My Jack

by Andrea
(Watertown, Ma)

My love of my life passed away on Nov 18 2013. Married 30 years.. I am lost...heart broken. I feel like my life died with him. I put on a brave front for my beautiful 3 adult children. I get up go to work push my way thru the day. Nights and weekends are the hardest. Some of my family and friends don't understand why I am still so upset.. I am mourning. The loss of my husband is unbearable. I feel like it's all a bad dream and I am dazed and confused. I cry myself to sleep every night and cry at the drop of a hat.. How does one survive.... I hate this. I am so sad and my pain unbearable.

Comments for My Jack

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Apr 12, 2014
to Julie
by: bluebird

Julie,

I don't really understand the concept of "heaven", either. I don't know if there is an afterlife or not, which makes my husband's death even harder for me. You said that you have heard from your husband, which i'm sure helps you feel at least a little bit better. Would you mind sharing something about that experience, about what happened?

In any case, I'm sorry your husband died, and I hope you are able to find some peace.

Feb 11, 2014
Heartache
by: Doreen UK

Julie you say you don't understand the concept of heaven.
Jesus is in heaven preparing a place for those who love and accept him, and want to be with him. We were all created by God and because of the sin of Adam and Eve we DIE. We were created out of the dust of the earth but woman was created out of the rib of man. But when we all die our body (which is the shell) goes back to the earth. Our Spirit which is our breath of Life goes back to God who gave it. According to the American preacher David Jeremiah. God has an intermediate body to house the SPIRIT (which is the soul of man). Ready to be resurrected at the second coming of Jesus Christ. Only the body dies and goes back to the earth but the spirit is alive with God in heaven. In a soul sleep. According to Preacher David Jeremiah. The people who have done evil and lived such a life go straight to HADES which is HELL ready for judgement day. Their soul does not go to Heaven to be with God. God judges us whilst we are living. It is up to man/woman where they want to live. In heaven or Hell.
David Jeremiah is talking all about DEATH and HEAVEN in his Radio and TV programmes on presently in the U.K. and America and on the God Channel which is worldwide. I find this series so comforting whilst I am grieving for my husband who died 21 months ago of cancer. We can have the BLESSED HOPE of SALVATION. This is so comforting to all those who are grieving a loss of a loved one.
I hope you find this "Good News" comforting in the confusion of death and where we go when we die. May God draw close and Comfort You and all of us on this site in our grief, and bring us HIS PEACE.

Feb 11, 2014
I hear your pain
by: Anonymous

My James
I cry even typing or thinking or saying his name..love of my life
Married 30 years. Melanoma is such a silent cancer once it finds a way into the bloodstream. It will be 2 years this April 4th and like all the others here, I cry every day.
Its all those little things you miss, a kiss goodbye of a morning when off to work..another peck when getting home each night..talking about your day...hundreds of things two people share during a life time together.
I am constantly looking for answers on how long grief should be.
It seems "forever" maybe is the answer and we just learn to go on day by day and it may get easier.
I wish you all the best...its not easy

Jan 29, 2014
heartache
by: Julie

MY husband died suddenly of a blood clot after half knee replacement surgery. His doctor didn't give him a stocking or blood thinning medication because he had a slight bleed.
It has been 19mths since he passed and I cry every day. Waking up in the morning is like waking to a nightmare. I met my husband when I was 15yrs old and he was 21. We had 3 children and now I have 2 grandchildren with another on the way.
Some days I sit and cry for most of the day and other days I get through it even thought I feel numb. Death of a loved one is too much to bear and I wonder why I am still here without him.
Every day that passes I think I am a day closer to him even though I don't understand the concept of "heaven".
He has spoken to me so I know there is "something" but that doesn't help with the pain of losing him at the age of 59.
He was an exceptional husband/father/grandfather and I don't know why he was taken from us.
There are people who don't deserve to be on earth yet they exist for many years.
I can tell you that it doesn't get easier you just have to live with it because your heart still beats and you wake up every day and you have to go on for your family.

Jan 26, 2014
my jack
by: Anonymous

I cringe every time I see another entry of a loving man gone before his time. This happened to me last year, married for same length of time. It is not fair that fine men die and we are left with the dirt bags. It is not fair that other less than successful marriages continue on. All I can say is everything you read about your new predicament will come into play, time will have a whole new meaning, and it will be the hardest thing you ever do. You have older children and hopefully they can be your crutch through this.
I don't fear death only existing without my love. People who add to your grief, people who don't understand your deep hurt and the magnitude of your loss--cut them loose! My heart goes out to you.

Jan 26, 2014
Sympathy
by: Lawrence

Dear Andria,
You have joined a web site with many people grieving crying and overwhelmed by the loss of a loved one.
There is no easy way through it, and I tell you, although you already know, that its hell on earth, and I personally have never been so sad, devastated and heartbroken in my life at the sudden loss of my beautiful wife and sweetheart after being together for seventy years.
As you said nobody understands, but I assure you we all here know exactly what you are going through and can only offer our deepest, heartfelt sympathy and weep with you.
It is such early days, and you must let nature take its course, by that I mean cry and cry, don’t put on a brave face for anyone. Let the world know you have lost the man you adored and loved more than life itself, they wouldn’t expect you to feel any different.
The only consolation I can offer is that I was in your shoes just over a year ago and yet here I am offering solace and sympathy, so it does show the intense pain and grief will lessen with time and although you will never forget him you will do what we all do, plod on with your life although it will always be incomplete without him, and thank God for the wonderful thirty years you had together, so few people get to have such happiness..
I have read blogs where people say “ONCE THERE WAS WE NOW IT’S JUST ME “or “WE ARE STILL A PAIR JUST MINUS ONE” all so true.
I’m so sorry you had to join this web site but now that you have, Welcome and let us know how you are doing.
Lawrence

