My husband left very unexpectedly and I am still stuck in grief 6 years on
Hi there. I’m so hoping that writing this down goes some way towards getting this grief out of me. I do feel as though the dam will burst one day. I was very happily married to my husband for 10 years (actually still am married) but 6 years ago he became very stressed with a new job which was clearly too much for him. We led a nomadic lifestyle and moved around the world with his job as a hotel manager. This wasn’t always easy but was very exciting. I had two children and was pregnant with the 3rd when he was leaving one evening to catch a flight. I had cut up some fruit for him and made him a cup of tea for him to take before the taxi picked him up. He came down to the living room and read off a piece of paper that he had fallen in love with someone else and was leaving. He explained that it wasn’t an affair as he truly loved this woman and through that love realized he didn’t love me anymore. Then he walked out the door. That was that. I hadn’t said a word. I was so in shock. I did not ever think we could live without each other. I knew we would always be together as we cared so much for one another. We rarely fought or argued. We laughed together. We had a relatively luxurious lifestyle so that made life easy. We had gorgeous children. We had great extended families. We had it all. And now he was gone. He moved to Singapore to live with the love of his life and I was stuck in the Middle East waiting for the children to finish off the school year – and quite honestly – waiting for him to come to his senses. He never did.
Since then, the children and I have seen him 5 times, and not once in the past 4 years. He swears he loves his children more than anything on earth. He never came to the birth of his youngest child and has not seen her since she was two. She is nearly 6. She has now taken to asking if the man at the door (maybe a delivery man or a relative) is her daddy. She also asks at least once a month why her daddy doesn’t live with us and I tell her the truth (sort of) I say that her daddy doesn’t love Mummy anymore but he loves her very much.
In the meantime I have come back to my home country and desperately needed money for my family and tried for several jobs but despite having a great career pre-children, that meant nothing today, so I started my own business in an area which I was not trained in but despite all odds it does well enough for me to survive with the kids. No holidays or anything extra but we’re ok and we love each other. We are a close family unit and for that I am incredibly grateful.
So that’s my story in short. My problem is that I wasn’t ever allowed to grieve because I had to stay strong for my children and myself. I felt that if I broke down, my whole world could collapse. I feel less on a knife edge these days but my grief is just as strong and I want to get over it. I want to move on. I don’t feel he is worth all these tears but I still feel so sad. How do I move on? I don’t have to see him so it should be easy. I feel like we never had a marriage breakdown – he was just gone. Like he had died.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me to help me get over this? Thank you.