My identical twin sister passed away, I wish I was told she only had three days to live.
Four weeks ago my identical twin sister passed away. She was 51 years old. I wasn't told she only had three days to live, I was just told she was dead. My parents were told at the hospital she had 3 days to live because her organs were failing and didn't even call me to let me know. I had been mad at her for the last four months and wasn't talking to her like I used to. We did this from time to time and I had no reason to think we wouldn't start talking and hanging out again like usual. My parents choose not to call me, so I never knew she was dying. I was denied the right to apologize, tell her I love her, hold her hand and be with her when she passed. I didn't want her to die thinking I was still mad at her or being lonely. Because my parents not only didn't tell me she was dying, they didn't tell her four children. They also didn't stay with her in the hospital. They drove back to their home town to sleep and left her alone in the hospital to die.
This is how I found out she had died: My Mother called my husband on a Monday night to tell him that my sister had died and to find the right moment to tell me. He told me he told her I would see it on his face and he was right. I knew someone had died, just not her. I asked him if something happened to my father and he said no, it is your sister. I said is she dead? He said yes. I said did she kill herself? And he said no. (I asked this because she had been real depressed lately.) That’s when my world changed. First, my parents didn't want to tell me themselves that she died, they had to tell my husband.
I called my Father right after that to find out what happened this is what I was told: My Father went to her house on Saturday to help her pack some more stuff because she was in the process of moving. He found her in bed and said she couldn't feel or move her legs. He said he called my Mom to see what to do and she told him to call 911. Who doesn't call 911 first? He said the fire department came and searched the house, and then took her to a medical center. They did some tests and then sent her to a hospital. The hospital said she had inflamed pancreas, cirrhosis, gallstones and was bleeding internally from alcoholism, and probably had 3 days to live because her organs were shutting down. My Father then leaves her there, doesn't call any family members and drives home about 2 or 3 hours away. The next day, Sunday both my Mother and Father go to the hospital and another doctor confirms to them she was dying and did not have much longer to live. They again drive home, leaving her there by herself but did call one of her kids that evening. Just one. The next morning, Monday the hospital calls them and said she is not going to make it much longer to get there as soon as they can. They still don’t call me, but they called her other children and my older sister. My sister asked if they had called me and they told her they didn't want to ruin my vacation. (I was only 3 hours away and yes my sister should have called me too. I realize my family is really jacked up now after going thru this). Her kids went to the hospital and got to say their goodbyes before she passed. I was told by one of the kids that after she passed and they were waiting in the waiting room, my mother said to my father we should call (me). My niece said to them, you haven’t even told her twin yet? Still no call for hours, till they finally called my husband after they drove again 2 or 3 hours home.
I have cried so much, but I do know she is at peace and will no longer be unhappy or in pain. I have also gone to grief counseling but I can’t get over the anger I have at my parents for not telling me my identical twin was dying. I just can’t wrap my head around why you don’t call anyone, including her kids. I think it is to punish me for being mad at her the last four months and that they are ashamed that she died from alcoholism. My parents choose to deny me and my twin our last encounter together on this earth and I don’t think I can ever forget that. I hope I can someday forgive them, but it doesn't look like anytime soon for me. Now I am just so mad and hurt I can’t even talk to them. I am so sad that I could not tell her I love her, tell her I’m sorry and hold her hand.