MY Irish

by Dawn

Another Holiday.I sound like a pro and I am Not. 14 weeks of pure hell. I am upset with him right now. How could you leave me? He fought hard, cancer the three headed dragon put out his fire. But right NOW I hurt so bad. I dont want a new normal. I dont want to grieve hard because we loved so much. I cant think straight. I dont want to get through tomorrow so it will be one more day closer to the end of grieving. In my heart I know I will always grieve this deep. I am so lost without him. He taught me what Love is..I know yous out there feel the same. Talk to me please

Comments for MY Irish

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Jun 16, 2012
my irish
by: shaz

i feel your pain and the torture you are going through.i lost my true love,soulmate and my friend just 13 days one understands the pain until it hits yourself i just want to be with him,i cant understand why he left me,even though it wasnt his choice to leave.he left suddenly,still awaiting the cause.the pain is maddening and you just dont know which way to go in life as life doesnt have a meaning without them in it.since finding this wonderful site i have visited every day and feel a little calm and hopefull that we will all travel this journey and find some peace at the heart goes out to each and everyone at this heartbreaking time in our lives.

May 30, 2012
My Irish
by: Dawn

Thank you folks for your comments and stories.Times arnt always as hard as the other night but it helps to know you cared enough to write Thanks again

May 30, 2012
I understand
by: Cathy

My husband died of Lung cancer April 25 2012 on May 11th we would have been married 44 yrs. My heart is broken, I feel the same way every day you try to be strong and get thru but it is very lonely and without my best friend, and the sweetest man who ever lived it just is so difficult. I used to tell him with the cancer, one day at a time baby steps and I am trying to do the same thing. Also, I know he is here helping me thru the rough times, I just know it and that we will be together again one day this all helps to get me thru the difficult days. He was diagnosed on Dec. 1 had surgery and was told he had stage 2A but at that time (surgeon didn't tell us) there was a spot on the adrenal gland which made it a stage 4 and then aggressive chemo, but in the end the chemo weakened him (third treatment did him in) 2 six hr days eac. and he never made the 4th was in the hospital with a collapsed lung, had a heart attack and they put a chest tube in but developed an air leak and then didn't eat and slept alot with pain killers, on April 24th made a decision (couldn't breathe with out putting him on a ventilator) so we did comfort meds and he died in less than 12 hr. very sad terrible disease. Understand your pain.

May 29, 2012
Insane dance
by: Zoe

Oh my you are still so new to this
Grief . I know you may not believe it but up until now you have been somewhat numb
I know the pain is bad it might get worse
It has been two years and two months
I still have days that bring me to my knees
Of course you did not choose this
No one chooses widow
This grief is a thing it picks us up and slams us then does it again
Do what you need too
Don't worry when people ask you if u r better
They don't know what to say
And for now put your head down
One breath one step one day at a time

May 29, 2012
My Irish
by: Pat J.

I lost the love of my life on June 27,2011. He died of a massive heart attack. We were married 46 years on the 26th of June. He was in and out of the hospital with health issues since April 18th. Last year at this time he was in the hospital for a week. He came home on May 30th and was brought back in on June 6th. He was in the hospital until June 25th. My life was really just taking it one day at a time; telling my husband he had health issues, medically they were being dealt with and that our life at the time just was; "It is what it is". When we left the hospital, he told me he felt like he had left part of himself at the hospital. I told him he left the sick part there; recovery was going to be slow. Little did I know how soon his death would forever be a part of my life.
We all are alot stronger than we realize. I don't like this new life that has been forced on me by his death. But he was such a proud man and he would not want to live the quality of life he was left with. God spared him and me alot of suffering.
I miss him as much 11 months later and my love for him is probably stronger, if that is possible. He will always be the love of my life. We have 5 adult children and 8 grandchildren and 2 step-grandchildren; yet I feel so alone. Only one who has been where we are can truly understand.
I joined a grief support group and met three widows. We have a friendship that is really amazing, as we didn't know each other, until our husbands death.
Come to this site. I have been on this site everyday since I found it. My post is "The Love of My Life". I posted three times since his death and I have replied to many others.

May 29, 2012
I don't want a new normal either
by: Julie

I am so tired, too, of all the things they tell us we must do to get over our grief. The one way that I really want to get over it is to be done with this life and go be with my Charlie. I believe we will grieve forever and I don't want to do that for 5,10 or God forbid 20 years.
You are definitely not alone in the grief department. There are so many who feel as you do. I'm not sure that is a consolation but at least you can say anything to those of us who are like you. i wish you some peace.

May 29, 2012
To the peaceful side
by: Judith in California

Dawn, for now just grieve as you will. Down the road you will grieve less. It's been 21 months for me and I cry less and have come to the peaceful side of grief. WE will forever miss them and have that empty space in our hearts no one will ever fill but we will move forward and do the best we can. WE become even stronger and know we can handle the things our loves used to take care of. It's scary at times but for the most part we are okay.

We do this with God's help. May he continue to bless our lives with our most loving memories of our loves and give us the strength to continue forward into a less paInful new life for ourselves.

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