My Heart FOREVER Broken!

by Susan
(Fairmount Indiana)

Joshua, 24, a man, a father, my son, my only child. 6'2, Dark Beautiful eyes, a smile to miss every day, a sense of humor we adored, a face a mother does love and longs for.
7 Years ago, a life time, ON March 12, 2006, I lost Joshua in Afghanistan. In a country far from home. A place he had to be. A place I can not even imagine.
He lived all his life in a small town. He played basketball, played football and track through his High School days. A town that you have best friends growing up. A place where everything reminds me of him.
Some wonderful memories of my son and some not so much called life. Quilt.
I have gone through the days where I wanted to stay in bed. I wanted to die along beside him. Not being able to raise my arms or pick up my feet. Where your head hurts so bad from stress and your stomach can't eat. Sounds of anguish coming from your heart. A Grief that I did not even know existed.
Josh (his preference)was growing into a man. A father who loved his children. My friend. I miss my son every single day. I will always miss him. He will always be the center of my world. The person who taught me unconditional love.
I write this thinking it sounds like a documentary but how do you put on paper the love, joy, life, loss, grief of an only child? I feel it all, some days to the floor.
I am here to tell you, YOU will never be the same person again. You will never have a complete joyful soul again. But you can live again. You can go on. You can laugh and look forward to stuff. Enjoy your grand kids but YOUR HEART will never ever completely heal. Signed: Mother Love for JOSHUA

Comments for My Heart FOREVER Broken!

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Aug 27, 2014
Unimaginable
by: Doreen UK

Gale,
I am so sorry for your loss. STICK with your therapy. Therapy saved my life and gave it back to me in full measure. Don't be tempted to leave therapy too soon. Healing is always around the corner. Life will improve for you even if it take years. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is how we all get through our grief. Healing is a slow process. But the rewards outweigh the pain you face in therapy/counselling.
Remember therapists/counsellors are Human, and go through what we do also. But they are highly skilled with Empathy, and the healing from this will give you Wholeness and HOPE.

Aug 26, 2014
Unimaginable
by: Gale

Susan,
I'm with you - it's only been less than 3 months and the pain and grief is so gut wrenching that I don't care if I live or die some days. I would never intentionally take my life but I truly believe I could die from a broken heart. Please give me hope that I will think and feel differently in the years to come? I am in therapy with a wonderful therapist who lost her only son, 5 years ago, in Iraq at the age of 24. She is my compass - I see her functioning and think to myself, "there is hope."

God bless you Susan - Gale

Aug 17, 2014
Words
by: Kate

I understand those words and know I will never be the same again. My inner self will never know full joy as I did before I lost my wonderful kind loving son to the enemy death. I am with you in your words. Thank you for sharing what we all know and feel,we know we are not alone.

Aug 15, 2014
still suffering
by: SLR

you are correct in that you NEVER get over the tragic loss of your child. Mike was 27 and died from brain cancer in 2014. He had finally found his place in life in Colorado and was going to school to focus on alternative energy solutions. Then- BAM- he is diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Ten years later I still am reeling in the pain of losing him. My heart is forever broken. I miss Mike so much.

Aug 15, 2014
My Heart FOREVER Broken!
by: Doreen UK

Susan you expressed your story of your beloved Joshua well. You documented your life and pain well and to the point it tugged at my heartstrings. I have 3 Adult children I hope I never lose. I am not a stranger to grief having lost my mother 11yrs. ago and recently my beloved husband of 44yrs. to a deadly cancer 2yrs. ago. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days. I would not presume to say I understand what you are feeling having lost your son. But I understand your grief. I understand Pain and loss. As a mother I can feel the pain of the empty nest and how painful this is. You will never ever get over the loss of your son. Memories will come back to assault you and make you feel your pain all over again. The healing process is so slow and you feel as if you will be this way forever. But to your testimony you are healing. You are trying to push through your pain to give Hope and comfort to those mothers who have lost a child/adult child. Telling them it does get better. It hurts to never see your loved one again. It hurts all the time knowing that where once a person lived they don't live there anymore and there is this deep VOID and HOLE in your life and you can't fill it ever again. Love hurts. Death hurts. Life hurts. May God comfort you each day and help you heal from your loss of Joshua and give you the Hope that you will see him again. God is near to the Broken hearted.

Aug 14, 2014
forever broken
by: Vicky

how true, my son was one of five, they are all you think of day and night, your heart never ever heals

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