My Heart, My soul, My sister <3

by Kayla
(FT WW Alaska)

For 23 years of one another's lives, we were inseperable, did everything together... playing, fighting... My sister was 23 years old when she passed away October 8th 2012. I live in Alaska, and when I received that phone call from my father, I died inside... this wasn't suppose to happen, it was to soon. She had just given birth 8 months ago to her 3rd child, a little girl who will never get to see her mother's smiling face, or feel her warmth... All children left behind under the age of 5. Her husband, devastated, held her in his arms as she took her last breath from when her heart gave out, and she was no more. She had the heart condition since 2008, after having her first child. She knew she had a problem, so did her husband, but neither one of them used any protection, and he didn't get her on his insurance to make sure her heart was strong enough to handle a 2nd pregnancy... she had seen 6 specialists, all telling her that her heart was enlarged and that one day it will give out on her. When she got pregnant with the 3rd child, her doctor told her she should of never gotten pregnant... she didn't listen to me, and no one else seemed to concerned about her situation. While I sat on the side lines upset for the children and the decisions she was making with having another baby.
The husband didn't stop her, didn't talk any sense into her... It came to a point that me speaking my mind lead us to not talk for 9 months, becuase of how I could not support her, and what she was doing to her body. After the birth of the 3rd baby, she was seeing a doctor and was put on meds for her heart... After her death I found out that her husband wasn't making sure that she was taking the meds everyday, becuase she wasn't...
I never got to tell her how much I love her, and that I never got to hear her tell me in return. I miss her everyday. It's been 7 months, and I'm still struggling with the loss of my little sister, my only sister, my only sibling, realizing that I will never see her again, never get to hold her, never argue with her, never cry or laugh with her. I should be angry with my parents for leaving me out of the funeral, and not giving me any of her ashes... Angry at her husband for not taking better care of her. I was always there for her, always taking care of her when she needed me, living with me multiple times, and this one time she needed me the most, we weren't talking and I wasn't there. I have to live with this for the rest of my life, knowing that I was to stubborn to pick up the phone and just call her. She's gone and I'll never get that back.

Comments for My Heart, My soul, My sister <3

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May 05, 2013
Further comments
by: Jill

Dear Kayla, Further to my previous comments I would just like to add that Heart charities will support you, as a bereaved relative.

As I have experienced the impact a sudden death has I know you need expert professional help. I believe you live in the States where heart or cardiac charities will be able to help you.

They will probably know the clinician you should contact too. After such a tragedy you and the rest of the family should be monitores to see if you have a heart problem too.

It sounds like you and your sister adored one another. Siblings often fall out - it does not mean we do not care for one another - just that we are stubborn and of course human.

Hope when you feel easier you will share a memory book/box with your nieces.
Jill

May 05, 2013
I understand
by: Jill

Dear Friend, My condolences on your loss.

Firstly, I would like to tell you that we have a family history of enlarged hearts - cardiomyopathy either hypertrophic or dylated.

I would strongly suggest you and your relations have a test to see you do not carry the gene. If you do there are preventive medicines to stop further deterioration and also you will need monitoring.

My mum lost her life because of medical negligence so I know how it feels to be eaten up with `ifs' and `buts'. But we cannot turn the clock back. Your sister would want you to keep well and watch over her precious children. As you shared an incredible bond you have a special role in their lives.

They will want to hear all your incredible stories of the times you spent together - they are vulnerable - do not have a mum - and need their aunty to keep well and be there for them.

Keep in touch with this website - we understand.

Jill.


May 04, 2013
My Heart, My Soul, My sister
by: Doreen U.K.

Kayla I am sorry for your loss of your sister. I don't think you should be the one holding guilt for falling out with your sister. You had her best interests at heart and said so. This was a very responsible thing to do for your sister.
I have been in the same position as you. Confronting a situation and it always went against me. I paid a high price and having 5 siblings we spent years not speaking to each other. We have just reunited when I lost my husband 1yrs. ago TODAY. We were married 44yrs. and he died of a deadly cancer. (Industrial Disease). Guilt can form a normal part of grieving and should disappear in time. If it doesn't counselling would help you here. Your sister and husband are the one's who should have taken more responsibility. Especially when there would be 3 children left without a Mom.
Your parents should have considered you for having some of the ashes of your sister. Often in grief emotions are high and families don't always consider the needs of each other. This is also a loss you will have to grieve and put into some perspective where you will Recover from all the hurt you are facing beyond grief and loss of your sister. Counselling will give you the space to have your feelings validated and for you to resolve all the losses and other issues around the loss of your sister and you will be able to move forward better and in a much healthier way emotionally.

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