My husband of almost 30 years from NH, a great Man

by April
(New Durham, NH)

My husband starting having pain a year ago. He did the pool therapy, shots and medicine to relieve the pain. So he decided to take just take Tylenol or Aleve. So we investigated alternative procedure for pain the neuro stimulator to control the pain. He went in for the temporary which is only five days to try it out and it worked.
The day came Dec 29th for the permanent and developed an embolism that traveled to his lungs and they couldn't take him off the ventilator right after the procedure. It was suppose to be a day in and out surgery. He was in ICU for 7 weeks and developed all kinds of complications from anoxic brain, kidneys shutting down to lungs not functioning on his own. He developed several complications and the outlook was not good.
So here I sit typing you the story...I had to get guardianship so I could make a decision on my husbands behalf because there wasn't any advanced directives(Didn't think we would need it witha day surgery) My brother was with me. At this point I was exhausted and had to attend a court hearing with the doctor explaining what was happening to my husband...the judge gave me permanent guardianship. This same day I went back to the hospital to make the decision to take him off life support. He was only 59 years old.
We have had his wake and he was cremated and today I picked up his urn. One of my brothers stayed with me until a few days ago..he flew back home.
I am grieving and the pain is intense of not having him here alive to talk to and spend time with. As soon as viewed his ashes a deep intense pain came over me and I cried long and hard. I have been crying each day he was in the ICU and to the present. I have an appointment with a grief counselor in a few days, getting massages, trying to get out each day, visited children and grandchildren yesterday. My husband died Feb. 16th.

Comments for My husband of almost 30 years from NH, a great Man

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Jan 16, 2013
the people that responded from april
by: Anonymous

I would like to kmow how evryone is doing since they responded to my story kevin and trish and whoever else responded.

Mar 10, 2012
Wish my memories were better
by: Laura

I also had to decide to disconnect my husband from life support last September. The hardest part was that some of the medical staff were trying to persuade me to do that while he was still in there. He would open his eyes when I spoke to him and I think he understood me. His main doctor said that it would take a miracle for him to live, but he was on total life support, including his blood pressure. We decided that they would do nothing when the bp meds no longer kept him stable. It would only be a few days, but they others in ICU wouldn't let me alone. Finally, in the middle of the night, his blood pressure dropped and they couldn't get it stabilized. At that point he suffered irreversible brain damage and I allowed them to disconnect him. I feel so bitter about having his last days taken from me that way. The last day he would open his eyes and try to focus on me. I was not there when the life support was disconnected and never saw him again. He was cremated and we had a memorial service and our daughter was allowed to place his urn in the ground at the burial. I had spent 15 years taking care of him post-liver transplant and he died from complications of cirrhosis of his transplanted liver so he was very yellow and thin when he died. I miss him so much, but I had been with both of his parents when they died and just couldn't do that again. Never heard anyone with a story quite like this, but I do feel comfortable with my decision. My grown son was with me and he felt the same way.

Mar 02, 2012
husband of thirty years
by: April

I've been reading the replies of other people who have been through some similar things. It's good to know we are not alone in this. Thank you to the people whom have responded with open heart. I am doing okay keeping myself busy with friends and activities and going back to work soon. Keep the responses coming I appreciate it!!!

Mar 02, 2012
Great man
by: Joyce

My husband died on February 11. We were told on Tuesday that he had about a year to live, he died five days later. I can't imagine having to make that end of life decision. My husband was a great man as well, he loved me, and always made sure I knew it. My one comfort is that I said "I love you" as I walked out of the hospital room that evening. My friends are around now, I hope they don't stop coming around, Im not sure I have the energy or will to keep up contacts. Maybe this site will help.

Feb 29, 2012
the writer of my husband of 30years
by: April

My husband and I did some wonderful traveling to Jamaica, Mexico, Texas, Minnesota and Washington state. There are some great memories of which we need to remember. The hard part sometimes is coming back to the house at night alone, but not totally alone I have my dog and cat. It's that idle down time at night when all is quiet when I start thinking about my husband. This is when I shed the tears a lot of tears. I just had a security system put in, so I don't have to worry about intruders because I live in the country. I have great neighbors, and we watch out for each other, but sometimes they can't see everything.

Feb 29, 2012
Great Men
by: Trish

I know exactly how you feel. I too had to make the decision to turn off the device that was keeping my husband's heart pumping. He was cremated. My niece went with me the day I picked up his ashes. I thought my knees would buckle as we walked into the funeral home and was handed a brown shopping bag with his ashes in it. My stomach flipped over.
I never thought my husband would actually die. The overwhelming pain is too much to bear some days.
Please take things one day at a time. I would think about spending the rest of my life (maybe 40 years) without my husband and have panic attacks. All we can do is our best. I have done so much soul searching and trying to figure out who I am without my husband over the past year. It's a work in progress. I'm still working on things.
I hope you can find some peace ~ we have to appreciate what we still have and learn to live with our beautiful memories. God gave us good men and we miss them. We always will. They will always be watching over us.

Feb 29, 2012
I Know...
by: Kevin

I understand what you are feeling my wife of 30 years died Feb 5th after fighting cancer for 22 months..I am in a "numb" stage.

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