Jan 26, 2014
My Jack
by: Doreen UK

Andrea I am sorry for your loss of your partner of 30yrs. You have described accurately the whole experience of feelings and emotions we all go through when we have lost a spouse. It is early days for you. I was married 44yrs. and lost my husband at age 65yrs. to cancer that grew inside him for 40yrs. working with asbestos. He died 20 months ago and I have some of the worst days now. I couldn't function for the first 6 months and sat on the couch for 6 months and let TV nurture me till I was able to do this for myself. After 6 months I started to feel I could tackle one or two jobs a day and built on this. Like you I also have 3 Adult children and whilst they have lost a father they can somehow overcome the loss of a father quicker than you and me who have lost a spouse. It is a whole different type of grief. Your family and friends won't understand what this grief feels like so won't be understanding. Many of us here on this site have expressed the same hurt. A grief counsellor would be a better support to you at this time and also a support group. You can keep a journal also and write out your feelings and hurt so as to get them out of your system so healing can take place. I kept a journal and wrote letter's to my husband telling him what his loss has done to me and affected my life etc. You can structure your journal how you want. This grief is so painful and the worst experience of our life. You wouldn't even be able to imagine what losing a spouse feels like. Grief pain cannot be described. I get through my grief ONE DAY AT A TIME. I learned this on this site and I still can only take one day at a time. Sometimes I feel all the days ahead in my body and not my mind and I then feel anxiety and fear. I hate this feeling. It overwhelms me. I need to be in control of my Day. A wife will usually put the needs of her family first and then after losing her spouse will be overcome with feelings of desperation. With questions. "What do I do with ME?" "How do I go on alone without him?" etc. Your 3 Adult children will be absorbed in their own independent lives and you will feel so lost and alone. I also find the weekends so unbearable. More so because my husband died late on a Saturday night and we sat around till the early hours of Sunday morning processing my husband's body being removed from our home, and all the relatives leaving and I can't recover this loss of the weekend. He was buried on a Friday but somehow a Friday does not affect me the same way. He had a beautiful funeral/burial as funerals go, and a WAKE to be proud of. I wish He could have seen this and how his work colleagues attended and how well it all ended. I also will never recover from losing Him. It hurts me more after 20 months. WE all eventually recover from Grief. Our journeys are all different. But having good supportive family and friends does help otherwise we can feel so isolated.

Jan 26, 2014
Feel so lost, too
by: Lizzie, Australia

Dear Andrea - So so sorry for the loss of your beloved Jack. I also know what you are going through. Family and friends have no idea. That is why I come here regularly, as I find comfort being here with others who understand the despair we feel. My beloved partner of 20 years Pete died suddenly 9 weeks ago. After the initial shock, I thought I was doing ok, but then out of the blue, reality smacks me in the face every day. I think the best we can do is face one day at a time, let the tears flow when they come, and don't ever let any one tell you they know how you feel, because they don't. They have no idea. The despair truly sucks. Be kind to yourself Andrea, and take one day at a time, as I do. Big warm hugs to you, sweetheart. Please take care.

Jan 25, 2014
my Jack
by: Anonymous--MI

The date that you posted caught my attention as my beloved husband of 43 yrs died on Nov. 18, 2012 and I am truly sorry that you are having to travel this road of grief. It has been 14 months for me and I know exactly what you are going through-the shock, the emptiness, the sheer horror of what has happened to our lives as we once knew and loved. Wonderful people on this site will tell you to take one day at a time. To not think too far ahead and worry about 6 months or even one month from now. There is a great deal of learning in the first year after our loved one dies; especially for widows who depended on husbands for so many things in the financial and business aspect and the decision making that we never had to do. I want you to know, that we are stronger than we ever knew we could be. We have a choice to try to move forward for our families but we need to keep going for ourselves, our sanity and our very life. It is a very difficult and sad journey we are on but keep trying to go one day--one decision--one step at a time. I am still broken hearted and so missing my husband but God gives me strength for what I need to do and I pray that peace and contentment will come in God's time. He is my only hope of any joy to return to my life and I know that because of Jesus I will see my husband again in heaven. Best wishes to you for God's mercy and grace as you are dealing with the loss of your precious husband.

Jan 25, 2014
I know your pain
by: Anonymous

Andrea, I have been coming to this site for the past two years and three months since the loss of my husband. I just read your post and I felt I had to respond. You want to know how does one survive. You do it by coping with one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, and one breath at a time. It is not easy, there will be a good day and then there will be bad days. There will be ups and downs and life becomes a roller coaster.Even at this point in time my life is defined by getting through each and every day and I look forward to going to bed and know I have made it through another day. People go on with their lives and those of us who grieve are left behind but unfortunately unless you have been through a great loss such as ours they don't and can't understand. Just know that there are others on this site who understand and know just what you are going through and this has been a great comfort to me. It is early days for you and just be kind to yourself, if you need to cry then cry, if you need to yell then yell. You will learn to cope but it is not instantaneous, it will take time. I feel for you and for all of us who are grieving and as some wise person on this site quoted "one breath at a time".

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