My hero,my taid

I recently lost my grandad (taid), I say recently, does two months count?.
My grandad was an amazing man, he died at the age of 96, outlived his only daughter (my mother) 20 years ago in 1991, also outlived his wife (grandma/nain) ten years ago 2001.
I lived with my grandad, I moved into his house in 2006, sure we had arguments but also a lot of laughs.
I feel so empty without him and miss him so much, the simplest everyday tasks has been unbearable, I still can't even listen to music in my car (random, I know).
Since his death I have thought about him everyday, I picked up his ashes yesterday and even holding him I still can't get my head around it that I am not going to see him again.
I feel very selfish at times, within three weeks of his death 11 people I knew died, most of them really young. In the event of his death even at 96 I still feel his death could have been prevented and I feel angry because I could have stopped it, I know death is in evitable to all of us but why couldn't he just hang on a bit longer.
I had a very strong feeling that I knew his time was over and had told everyone I knew, he went in hospital on the 2nf of November, by the 3rd he had taken a turn for the worse, not only did he fell out of bed in the hospital (which is an absolute disgrace as it was the last thing my father had said to the nurse "you make sure the sides of the bed are up all the time", lack of communication just so happened to kill my grandad) but because of the shock had a mini heart attack, I knew the next day that if he was going to die he would go on the monday 7th of November (this date was the date he lost his wife ten years ago), I warned everyone of this and tried not to think about it. When the phonecall came I just thought "what do I do know?" and still ask myself the very same question everyday. I am in such a dark place right now, suddenly my heart feels like it's given up, I have lost heart with most things, my job, my friends,my college work, the one thing is keeeping me strong is my relationship and my father and sisters, without themI would not have a reason to get up every morning and face the music.

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