My heart is black.......

by will
(columbus,ohio)

My dad died over a year ago.I found out he had cancer 3 months before he died. He never told me he was sick.I'm so hurt that he didn't tell me. He knew he was sick atleast 2 years before his death. My older dumb as* brother knew he was ill and never told me. My mom died 20 years ago (murdered) due to protecting my dumb as* older sister. They should both still be here if I had any control over either situations. I can't forgive and the worse part.......Ihave no one to talk too

Comments for My heart is black.......

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Sep 19, 2012
My heart goes out to "My heart is black"
by: Anonymous

It's very painful, and so easy to be angry, especially with those whom you feel are to blame; however, try your best to keep the peace & also your sanity, grieving is a process, and takes different amounts of time for each individual. The good thing is that you have found this site. When ever you feel depressed you can read what everyone else has posted. I some way, I'm sure that it will help you to know that your feelings are not "strange" but also felt by many. We're all here for you - hang in there!!!

Sep 15, 2012
my black heart
by: will

Thanks for your response.

Sep 12, 2012
Departure Date
by: Anonymous

Their departure dates were set before they were even brought into this world. If your dad wanted you to know that he was ill, he would have told you. Maybe he didn't make the choice you wanted, but you can't hold that against your sibling.

Sep 12, 2012
My heart is black..........
by: Doreen U.K.

Will I am sorry for your loss of your Mom 20 years ago and your Dad recently. I lost my husband to cancer 4 months ago. I know how you feel. You feel let down. You feel betrayed by your brother and sister for leaving you out of the family. and not respecting you and how you feel. Your brother and sister have excluded you from the family by being secretive. This is wrong and you have every right to feel the way you do. You don't have a black heart.... I have struggled with FORGIVENESS all my life. Over 40yrs. Not because I didn't want to forgive. I didn't know how to get beyond my pain to eventually FORGIVE. Whilst you are in PAIN from being let down you won't be able to forgive. First you have to try and communicate to your brother and sister and make them friends and not an enemy, even if they don't deserve it. don't bad mouth your brother and sister by using the term dumb as*. If you respect others you will probably be treated with respect. (not always) but mostly. Try and be a loving person. If you can't get past your anger, try and go for counselling and try to resolve your hurts with the support of a counsellor. It does work because I have tried this. When you go into counselling and resolve conflicts they evaporate and often FORGIVENESS is not the issue. You just can't see beyond your natural anger from not being treated with care, sensitivity, and Love. It does hurt when family members keep secrets from us, as if we were invisible. CONFRONT your brother and sister and let them know how you feel and what they have done by excluding you from the family. Tell them how much this has HURT YOU. You will eventually be able to move forward into better relationships. WE won't always get on with our family. In the Bible it says. A man's enemies are those of his own household. I have experienced this as has so many other people in the world. We don't get life easy. But we will be happier every time we do the right thing when we don't feel like doing it. Do it anyway. You will one day see beyond your grief. You will be happy again. Build yourself up into the fine young man your parents raised you to be. Don't let the behaviour of your brother and sister change you into someone who is not nice to be around. Develop the good in yourself. Be Positive and your world will change and so will you. Be Happy! May you be Blessed in Life!!!

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