My husband was taken away, too early

by Donna Walker

Click on each photo to enlarge.

I lost my husband on Feb. 06, 2012. Jerry, my husband was fighting a battle that he lost only with his body because his mind and heart stayed fighting until the very end. He was diagnosed with colorectal cancer on April 4, 2011; the cancer had no intentions of staying in one place and he died of Metastatic Colorectal Cancer, he was only 35. When he took his last breath of life I was there holding his hand telling him it was ok to go, and knew it was in my head but heart wanted him to stay with me because I did not want to be without him. One of the hardest struggles I’ve found about my husband passing away is the life I had before pretty much dies with him. The hopes, dreams and plans that we made as a couple passed over along with my husband. Every fiber of my being has been changed because he is no longer here for me to love or be loved by him. At first, his death left the obvious holes; no more him, no more seeing, smelling, holding, or sharing with him. I feel as though when more time passes, more holes will appear: no one to help with the kids, no one to help with the house and no one to talk to in the intimate way I could talk to him. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so completely alone. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the weight of loneliness and emptiness as I do now. Then our lives, our hopes, and dreams were obliterated. In the year prior to his illness, we were coming into a solid comfort zone in life. We were happy with our jobs, our family life, and our marriage. We were married for a very short 3 years, and 3 weeks shy of 4 years. But, we had been together for 3 years before then. We met each other at our job and miraculously were happy with each other. We appreciated who we had become. So, he dies. I’m still here. I am left to walk the earth without him and to carry on the plan. Carry on the plan…? I now have to realize that I cannot carry on our plan alone and to come to grips with the fact that I need to create new plans. I need to dream and hope without him. I don’t like this and I will not go this direction without kicking and screaming for my old dreams, my old hopes, and my old life. My future is going to be a very difficult thing for me to let go by the wayside. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to do all this again. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to do this alone. I don’t think it’s fair that I am left with my hopes and dreams shattered in pieces on the floor. I always thought that I was pretty independent, but I long for that feeling of being part of someone else’s life so much. I miss finishing each other's sentences, knowing each other's thoughts without even having to speak. I was truly blessed for the wonderful years we had together, but I am heartbroken that it had to end too soon.

Comments for My husband was taken away, too early

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Feb 11, 2014
by: Anonymous

Thank you for you thoughts I recently lost my wife 4 months ago. She was only 34. We knew each other 4 years and married 3. Yes, the future is an unknown even though we thought we had plans. Life really is an unknown and at this time viewed as unfair. We have a beautiful 2 year old son. But as you stated, nothing can resolve the unfinished plans. I know things will get better but feel so cheated without my wife and feel like I am cheating her if I move on.

Jan 25, 2013
one year later
by: Donnaw

Here it is just about one year later and I feel the same and it hurts to keep hurting

Mar 08, 2012
Taken Away too young
by: Marilyn McGill

My Partner Irving Bell of 10 years passed away suddenly on Monday the 10th Of October 2011 of a Brain Hemorrage he was only 59 he didnt feel well on Saturday morning and passed away on the monday we should have had at least another 20 years together its just all the plans we had made to take our two granddaughters to euro disney before they started School and go on a cruise for Irving's 60th he would have been 60 on the 24th June 2012 i miss him so much it is the lonlieness especailly at night time i was reading other peoples losses its so sad my mum also passed away on Thursday the 21st October 2010 i miss my mum also but i wasnt with my mum 24/7 as i was with Irving i have a photo of Irving when we were on a cruise for my 50th 4 years ago which i kiss all the time i know people say time is a good healer but i think its getting harder for me love you always Irving and Mum xxx

Mar 07, 2012
I know your pain
by: Gary Zigich

I am sorry donna for your loss, my wife had just past away on feb,2 1012, she was 43, and I know how you are feeling right now I cry every night, know one realy know's how we are feeling. grif takes time. so you take as much time as you need and don't let anyone tell you how to should grief. my wifes name was dawn and we were with eachother 24/7 for 12 years.she passed from a brain anurisum, This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life,she ment the world to me. but remember the good times you had with each other,you will allways have that.Our harts are broke but thay shall mend. Nothing anyone says can comfort us,but people mean well. what helps me get through this is praying at night before I go to bed,and try to talk to my wife through god. If you ever need to talk to someone about you loss of your husband, you can email me at may god bless you Gary Zigich

Mar 05, 2012
Too early
by: M Mack

I am sorry for your loss. Jerry was very handsome and taken way too soon. The stages of grief are long and hard. I am no expert, but I can tell you they do become bearable with time. The main thing is that you take it slow, don't overwhelm yourself and mourn at your own pace. It has been 20 months for me traveling this journey. My pain has become tolerable some days better than others. I found this site early on and believe me, I wouldn't have made it without reading what others felt. The people on here are understanding, sympathetic and honest. Read as many posts as you can. You will cry and breakdown but then you realize how many go through this. I have vented many times and the advice has been firsthand and helpful. Write, read about grief and you will tolerate the ups and downs associated with lost love. Know you are never alone. For me this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through- I'm sure you'll agree. Sending my prayers and hugs as you travel this road. Take care and light speed.

Mar 04, 2012
I know what you are feeling
by: Kevin

My beautiful wife died of cancer on Feb 5th 2012...we where married for 30 years ...she was 57.
My feelings are just as raw as yours right now...and I share the same thoughts about a future side-tracked????

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