my heros

by kevin

My mom and dad both died now. I hurt so bad. The feelings of guilt and the feelings of "what if" . I am miserable and so lost and wish I would have done things differently when they were alive. If you read this please do the right thing every day for your parents and for your own sanity because the feelings of guilt are so overwhelming after they are gone. Don't make the same mistakes I did. I wish I could hug them tell them I love them.

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Jun 25, 2013
thank you
by: kevin

Thank you all for the wonderful comments. I take compfort reading them.

Jun 24, 2013
my heroes
by: Doreen U.K.

Kevin I am sorry for your loss. Death is a cycle of life and if our loved ones were the one's grieving the loss of us they would feel the same way as you describe. They would have feelings of guilt over the mistakes they made as parents. This is part of the human condition that we will all go through feelings of guilt. This happens as part of grief.
When my husband was dying of cancer over a period of 3yrs.39days he would feel regret and sadness that he was not available for his children and that is why they didn't visit him during his cancer. he felt so alone and abandoned. I comforted him and told him that it is too late to feel regret. He had a job to do for the 47yrs. working for his family and pay for everything whilst I stayed at home and reared our 3 children. I had to be mother and father whilst he had to work all over our country and the world. I let my husband know that he was a good man and that even if he had one week to live he must just be the best father he could be for this time as this is all he had. Now our children are the one's who will feel the guilt for not being around for him more. A LITTLE TOO LATE FOR EVERYONE. This is the cycle of guilt we all feel. Life is hard. Demands are made on our time and work and often we mean well but get caught up in having to prioritize and do what we need to do at the time. Many children have gripes about their parents and parents about their children and who they associate with. Life is tough. We can only do our best. If our best fails us then we have to learn to Let go and FORGIVE ourselves and others for their shortcomings. This is why God is always willing to forgive us because he knows our human frailties. But I do understand and hear what you are saying and how you feel. If it gets too bad, go and see a grief counsellor who can help you put things into some perspective, so you can start to heal from your grief and move forward in a positive way that won't harm your future. You have a birth right to be HAPPY and fulfilled in life. Best wishes.

Jun 23, 2013
my heros
by: silver

Dear Kevin,I so understand how you feel.I was blessed to have my parents until they passed 80 but I feel guilt often.My dad and I weren't close(I still loved him and on occasion told him so,but not often enough).We only began to get closer about a yr or so before he died.My mom and I had a close relationship until after my third child was born.Then we drifted apart some.I moved to the same city they lived in when they were in their late 50's.Even though we only lived about 20 miles apart we only got together on holidays and the occasional day otherwise.My father got cancer at about 68.My mother helped care for him when(in about 6 yrs into the cancer)he began to get weaker.You just don't know how things will go.The type of cancer he had usually killed in 2-3 yrs tops.My father was a scientist and researched his disease and with the dr and new treatments he lived 13 yrs with it.I began to notice the pain he felt(although he didn't complain much)the last yr he was alive.He died in Dec 09.My mom,after 64 yrs of marriage gave up and died 7 months later on June 10.I look back and I sometimes yell at myself because I didn't go to see them when I could.I feel I should have been there much more.I should have told them I loved them more.Mother's and Father's Days are hard for me now.I wish I could change the past.I wish I had been there for them more.BUT...I can't change the past.So now I do like you and remind others to say to loved one how much you care and to MAKE TIME to be with them if you can or at least talk to them often as you can.I will always miss them but I take comfort in the fact that they are with GOD now.I take comfort that I will see them again.I believe they are looking down and knowing how much I care.Please remember them with love and don't beat yourself up so much.Like others have said, we are not perfect and we all make mistakes.The salvation is that we can talk to others and,hopefully get them to not make the same mistake.My children know how I feel and they talk to me often.Take care of yourself.Forgive yourself.You loved them and I'm sure they also are looking down and smiling at you and know you loved them.GOD send you strength and peace.I will keep you in my prayers

Jun 23, 2013
My heros
by: Mari

I am very sorry for your loss of your parents. I realize your heart must be aching at this time.Please take into consideration that no one is perfect and we have all made mistakes.If you feel you could have done more for your parents just leave that in God's hands. He knows you are sorry.
I was a most terrible teenager and have been trying to make it up to my parents for over 50 years.God knows how you feel and your parents probably knew you loved them. Let things rest as you have obviously suffered a lot. Think of the good times you had. God understands how you feel. We are here for you. That is good advice you gave but probably things were not all your fault.Give yourself grieving time.

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