My Husband, my friend, my lover, my everything

by Kay Grelck
(Oregon)

My Garry

My Garry


I lost my husband 19 days ago,

I met Garry when I was 21 and he was 23, he was just out of the Navy, So handsome..it was love at first sight..we married 6 months later and were married 45 years when he passed.

My grieving keeps getting worse..I feel so sad, I cry all the time even as I write this letter. I feel I will never be happy again..I want to hold him so bad...

I don't know how to get rid of this pain and sadness..

My sister said to me today "It should be getting easier" Then I think am I normal or overreacting..

She has no idea what it's like..when your heart is so broken and no way to mend it.

I can't even make myself go to work and I need the money, the medical bills were not completely covered..my real estate is down to nothing since the economy went bad...I could lose the house on top of everything else..

I'm lost and don't know what to do

Comments for My Husband, my friend, my lover, my everything

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Jun 04, 2014
I'm back after almost 5 years
by: Kay

Well, What can I say...it's been 4 plus years since my Garry passed. I'm better in the since that I don't sat, and cry all day...My life has not changed much since the first time I wrote...I did have to quit work, I mostly just stay at home, clean, go through things... I've went through his stuff 4 times now) just about everything gone except of course the personal items I want to keep forever...
I work in my yard to stay busy in the summer months, but it's hard in the winter...I find myself just staring at nothing and thinking how I wish Garry was still with me...I will never remarry....yes, and even after 4 years your still sad and cry, but it doesn't last as long.. time does help.. So anyone out there don't let anyone put a time frame on your grieving ...I will never get over it, and a wait the day we are together again...God Bless all of you going through this...

Mar 22, 2011
I too understand!
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband July 28, 2010 we were married on July 11 2009. Married for 1 yr and 2 weeks. He was the man of my dreams, my soulmate, my best friend and the love of my life. I waited 40 years to be married and to find him. He was taken from me in a construction accident. It has only been 7.5 months and i am so tired of people telling me what i should do and what i should be doing. One day i can feel like doing something and the next minute i am beside myself. No one understands that i can not just do whatever they want. I have done some things and regret doing them when i come home alone and cry all night. I recently had a friends son's 18th bithday party and i called her and told her i was not up to coming. the next day another friend emailed me and told me...I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE! that i have forced myself to do other things and i should have forced myself to do this. I can not believe how insensitive people are. That entire weekend i did not get out of bed. Why, why are people so cruel, callous and so quick to judge? this makes me not want to be with anyone at all and to alienate myself from the world to keep me from getting angry! I just wish people would leave me alone. I go to counseling every week and i am not looking for people to feel sorry for me or to understand but my God why so callous!

Jan 08, 2011
My Husband, My Friend, My lover, My everything
by: Kay

I am back to comment on my first posting, it has been almost a year, in 21 days...I don't know where this last year has gone...Is been one big blurr...the pain has been unbearable to say the least...I don't know how I have made it to this point in my new life without my Garry, I have cried sooo many tears and suffered so much pain and still am..will it ever end, as the one year anniversary approaches I feel the intense pain all over again... I miss him sooo much...I long for his touch, his smile, him telling me everything will be OK...

Some days I feel like I can't go on without him, and I know, no one understand my feelings, they look at me and I know they are thinking she's still grieving this bad after a year..In fact I had one person say to me STILL...YES, still...

I have withdrawn from the outside world..I just want to be alone with my memories....I know this is not a good thing but can't seem to move on to try and make a new life for myself....will I ever get over this feeling of despair...47 years and never been alone..it's really hard....Kay

Apr 03, 2010
Be kind to yourself
by: Judy

Kay I understand how you are feeling but no one can expect you to be ok after such a short time. I lost my Barry on 11/28/09 and I still am in pain. Everyone tells me that I am holding up so well, etc but the truth is I feel crazed with conflicting emotions, fear, loneliness, longing to talk to him one more time, confusion as to what I should do and wondering about the blank space that is now my future. I am stuck here in FL because of the real estate market, far from my kids and friends in CA so I am trying to establish some sort of life alone without him. This is very hard because we live in a relatively small town and there's almost no place that I go that we didn't go together. This means I burst into tears in the market, church, restaurants, fast food drive-thrus and about every other place you can imagine. I miss him everyday. I was fortunate to have a work colleague who is also widowed and she has given me a sympathetic ear. Look for another widow further along or a grief support group. Don't try to do it alone. God bless.

Mar 04, 2010
You are not alone
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband on 2/15/10. He was in the hospital the entire Valentine's weekend. We have been friends for 29 years, back together as a couple for 5 years and married 3 years. He was always the man I used to measure every other man in my life over the years. We could talk about any and everything. I knew about his past good and bad and he knew about mine. How do you replace that kind of friendship? I don't think you can.

I do take comfort in the fact that I KNOW he loved me as much and as hard as he could. I cannot and would not try to tell you what to do but I am in the same situation with work and real estate and family (who mean well but have no clue of what we are feeling) and friends. As my husband would say DO YOU!!!!!!!!! Do not let anyone tell you what or how you should feel or act.

I pray God's love and peace dwells with you as long as you need it!
Peace and blessings

Feb 14, 2010
I understand your feelings
by: Anonymous

I fully understand how you feel. I lost my husband on 21 Jan 2010. We were married for 26 years. I not only lost my husband, but I lost my best friend. The ONLY person in the world that knew, understood and accepted me for me.

I am breaking my days into small segments, getting through each segment....not looking forward....staying focused on that one portion of day. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Weekends are the hardest. During the week I teach school, so am fully occupied and have to stay focused.

Most people mean well, but until they have walked a mile in our shoes.....Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier. That I need to be easier on myself...

Feb 13, 2010
Your Sister...
by: Anonymous

Your sister is not giving you the support that you need. He's only been gone for 19 days after a lifetime together? How unthoughtfull and uncaring! Its been 2 months 2/6/10 and I still have memories come upon me to make me burst into tears. I am in the same boat as you and still not functioning at full capacity, nor do I expect myself to. Give yourself the much needed break that you need and find support elsewhere. You're not crazy, just crazy with grief. My prayers go out to you...HH

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