My Husband, My Lover and My Friend

by Dorothea
(St. Augustine, FL)

Married 58 years in April, 2011 and met in Oct. 1952. We had 7 children and raised 6, 19 grandchildren and 3 greats. We had our ups and downs but for the past 3 1/2 years he had been hospitalized 15 times, lost both legs in March, after a bout of lung cancer. He was the bravest person I ever knew and wanted to stay with me no matter what. After seeing him suffer as much as a human could or should, I finally had to let him go home. My heart is so heavy I sometimes don't think I can go on, but my head tells me, he would want me to. I talk to his picture and to him during the day, but the nights are so lonely. The family does try to help, but I don't think they realize what a loss this is. They say how proud they are of me for coping, but inside I ache so much. It hasn't been three months since I lost him and the way I feel, I'll probably be the same after three years.

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Jan 08, 2012
My Husband, My Lover and My Friend
by: Dorothea

Hi Pat J, Thank you for your welcome note. I too am Catholic and the rites that we go through in the Mass are so beautiful, but I'm here to tell you when the songs that I had played at the funeral mass are sung during Mass I cry and its been almost 5 months. Along with losing my dear one, I developed a blood condition and breast cancer and somedays I feel overwhelmed but as strong as he was, I have to be stronger. It helps to know that there are others who are going through the same things, but don't we feel that we are individuals with different problems? They always say that God doesn't give us anymore than we can handle, but sometimes it gets a little "shaky" doesn't it? As I say I know I will get better at this Grief Process but for right now, just one day at a time!

Oct 30, 2011
My Husband, My Lover and Friend
by: Pat J.

Dear Dorothea,
My husband was also, my lover and best friend. I lost him to a massive heart attack on June 27,2011, the day after our 46th wedding anniversary. We have 5 children, their spouses and 10 grandchildren, yet I feel so lonely at times. Going to bed alone at night, my heart just aches for him. I kiss his picture each morning and night. The first thing I do is say good morning to him, and before crawling into bed I tell him good night and I love you. I will do that until the day I die.
I joined a grief support group through my church and it is really helping me. I have met other widows. We connect; have so very much in common.
When we have loved and lost no one really knows our grief, until they experience it themselves.
I too feel I will always feel like this. A part of me died with him. I must be getting stronger, my children tell me I am so strong and my husband always told me I was a strong woman. I guess I never realized just how strong I was.
I think we will get through this, but I am told it is like a roller coaster; alot of ups and downs.
I am Catholic; today was All Souls Day for us. There was a commemorative mass for the loved ones who died this past year at our church; my husband was one of them. They read off everyones name and the date they died. Tears just kept coming. I don't think the tears will ever really end. I think my tears are going to be a big part of me from now on. Yet, I am told tears are good, tears make us grow, like the rain makes flowers grow.
Our husbands spirit will always be with us. I just wish we could see and hug and kiss their spirit. We have to just cherish the good times and remember marriages were not made in heaven. I learned they take hard work and sacrifice. A perfect marriage doesn't exist. Even through the rough times, I still wish he was here to share my life.
Keep coming to this site; it helps to read other stories of grief, knowing we are not alone in this journey of life without our husband.
Just taking it One Day at a Time!
God Bless You; we all care.

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