My Husband, My Life

by JoAnn DeLouisa
(springfield new jersey)

I am a 49 year old widow. During the last few years of our 30 year marriage my husband could barely function by himself. He was born with a bad heart and as he got older his health deteriorated. I cared for him as a nurse cared for a patient ( he refused to allow a nurse to care for him and asked me to do it) It was the hardest thing I ever did,but I'd do it all over again. Waiting for him to die, everytime he got sick thinking"this is it", was unbelieveably stressful. I couldnt eat or sleep, the night he died he stood up from the bed and dropped to the floor. The paramedics said it was immediate, thank god after all the hospitals and rehabs, doctors, it was over. His suffering and mine were over. I feel so free, and feel guilty for feeling so good! I have been moving forward with my life since March 7, I mourn, yes, but my husbands biggest thing was for me to go on with my life, be happy and love again! I am at peace because I know he is free of his sick body!

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Jul 04, 2012
My Husband Was My Life Too.....
by: TrishJ

JoAnn~
I too cared for my husband for almost three years before he passed in December of 2010. I tried to work a full time job while caring for him and finally left my job about 5 months before he passed.
I suddenly found myself with nothing to do.
I would do it all over again if I could. I wouldn't change anything. I think we have a harder time ~ giving up the roles of wife and caregiver. They depended on us for everything. I felt so lost for many months.
It's difficult moving on to a new life without them. I'm going through round 2 of facing all the holidays alone. I think for the first year I was totally in survival mode. Reality has really hit me.
We do our best ~ cry when we have to (or want to) ~ remember the good things when we can.
God bless. Hoping for some peace in both of our days.

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