My husband was an alcoholic, cheated and left me
Don't know where to start. 1 year after the breakdown of my marriage I remain in pain. I was with my husband for 9 years and we have two small children together. He was married before and his ex wife suddenly left him although it is thought it was because of his alcohol addiction. He used to be my best friend from school and although I saw his drink problem when i met him, because I dumped him after 3 months he significantly cut down so it wasn't a problem. His friends commented how they have never seen him truly love before.... Until me. We fell head over heals and he made so many promised of never to hurt me or cheat. He knew I was scared as my first husband cheated and hit me. He vowed that I couldn't go wrong with him. He used to bey best friend and I believed him.
I then fell pregnant as planned and went on to have 2 children. The minute I fell pregnant his drinking escalated. His personality changed in which one minute he wanted us to be together, then the next minute he was abusive to my children From my first marriage.... Calling my son a useless waste of his dads s****. He called me the c word and then blamed us all for everything and left to go on 3 day binges. This happened every 3 months but the verbal abuse continued in between. When he used to come back he would say he came back as I felt sorry for him.
I had enough and have him a choice.... Booze or his family. He went to live with his sister to come off the booze as he claimed. He came home and was acting strange and guilty. He left his phone on the side when he had a bath and I saw texts from another woman saying she loved making love to him. This killed me.
Instead of begging and pleading he packed his stuff and left. He got a flat and told his parents it was a short tenancy and he was coming home. I told his parents he was an alcoholic who cheated on me and they refused to believe me ..... Instead listening to his story of putting up with my disrespectful teenagers. I told them it's a lie and my kids were now old enough to answer h back when HE used them.
Him and the woman he cheated on me with didn't last. He kept texting and phoning telling me not to get a boyfriend as he was coming home and was working on quitting the booze. However I found out 2.5 months after we split that he had met an alcoholic woman who is on benefits, immense acne scaring and is the village bike!! That is what he has chose to be with.
I am pretty,tall, earn a high wage, loved him, focused on his needs, in fact his friends think he is totally mad as they know I didn't put a foot wrong in the relationship.... I just couldn't watch him drink himself to death anymore. For that he punished me and told me to die of cancer when I found out about his alcoholic girl friend.
He is still with her and I remain loving him in silence. I have blocked him from contacting me. He picks the kids up from my friends as I will not allow him near me. I got left to take our children on my own to Taiwan for a month ... Our holiday. He has shown zero remorse, he wants me to die, he used to threaten to come and ruin my life (out the blue before I blocked him). He parties with his alcoholic gf and is supported by his enabling family and his sister who is a heavy drinker. My ex drank 7 days a week, drank drive and his hands shook violently by mid morning .
I can't get over what he has done . Not once has he looked back. I cant date as I love him. I hear about his happy life while I wallow in pain. Why does he get to be happy after what he did? I go for counselling and he got to hear about it and told me 'you still want me back lol and you need to get your money back from your counsellor as it's not working' .
I focus on me but I can't see myself loving again. I am numb and still cry. He never told me what I did wrong..... I just get his friends telling me now and again his gf is hideous and he made a mistake leaving me.
My self esteem is shot.... I have none. To leave me for such a poor quality woman makes me feel worthless. He is going on holiday with her, his Facebook is full of how happy he is, whereas I suffer as I truly loved him. All his needs and wants came first.... Never mine. I have nightmares. I don't know what to do and am still in grief. I am angry god has allowed such an evil narcissistic person to be happy whereas I suffer. I have put him on a pedestal but can't take him off. Never ever have I met someone so truly evil and yet I miss him and want him back. If this is how my life is going to be then I don't want it. It's awful .