my husband is having an affair

I met my husband 14 years ago. I fell in love because he was kind, intelligent, ambitious but most of all he was kind and thoughtful.
We got engaged, then I got pregnant, got married, had another child.
Life was busy with two young children but good. I loved my family more than anything.
My husband was climbing the career ladder. When we first met we earned the same. I decided to very much take a back seat and look after the kids and he progressed.
The downside with a demanding job is the long hours he worked and the deadlines and stress. He also made several business trips abroad which meant he was away for up to two weeks at a time.
The effect this had on our relationship meant I was tired a lot from my job, children, housework and looking after everything. He was out of the house 12,13 or 14 hours every day, coming home just to see children 10 minutes before they went to bed. We weren't communicating as well as before, he seemed preoccupied all the time. I was tired and resentful. When I tried to talk to him he rebuffed me telling me how busy he was or how he had an email to send or a presentation to finish.
One day my youngest child was off school sick so I wanted to do some work from home. I switched on out shared home laptop and noticed my husband had left his work emails on. As I was just about to close the screen down I noticed in the top line that there were kisses in the email. I opened the email and it was a very flirty email from a work colleague. I searched on her name in the inbox and dozens of emails popped up, extremely flirtatious, sexually suggestive but no actual proof. I was devastated. I asked him about it and he was very contrite and said it meant nothing and he would never do anything. He said it was s silly flirtation. I felt uneasy but had to believe him.
Not long after he was away on a long business trip. This person he flirted with was also on the trip along with half dozen others. He said he was so busy with work he hardly saw her. He skyped the kids every day but I felt he was really connecting with me. When we collected him from the airport he seemed different and I asked him what went on between the two of them. He promised nothing happened but that he really liked her as they had a lot in common.
We went on a family holiday for two weeks. He was distant but it was OK. No drama. We had a lot of fun times for the children's sake. I was still feeling vulnerable and worried about his friendship with his female work colleague.
After our two week break we came home, he went back to work and the children and I went to my mums to pick up the dog as she had looked after it whilst we were on holiday. Whilst there my husband concocted some story of what he was doing that night which didn't ring true. The next morning I called his bluff and said I knew he hadn't gone home and asked him where he'd been. Eventually he admitted he'd spent the night at her house. And subsequently admitted he had spent the two week business trip sleeping with her in her hotel roon . I was beyond devastated and asked him to leave immediately. After a couple of weeks he begged to come home, said he realised his stupidity and only wanted to be with me forever. I was scared and nervous but happy he wanted to be with his family. I tentatively suggested we go for counselling and that we would work through it.
His feelings lasted for 5 days. He then said he loved her and went again. This was in. August. Its now October and I'm still devastated, missing him like crazy and so sad and scared for the future

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Oct 31, 2014
Terrible
by: Judith in California

After his lies, cheating, disrespect of you and his vows and total disregard of your feelings sinks in , then and only then, will you stop missing him. You will only miss what you thought you had, not what was real.

It's just terrible what people do to someone they were supposed to love,honor ,cherish and protect. There is so much of this going on anymore. Doesn't anyone mean what they say in front of God ? A person is as only as good as his/her word.

It's a shame you didn't kick him out from the start. That way it would have shown him you would in no way be disrespected or emotionally abused like that.

The only thing to feel is that you now have a chance , like it or not, to live your life in a new way. Show yourself respect, love and know you can do what you need to make sure no one ever treats you any differently.

We women must learn to welcome the chance to prove we are stronger than we think. WE dont know what we can do on our own sometimes .

You're going to think about a lot of things especially the wouldas, couldas and shouldas but there is nothing you could have done to prevent him from loosing his character over a piece. And do know that the chances of his new union lasting is very slim. There's a saying "If they do it with you they will do it to you".

I pray you will have the strength to see . Take care.

Oct 26, 2014
my husband is having an affair
by: Doreen UK

Your story is all too familiar with how work interferes with daily life. Mother tired and busy with the children. Husband then tries to find his FREEDOM when away working and then gets a taste for a different life that He may quite like and not willing to give up. This is how many affairs start. Innocently. It just takes a woman to sweet talk a man and he is MUSH. All his family loyalties go out the window.
INFIDELITY is destructive to a marriage and so hard to come back from. With counseling it is possible to move on if you both want the relationship to work and move forward. If not you could see a counselor independent of your husband so that your needs can be addressed and to support you at this difficult time. It is a very painful place for you to be right now.
You can both make the marriage work if it is what you both want.
Either way you need to have a discussion about how you both move beyond this relationship breakdown, and INFIDELITY.
Take one day at a time and one area of discussion at a time. You need to resolve these issues. You need support, but need to choose your confidante's carefully if from family or friend. Issues can become polluted if shared in an unhealthy way.
Do not look for failings in yourself for this relationship breakdown. You need to realize that many men will find fault within their wife at such a time. This is an aspect of an affair and should not be used against you. Be aware of this. Your priority at this time will be your children. You need adult support to help you cope with parenthood at such a difficult time in all your lives. I hope that you are able to resolve these issues in a way that will help you and your family. Please write back for more support and any other issues that present and difficult to deal with.
I am sorry for your HURT and PAIN.

Oct 26, 2014
concentrate on making your self whole
by: Anonymous

Try going to a Co-Dependency meeting. This will help a lot. Get extreme exercise and take time to take care of yourself. He's a schmuk and don't let him see your tears. He is not interested in you right now, so you have to become stable, fake it till you make it if you have to. I am so sorry this happened to you. Good luck

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