My Jimmy continued
I went to the grief counselor today. Today I went with her to the next building with her where my husband passed away. I wanted to get a different picture in my mind of how he looked after he passed away. To see him after he passed away was very traumatic for me. He looked so different. I would not even believe it if I didn't trust the people who took me back to the hospice facility. He had his glasses on, but he looked so different and it hadn't even been that long since he passed away before I got back to him. I wasn't even gone 30 min when I got the call that he passed away.
I was so thankful I had a conversation with the social worker that very morning. She said sometimes loved one wait till you go on a walk or go out to do some errands. I went into my husbands room the morning he passed. He last words to me were I have business to take care of. My words back to him were: Honey everything is ok, you don't have to worry about that stuff I am taking care of it. He layed back down I knew he wasn't there. But his spirit was still wanting to take care of me. So I reassured him and told him I am taking care of everything that I will be alright. That I had to run a few errands and I would be right back. I kissed him and told him I love him and told him to just let his body rest. He passed away while I was out. He gave me the gift of not having to see him take his last breath. I know I would of end up in the hospital myself.
So I went to the building and looked around and my counselor and I talked. We talked about how things went when Jim was at the facility, how he looked. It helped, it was hard very very hard to go back into that building and to talk about him and how he passed away. I don't feel as traumatized as I have been. Ok for right now I don't feel so traumatized. I can feel the love we shared and how he will always be in my heart. I love you my Jimmy good my sweet love Tiamo and I kiss your frienta/forehead. Your Maria