my husband for 45 years

by Catherine
(Herefordshire)

On June 19 I lost my dear caring husband for 45 years.
I met him first when he sat next to me in the bus, he to college while myself at my last year at school.
During this period he invited me out, but it must have been difficult finding me bringing my cousin with me!
We went our separate ways until I met him again while waiting for a train to London where we both worked.
It was during that train journey did I notice his kindness, as when we were about to arrive in London he asked me if I was catching a tube. As I had epilepsy my mother was not keen for me to take a tube train. So, for some reason, I just wrote down;
‘My mother won’t allow me to catch a tube as I have epilepsy’.
Expecting a negative response I was amazed to hear him reply,
‘If you want anything let me know’
As I changed my clerical work, it wasn’t until the following year did we meet again, but this time at the local bus station.
It was soon after this, in 1969 we were married but we had to move to Manchester.
He helped me through a major operation to help my condition and we have two wonderful sons.
It was a shock, but to know that he died while in bed not suffering is a major relief

Comments for my husband for 45 years

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Jul 13, 2014
Re Lawrence 75 years
by: Catherine


Thank you so much Lawrence, reading that you and your dear wife were together for 75 years I can well understand it must have obviously been so painful. But you would have had some fantastic memories, having been together for so long.

I am bearing up, I just thought it would definitely be me first so was not prepared. I feel for the two lads who have now lost their father, so have asked my brother to stand in for our older son and our younger son's father-in-law to help our younger son as much as possible, as he lives in NZ.

An amusing story for those who are missing their loved ones:

When we had been married for around 30 something years, I met a young lady on the metro in Manchester, who was wearing an engagement ring. So I asked her,
'When is the big day'?
She told me when and then asked,
'How long have you been married?'
I gave her the answer, she then looked surprised and replied,
'That is a long time'
To which I added,
'So you are both going to separate after a few years are you?'
She then giggled and said,
'No, that is just a long time for nowadays'!

This was a long time ago, so they must be different today, I am not sure, at least my two seem happily married.

Take care,

Catheirne


Jul 09, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

Dear Catherine,
What a beautiful story and what a wonderful husband, only us fellow bereaved widows and widowers know the pain and anguish you are going through.
It is such early days, three weeks is nothing on this road of overwhelming sadness and I’m sure you don’t have to be told to cry and cry, to help your body and spirit release some of the agony you are going through.
You will find yourself doing irrational things which may seem strange but perfectly normal for a person in deep mourning.
It is some consolation to know he died peacefully in his own bed without suffering.
I lost a very precious wife the same way, one minute talking, the next dying and shortly after I was closing her eyes and kissing her goodbye and thanking her for seventy years of exquisite happiness on her deathbed.
It is now eighteen months since she died and the heartache still remains and I guess always will, the tears still flow as I miss her dreadfully, but life goes on, that is if you can call it life, as it must, you just make the best of this nightmare and you must thank God for the forty five wonderful years you shared with love and passion.
The fact that I am able to write this comment to you shows that the pain will slowly go, I never ever thought I would be able to when all I wanted to do was join her.
Read all the contribution to this web site and I hope they will help you as they did me.
With deepest sympathy
Lawrence

Jul 08, 2014
lost but never forgotten
by: Catherine


Thank you so much Doreen,
Reading how your husband died must have been such a terrible time for you. As I mentioned that is one blessing that Charles went quickly.

My mother-in-law had cancer,so I do know how difficult it can be watching a person die with the condition.

I am at early stages with both my sons still in the U k, but when our younger one returns to NZ next week,that is when I will begin to feel it more. I will have to leave this place as it is far too remote for me. We were just here temporary, while waiting to find a property.

Those were the days weren't they back in 1968.
As I mentioned, Charles came to sit next to me in the bus but what I didn't mention was, until I started to wear fish net tights!

Take care Doreen and keep in touch,

Catherine

Jul 08, 2014
my husband for 45 years
by: Doreen UK

Catherine I am sorry for your loss of your husband of 45yrs. It does make it easier when one has an easy death. Meeting up so many times seems as if you were meant to be together. I was amused by your entry that you took your cousin with you on this meeting with the man you loved. It reminded me of how we did things like this in those days. It was sort of normal. (I also am from the U.K. Middlesex) I was married in 1968 for 44yrs. till the time I lost my husband 2yrs. ago to a deadly cancer caused by working with asbestos. He had a very painful 3yrs. cancer battle where he died in extreme pain. It was a horrendous cancer journey and did very much affect my grief. It is unfair that we lose our men folk at time of retirement. We could have had so many good times of retirement that a man has worked hard to build up through his working life. Even if I do build up my life now, it will never be the same. Loneliness being the hardest battle to deal with. Having children is a blessing, but they do grow up and go on to lead their own busy lives. I do hope that life does get easier for you in time and that you do write back with updates.

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