My Heart Hurts

by Dominique
(Chicago, Illinois )

It will be a year on November 21st that my mom has been gone. They say the first anniversary is the hardest but every one of my dad's anniversaries have been hard. I feel myself feeling those feelings of guilt, anger, and depression. My 25th birthday is coming up and I'm not even excited because neither of my parents are alive to celebrate it with me. I would give anything to have them back. I have no siblings, it's only me.Do you guys have any suggestions on how to get through the first anniversary? I feel so sad already and it's my friend's birthday. I don't know how to tell her that it's hard for me to be around her and her family right now without feeling like a jerk. Man, this is hard...

Comments for My Heart Hurts

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Dec 06, 2013
Heal slowly Dom...
by: Anonymous

I know how you feeling I am an only child as well and my dad died when I was two and my mom two years now. it is very hard I miss my mom a lot. and no siblings to share my pain.Just hang in there days are good and some worse than others... Take it as it comes and get a pet or a hobby.

Nov 19, 2013
I lost my Mom on Nov 20, 2012
by: Anonymous

Hi Dominique, my Mom passed last Nov. 20th, and I know what you are saying. I feel the same. It seems that knowing what a year without my Mom feel like, I am grieving deeper than at the time she passed. Her birthday was a couple days ago, that was a tough day. You know last year this was Thanksgiving week, as you well know. Even though I had just lost my Mom, I also felt so grateful to have had her for my Mom, she was wonderful, I hit the jackpot on Moms. I buried my Mom on my birthday. Now with my birthday coming this year, well its not good, I'm not looking forward to it at all. I guess I am expecting that my friends and family should know that I am grieving and let me work it through. Your friend should understand its a difficult time for you too. Perhaps you can plan something with your friend in the coming weeks. I am hoping, for myself that after I get past this week things will improve, hoping same for you. Well, I don't have alot of advice, but I wanted to let you know I hear you, my feelings are similar, trust your instincts, good friends understand and want to be supportive, but often don't know how to do that. I know I sure don't know myself, just feeling I'm locked in my seat on the grief roller coaster. Well, I don't know if my rambling is helpful, but I'm sending a friendly hug. We will both get though this.

Nov 09, 2013
Thanks for the support!
by: Dominique

Hi everyone, thanks for your comments. They really mean a lot to me. Julie, my dad was 42 when he died five years ago and my mom was 46 when she died last year.

Nov 03, 2013
Dear Dominique
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you are struggling. I am an only child as well, and I lost my Dad in January. Every day is hard for me, and some days are easier than others. My heart hurts too, and I physically ache sometimes from the pain of it all. I have found that I do what I can, and I try to take one day at a time. I think social events can be hard, so do what feels right for you. I'm sure your friend will understand if you don't feel up to celebrating. I hope you find some comfort on this website. We all understand your pain and sorrow. Wishing you peace, Barb

Nov 03, 2013
by: julie reynolds

Hi dominique, im so sorry to read you have lost your mum & your dad , if you dont mind me asking how old were they ? Have you been for any grief councilling at all? It is helpful , i do recommend it ! I lost my mum just over 7weeks ago & the pain is massive , i would say , with social events only do what you want to yourself , i can see what you mean about how to cope with your friends family , it will be difficult because i think about daughters & mums together & wish that was me with my mum , councillers are brilliant with helping you deal with difficult situations ! Thinking of you

Nov 03, 2013
My Heart Hurts
by: Doreen UK

Dominique I am sorry for your loss of your mom and dad and for the difficulty you are feeling around the upcoming 1st anniversary of your loss of your mother.
I lost my husband to cancer 18 months tomorrow. my husband died 16 days before his birthday and we all as a family went to the graveside and put up many balloons and cards and flowers and paid our only respects this way.
All the birthdays, Christmas's, anniversaries of every kind whether marriage or death is hard. But I got through this one day at a time and I also nurtured myself back into life. Do lovely things for yourself each day making it a special time for YOU. You will be building yourself up from grief this way. This is a good foundation. then build on this. Go out for a meal, enjoy life with your friends. Your mother would want you to be happy and not give up on life. It took me a year to start to get my motivation back. I still keep up the traditions for the rest of the family even though it is not the same and never will be. I just have to make the effort to build new memories in to each day that makes life worth living. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. But if you think it is too early to start enjoying life then you will have to make your friend aware that you don't feel like being around anyone at the time coming up to the 1st anniversary of your loss of your mother. If she is a good friend she will respect your wishes and your need for privacy. Many people fear being assertive in case they lose their friends, or feel their friends won't like them anymore. You need to start being true to yourself and don't appease friends. this grief is about You. No one should tell you or expect you to have recovered from grief. It is a long slow process. You are in control and can plan how you want to spend the time. try though and surround yourself with good things. Do things to cheer yourself up and do this every day. You will start to feel better, and heal from your grief.

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