My Heart

July 16, 2010 started out like any other day. I talked with my husband before I left for work, kissed him and told him I loved him. Little did I know, that was the last time I would ever talk to my baby. He was 55 years old and we had been married 23 years, 11 months and 1 week.

Last year he had 2 femoral bypasses and an aortic dissection surgery. He made it through that and was able to walk our daughter down the aisle in October. Then in June of this year, I took him to the hospital because of his oxygen. He was put on the ventilator while they got it corrected. He came home on July 4th but he was so tired. He was on oxygen 24/7. I took him out riding sometimes just to get him out of the house. He was on disability and we only had 1 car and I had to work.

He would call me at work all the time just to say hey or something silly. On July 16th, I started calling home at about 11am because I hadn't heard from him. I called home, cell, texted him but no response. I finally told my manager that I needed to go home to check on him. When I opened the front door and the oxygen tube was still down the hallway, I knew he had never gotten out of bed. I went to the bedroom and started screaming his name but I knew from the color of his arm that he was with Jesus. Our dog was by his side and wouldn't leave him. He had obviously been reaching over my side of the bed to get either the phone or the remote and had a heart attack and went very quickly. He was laying on his little face and I didn't go around the bed to see it.

Just seeing him laying there not breathing was heart wrenching. I was screaming, crying and really didn't know what to do. I called 911 first, then my daughter and the rest of my family. It is still unbelievable that he is gone and I will never get my big bear hug again. He used to rub my feet almost every night. He was my friend. How my heart hurts for him!!

But I am back to work now and still break down a lot. And our dog has done his grieving and is better. I am going to have to move because I can't make it in our home on just my salary. So another time to grieve as I leave our home. But I will find myself and life will be an adventure again.

Comments for My Heart

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Oct 15, 2010
Living without Her
by: Anonymous

On July 16 2010 my wife also died of a heart attack. Believe me I know what you are going through. We were married 31 years ago Oct.14 1979. The happiest day of my life, as compared to July 16 by far the worst day in my life. God how I wish I could have her back so I could hold on to her forever and tell her how much I love her. Sure life will go on, but for me it will never be the same with out my Chris.

Take care of yourself and some day we will be together again in a better place.

Aug 30, 2010
by: Anonymous

On July 18 this year (2010), my partner, the most beautiful guy in the world, died suddenly of a heart attack after playing indoor soccer. He was 33. I'm 3 months older than him. We only had 4 years together, but we went through many trials and tribulations to be together and we made it through. We had a great life together and our relationship saw both of us really blossom as people. We were in the prime of our lives with everything to live for. My most beautiful boy in the world left me here without him. And he brightened up every day I had with him. He was happy and vibrant and alive. Good fun, enthusiastic, friendly and open. Everybody loved him. And he loved me. He was fit as well.

I see middle aged, unfit, overweight people every day who do nothing to look after themselves, but their hearts keep going. There are smokers, druggies and everything in between and they just keep going on. But my beautiful guy did nothing but bring happiness to everyone around him and he's gone. You know, we only had a short time but it was true love. You don't go through this otherwise. This is something that connects other people on here - we know what true love is, we are lucky for that at least.

Aug 14, 2010
I understand your heart
by: Pam

I too just lost my heart. My husband, my best friend, my buddy. It is so hard to be alone after 33 years. Thank you for sharing your story.

Aug 13, 2010
Loss of a Husband
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. My mother had heart trouble at a very early age. She was 40 when she had her first attack and was very sick for the next few years until she passed away at the age of 44. I was only 15 at the time and sat and held her hand while she was having her 5th and last heart attack.Back then they did not do surgery on the heart. Although my mother was very ill and we knew she could die at any time we were still not prepared for her death. Since that time I have lost my father and a baby girl. Then this may I lost my 27 year old son to complications of Diabetes. I know your pain and grief and want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Aug 13, 2010
Hang in there!
by: Judy

Please accept my deepest sympathy on your loss of your beloved husband.

I lost my Barry last November. I have had many of the same experiences you did of calling home to check on him and so on and the constant fear that he wouldn't answer when I called.

My heart goes out to you. I also understand the feeling of imminent loss due to your home being in danger. I was able to get a loan modification so don't despair until you've tried some other avenues. Many of us face this same problem trying to survive on half of what you had with no change in expenses. But things do change and you will be okay. Face the fire and you can walk through it. You can do this.

Take care,


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