My husband my angel...

by Lynn

Its been 56 days 3 hrs and 58 minutes since my husband took his final breath,i pray for this pain to ease,or let me be with him,,the images of his last 2 days will not go away,i try to think of him the way he was before he got sick,how do i deal with this by beloved George gone.after 14 years.

Comments for My husband my angel...

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Mar 05, 2013
A Friend
by: Pennie

Hi Doreen, What a blessing to hear from you!!! I'm not very computer smart; that was my husband's expertise.I never gave skype a thought but I would be willing to try. I have a son in law that would probably be able to help set that up. But until then we could email if you like. My email address is having a friend who can relate is wonderful. Thank you so much for leaving me your message. Looking forward to hearing from you via email. Have a blessed day, Pennie

Mar 05, 2013
Need someone to befriend!
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Pennie I got your post again and reading this you said you wished you had someone to befriend and talk to. I live in England so it is not possible to meet up but you can email me anytime for support or just a chat If you are on Skype and want to give me your Skype address I can give you mine when you email me and we can chat on Skype it such a good window on the world when one is suffering lonliness and isolation. I Skype my sister in Australia and it does help. I had to change my computer and I am finding Windows 8 a bit of a nuisance. I like things to stay normal and so my Skype keeps getting cut off. But I am going to persevere. Pennie I hope the days ahead get better for you. It is a hard place to be. My Husband's gravestone memorial is ready and now installed and yesterday I felt very depressed realizing it will be painful reading again the sadness he went through as I had 8 lines of verse relating to the cancer and his suffering plus His name guitar and his photo. I would have loved to have had the space for cowboy boots as this is what Steve loved. The great American Western things. Pennie take care of yourself and I will be in touch if you decide to email. Have a good day. Best Wishes Doreen

Mar 04, 2013
my husband, my angel
by: Ann

I understand your emptiness and your loneliness. My husband died on Nov. 20, 2012 very suddenly and unexpectedly. It was like the bottom fell out of my world. I am so sad. The days come and go, nothing seems to change - it is always the same. It is so difficult to stay positive when the future is so uncertain. But help seems to pop up from unexpected sources. This grief journey is a real roller coaster of a ride - I hate roller coasters! May God bless you and give you the strength to carry on!

Mar 03, 2013
Feb. 21, 2013
by: Virginia

My husband of 47 years passed away at 12:05 a.m. on Thursday, February 21, 2013. I hurt so much. My friends are being supportive, but I don't think they understand the overwhelming pain. I cry and then I'm okay for a while, then I cry again. Sometimes I'm in denial, sometimes I'm angry with him for leaving me, and I'm mad that the world keeps on turning as if he never existed. I feel I let him down because my prayer for healing was not answered. God kept telling me to trust him, and I do, but that doesn't make the horrible loneliness go away.
I pray for healing for myself and all who suffer the loss of a loved one.

Feb 27, 2013
Love of my Life
by: Pennie

Hi Doreen, Thank you so much for your post.Dennie and I were married 39 years and he also died of cancer.Most days I just want to leave this world and be with Dennie,but I am still here.The loneliness is just awful, isn't it? I'm trying; went to the doctors (which i'm not a fan of) and he gave me sleeping pills and anti depressants which only landed me in the ER from side effects.I wish I had someone who understands this grief that I could befriend and would have someone to talk to. My mind says "you need to stay in this world for now" but my heart tells me "I need to be with Dennie". Thank you again for your kind and up lifting words.

Feb 22, 2013
My husband my angel......
by: Doreen U.K.

Pennie I am so sorry for your loss and how you still find yourself with your grief. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 10 months ago. I know how you feel. The Lonliness, and ALONENESS is so overwhelming that it can take over and leave us so swamped we can't go on in life. I know all about not wanting to be alive and in the world. FOR WHAT? It is this grief site that has saved the day for me. We will all struggle for a long long time. I hope you don't end your life as a way out of your misery. Even though we are all experiencing the same feelings and thoughts we all have to grieve our own loss and we still have to do it all alone, even though we can support each other it is not enough for many people. I do understand this. Try Counselling. This is so good I would have ended my life had I not had this. Counselling saved my life. I found that if I changed my FOCUS and not thought about my life, my lonliness, my pain, my loss, my missing Steve so much. If I could only FOCUS on this site and helping others. That is what saved the day. There will come a point when I will have to face my loss in more depth when memories surface. But for now I just take one day at a time otherwise the days ahead would swallow me up. We have no CHOICE to go on in life. I just hope that your days get better and that God will put someone and something into your life to make it worth the living. Ask God for what you need till you can find your feet again. I told God I didn't want my life it had no meaning anymore. God is teaching me. All I can do is try each day to make it better till I join my husband.

