My husband left me 9 days after we married

by Muriel
(Ludington MI)

He is 76 and I am 77. Within days of the marriage he became quiet and his eyes became emptier and emptier. He said things such as, "We've lost the we in our marriage. On some levels we connect and it is just great but in others we don't." He had professed faith in Christ, but he renounced it. He decompensated before my eyes, left our home and is seeking an annulment of our marriage on the ground of deception. He had some mental illness in the past that I was not aware of. He also says he feels he did not consummate the marriage. I thought he had, but he doesn't feel it was complete on his part. He sees his lawyer in two weeks. I am devastated. He pursued me, pursued the idea of marriage, and then once he had it, he has left it. He is an architect, an intellectual and he has decided my faith in Christ has very unintellectual aspects to it. I still love, but I wonder how I can. Yet it is a strong feeling in me. I would really take him back, yet I don't really think he will ever want that. I told him that it would be okay for him to seek the annulment because I wanted him to have his happiness. We have not spoken since then. Any comments, any suggestions will help me so much.

Comments for My husband left me 9 days after we married

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Oct 03, 2014
My husband left me 9 days after we married
by: Doreen UK

Muriel you had a lucky escape. Being a Christian is a profound privelege to know God, know where we go when we die and to strive to live in God's perfect world when Jesus comes back to earth. Such a shame your husband of such a short time bailed out of your marriage and eternal life too soon. You would have thought that your husband would have had MATURITY to match his years and you could be confident of a happy marriage in your twilight years of life. As one gets older they really yearn for COMPANIONSHIP and your husband forgot this element. If he thinks he is mentally ill he may also have Altzheimers and forgot everything that is important and relevant when loving someone. If he went to your home and your church and walked away he at least should have been honest and voice his reservations. I somehow feel a bit skeptical about his mental illness. I think you would have spotted the signs and known something wasn't quite right. This may have been just his excuse to not continue in the marriage. See it as his loss and not yours. You will of course have been looking forward to a life together and enjoy life at such a late stage in one's life when this should happen.

Jun 05, 2012
Thanks Judith
by: Muriel

Yes, you are right. Better alone than a life of hell. I am not really doing so well because the whole thing has left me feeling like a sack of rotten potatoes, too rotten for even a mental misfit like my husband to want. I'm trying to tell myself a different story--one of hope. Yet it is so hard that all the dreams he dreamed for us are all nothing at all. Nothing! Yet I had believed in every last one. As an architect he designed a world for us, perfect in every detail. This world held until he came to live in my house and went to my church. He fled.

Jun 03, 2012
by: Judith in California

Muriel, the fact is he is definitely suffering a mental illness. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life dealing with that? He is fighting demons you will never understand.

It's you that should be seeking the divorce on grounds of deception because he did not disclose his mental illness to you. You are too old to have to contend with that. Yes, someone pursuing you and making you feel special is nice but it sounds like he worked on you too fast and that in itself is warning sign. He is delusional at best.

Let him go for your own mental health. We are better off alone than to live a life of hell.

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