because it was so sudden and unexplained. I kissed his forehead and told him that I loved him.

This was all only yesterday. The pain is like a thousand spikes stabbing at every inch of me. Every memory good and bad floods into my mind and hurts. He was meant to be coming home today, how could fate be so so cruel to tear that away? Because of the time of year and the 'unexplained' nature of his passing, we may need to wait until the new year to get answers/arrange a funeral. This is too much. I wish it wasn't Christmas next week, and I wish my Birthday soon after. I'm an only child and I can't face the prospect of months and months of this consuming pain.

I just wish I could understand why.

Comments for My Heart Feels Hollow After Dad Suddenly Died

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Jan 15, 2013
My heart goes out to you
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous my heart goes out to you as you sit with your dying father and worried about how you will cope. I was worried about this also. You do find strength within to go on and do what you have to. You will cry often and feel you are falling apart. This is all part of the grief. You won't grieve all at once. This will happen in stages. Healing is a slow process. But here on this site you will have the support you need. Don't be afraid to reach out for a lifeline when all Hope is gone. May God comfort you all at this difficult time and bring you all Peace.

Jan 12, 2013
My heart goes out to you..
by: Anonymous

I just got back from the hospital after my dad was rushed to hospital. My dad is near dying and there is nothing I can do about it. He is so bad he could die at any moment, even as I write this because he can't breath and is on 24hr oxygen. I know when he dies I will feel like ***t, not looking forward to it at all and not sure how or if I will cope.

Dec 19, 2012
My Heart Feels Hollow After Dad Suddenly Died.
by: Doreen U.K.

Claire I am so deeply sorry for your sudden loss of your father. You will feel like everything is rushing so fast in front of you that you won't be able to process this loss fully. Of course it has come at the worst time of the year. Christmas next week and it is so UNFAIR. There is nothing worse than feeling that all is going well and then suddenly all your HOPE has gone and you are suddenly faced with this news that crushes you and breaks you into pieces you wonder how you will go on. My sympathies to your mother who will have lost her husband at the worst time of life. I lost my husband to cancer 7 months ago. I nursed him for over 3yrs. with the worst cancer and had to watch him die slowly. I can feel every sorrow you are facing. There is nothing worse than when your HOPE is dashed GONE. Your expectation for your father's recovery and then suddenly to be told over the phone your father has died is the worst news ever. I remember March 28th 2009. My Husband being told by the doctor. "You have a rare and serious cancer which is inoperable, incurable, and aggressive. We want to start Chemotherapy immediately. I sat in the nurses office and cried and cried whilst my husband sat in silence and couldn't process the fact. "I AM GOING TO DIE." It has been the most horrendous journey till his death 7 months ago. It will be my first Christmas without him. I feel crushed by your loss as I remember my own. Your mother will need a lot of support especially with a sudden unexpected death. Don't hesitate to go to CRUSE bereavement and be supported as this will take the horrible edge off the pain till you can work through your grief. Support is needed at facing a sudden death. May God comfort You all in Your Loss and give you Peace in your sorrow.

Dec 19, 2012
My heart goes out to you
by: Katie

My heart goes out to you, I lost my dad very suddenly in November and I remember the pain was like my heart had been ripped out. Nothing anyone can say will take that away but a few people have said to me the more it hurts the more they ment to you and in years to come you can look back on good times. I hope they're right.
I really really horrible time of year but I'm glad for you you had your wedding, we'll be starting to plan ours in the new year and I don't know how I'll face it without my dad.
Take one day at a time and I hope you find some peace in the new year x

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