Feb 21, 2013
Thank you
by: Pennie

Hi Ann, Thank you for sharing that,it meant so much. I too am taking anti depressants but very low dose. And I am seeing a Chaplain. Trying real hard to work through things. I hope things get better for you as well. God bless!!!!

Feb 20, 2013
My husband, my angel
by: Ann

Like you I am a recent widow. I lost my true love to a sudden heart attack on the morning of Nov. 20, 2012 - 13 weeks plus 1 day. I understand the grief and the wanting not to be here but to be with him. I, too, have felt that way. The doctor put me on an anti-depressant which made things drastically worse. I was walking around like a zombie, feeling like the "living dead"! it was so scary that I took myself to the hospital emergency room (easier to do here in Canada I guess) and demanded to see a psychiatrist. When he saw me he took me off the anti-depressant and I have gradually started to feel better. There still are triggers that set me off like Valentine's Day last week. Last night I went to a spousal bereavement group which was pretty intense but I think it will help. There is another lady who virtually the same age as me (58), her husband the same age as mine (62) and he died 1 month after mine did. It was good to hear her comments and concerns as they were almost identical to mine. I found out about this group through the funeral parlour. maybe your funeral parlour could help you in this regard, or if you are religious, the religious leader at your church. This is a hard journey we have to go on but it will get better, the other day I did see a little light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Thinking of you from Canada

Feb 10, 2013
Love of my life
by: Pennie

I too am a new widow..2 months today.. Don't you just hate the word widow.. I cry every day and I want to die every day.. Some days I think I can pull the trigger but don't of these days the grief will be so over whelming that I will be able to do it.. I don't belong here any more but with my husband.. The loneliness is the hardest.. Being in an empty house is gut wrenching. If there would just be someone who could help!!!

Feb 09, 2013
My husband my angel....
by: Doreen U.K.

Lynn I am sorry for your loss of your beloved husband George. I know what you are going through. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 10 months ago of cancer. He died a slow painful death and all I can remember is this last 3yrs.39 days of his terrible suffering from this disease. I try hard to think of the time before the cancer and the memories are slow in coming. I hate Saturdays. as this brings back memories of Steve's last day on earth. He died at 9.54p.m. Saturday night 5th May 2012. I hate this pain and suffering of Grief.
If grief is so unbearable it may be of benefit to you to see a grief counsellor who is trained to help us move forward better where we might be stuck in grief. Grief is unbearable for all of us but we get by one day at a time. It is when some memories come back that we can be thrown off balance and suffer the pain of grief more. Counselling can be of great benefit at such times.

Feb 08, 2013
feel your pain
by: June

So very sorry, I honestly can say I know how you feel....I count the days....for me it's been 11 months today (Feb. 8th) that my husband Mike passed away. It is so hard, life seems meaningless, even with friends and family. I feel so alone sometimes. I can't tell you how to get through this, just that time goes by and for me it seems to get worse. I miss Mike so very much. I really love the song by Paul Brandt "Together Again", and hope that it will be true for us.
Thinking of you and hope you have someone to talk to, cry with; this site has helped me, although very sad what people have to go through. Hugs.

Feb 08, 2013
my husband my angel
by: silver

Dear Lynn, I feel your pain. My husband of 33 yrs died May 2011. He had emphysema and got pneumonia.The pneumonia turned septic and killed his kidneys.The dialysis began killing his heart and I was told he had hours to a couple of days.I was in shock when I told him good-bye.I just held him for his last few minutes and told him I loved him and it was time for him to go home.Our boys were there also.When things finally hit me that he wouldn't be there anymore I was crushed.I cried solid for 2 weeks and literally made myself sick.Please try not to do that because it only makes you more depressed.The holidays this past yr were the worst,but I made it through and I am finally (after 20 months)coming to grips with it.Wanting to go and be with your love is normal.I told my kids once that I just wanted to lie in bed until I died.They were so worried they called me every day for awhile.I thought to myself: What was I thinking?Did I think we would both go at the same instant? I look back now and realize that it would have been awful for my kids if that had happened.(My mom and dad died 8 months apart and it really hurt).My darling husband used to say that you never get over it(his mother died the yr before we got married-he was in his late 20's)you just learn to live with it.That's what I am doing now: learning how to live with it.You can too. I send you love and prayers for strength and peace. Go to the poetry part of this site.There are some beautiful ones there and it will help you to know that others feel as you do. GOD be with you

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