My Husband Steve
On Oct 4 after a long battle with diabetes, cancer and kidney failure I lost the love of my life, Steve. He was my rock and I knew from the first time I met him we were meant to be together. Nov 24 will be our 40th anniversary and I don't know how I will get through that day. Our 2 sons and their families have been a great source of comfort for me, but even they don't know the nights I cry and scream. I retired 2 years ago to be with him, and will never regret that as we had some of the best talks of our whole marriage during those days, but now I need something to occupy my days. Have a lead on a part time job, but even that is iffy. Steve made the decision to come off dialysis as the pain was so bad. He was completely at peace with his decision and knew he would be with the Lord soon. I however never got to being at peace with it. Sometimes as unlogical as it is I am mad at him for making the decision to "leave me." The aloneness is what gets me the most, even when I am around others. I keep praying and hoping that this fog will lift and I can begin to heal. I understand what people say about others telling or thinking that its time to get on with life. If only they knew what they were asking. I know with the Lord's help I will survive this, but some days it seems so far away.