My husband" My Soul Mate"

by Nita
(Arkansas )

I lost my husband 2yrs ago 1-30-11. We were married a few weeks shy of 20yrs, we went on 1 date" on a Wednesday and moved in together that Sunday got married a few weeks later! He was the best" God how I miss him!! In 2007 he got colon cancer and it kept spreading. 4 1/2 yrs we stay at hospitals had chemo and surgery. And in Nov 2010 he kept telling me his cancer was back but he wouldn't Go to the Dr he was tired, he said no more surgery or chemo. I will not put you through anymore or myself. His last surgery had lasted 11 hrs and to me he was never the same. My husband was a big man he was 6ft about 220pds nothing but muscle" he was a logger and he got down to about 180pds. Anyways he was in so much pain in Nov-Dec 2010 and wouldn't take anything for pain, and didnt really complain that much, we had even went fishing the day before he died. But the next day Sunday 1-30-2011 he was not the man I knew" he was mean and rude, that wasn't him at all" I tryed talking to him but he wouldn't and it all happen so fast but seem like hours!' He had a gun I fought with him got the gun I don't know how but I did, I'm 5ft weigh 102pds. Before I knew it he had another gun went out the back door and took his own life. Something this man would never do!! There is not a day minute or hour that goes by that I don't think about him. I know he's no longer in pain but I miss him so much and can't wait till the day we are together again!!!! I never knew love until I met him" and never knew hurt until I lost him.

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Mar 28, 2013
Thank you"
by: Nita

Thank you Doreen" it is the hardest thing ever and I know he must of hit Rock bottom. He was tired and I know deep down he's not in any more pain, I wish you all the best with your grief to, I'm so sorry. Thank you again.

Mar 27, 2013
My husband "My Soul Mate."
by: Doreen U.K.

Nita I am sorry for your loss of your most precious "Soul Mate".
Your husband had been through such a tough battle with cancer I am not surprised that HE HAD ENOUGH. HE REACHED ROCK BOTTOM. This is a very hard place to be.
When you said your husband's behaviour changed and he was rude to you and this wasn't him at all and he fought. He went out and killed himself. Just one example of a man who had come to the end and saw no way out.
My husband of 44yrs. died 10 months ago of a deadly cancer and I was his carer for 3yrs.39days. My husband died of an Industrial disease MESOTHELIOMA. Caused by working with asbestos. My husband was a gentle man. He changed and was very angry towards me. Which wasn't his character. The cancer changed him. I would leave the room have a good cry and then come back in and care for him. My husband had no idea of his behaviour which was so changeable. Cancer did this to him. His suffering was so very bad from day one of Chemo. I have such bad memories of his cancer and suffering. My world ended the day we got the diagnosis of this disease. I won't ever get over losing my husband. I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that my husband was lying in his coffin and he didn't die he came alive and I then could turn to God for his healing and survival. When I woke up my dream turned into my nightmare. My husband didn't survive. He did die and I felt all alone. I don't know when this suffering of grief will end if ever. This is the worst experience we will face in life. To lose someone forever is unimaginable until one goes through this sorrow and pain and loss.
I hope that you will find some solace in the days and weeks ahead and that the Peace of God will help you and all of us get through each day until we live with less pain.

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