My job is done

by Yvonne

It has been a year since Roger passed away. I have been doing a little reflecting and I have decided that my job on earth is done. I raised three of my own children and a step son. And not to brag but I think I have done a pretty good job. After they left the nest it was me and my Rog. We were always together. We loved road trips. Went everywhere, All of the national parks and even Alaska. He loved to drive and I loved to ride. WE both loved to dabble with video poker and I was really lucky. He used to tease me and say that we should quit our jobs and I should gamble. But I told him once it stopped being fun I would probably start losing. So here I am! Went to the casino once and cried. Tried to drive to my sons house 8 hours away and cried. I have no big desires, Nothing i always wanted to do. I have no regrets. I am not happy -I am not sad - I just am. I am tired of people telling me I will be OK-because I won't-I just miss the love of my life and really am lost without him. So I just feel my job on earth is done and i will just wait until God realizes it too.

Comments for My job is done

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 08, 2011
My job is done
by: Pat J

Your job isn't done. Standing at my husbands grave aFter his funeral, I felt exactly the same way. I was ready to join my husband. I felt and still do feel part of me died with him. It is only 2 1/2 months since he died. We were married for 46 years. He died the day after our 46th wedding anniversary. He died at 12:10 a.m. on the following day.
I told God I too was ready to join my husband I felt so alone. I still feel so alone; yet we have 5 adult children and 8 grandchildren. I realize, I am being selfish. I have this horrible emptiness, but my family also lost a dad and grandfather. They need me. I told our children, we need to cherish his memory, and always live our life in a way he would want us to-always make him proud of us.
My children always tell me I am so strong. I don't feel strong. I shed many tears, yet, I try not to shed them in front of them, because when I have tears, it seems to always bring tears to them also. They would ask me how I was doing and I would say fine. Last week I finally came to the conclusion; I needed to tell them,I am not fine; I am just faking it, until I can make it.
It is really hard; I am very sad and lonely. I miss so many things about Red. That's what everyone called him. His name is Leonard, but he had this beautiful Red hair when he was young, which had turned more gray, but still beautiful.
We have to make our loved one, whom we will always miss terribly and for whom we will always have this ache in our heart for, proud of the new person we have become because of their death. They would not want us to give up-we have to make them proud. We will live for the both of us. We are only one on earth, when before we were a pair, but our loved one lives forever in our heart.

Aug 15, 2011
Ohhh no your new job is beginning
by: M Mack


The old job may be done, but now you have a new challenge-that is your new job. I know the feelings where you are on this road. I am struggling with this concept as well. What am I exactly supposed to do now. I've been stuck in the mud, and the anniversaries, birthday, the day he passed are like quicksand. I've been told I'm the only one who can really help myself live in the here and now. How do I do that? I've got a long way to go, and if I could just get through one day without the tears and breaking down, It will be progress. If I'm wrong, then trying to move ahead will be a waste of time but at least I know i did something to keep busy. What we've all been through is not simple. We've been through the most complicated emotional tragedy that a human being will ever endure as the survivor of our soulmate. Keep working on you climbing out of the sadness and know you are not alone. Let's find out if our efforts will bring some happiness.

Aug 15, 2011
Driving Forward
by: TrishJ

If your job was really done you wouldn't still be here. I, like you, am consumed with grief from the loss of my husband 8 months ago. I know I can't drive my car forward by only looking in the rear view mirror. That's what I've been doing. It's not working. I (my car) can't move forward because I refuse to look through anything but the rear view mirror. I don't want to move forward and it's really beginning to scare me.
Tomorrow would've been our 38th wedding anniversary. I knew I would have a problem with the day but I didn't think the thought of it coming would consume my life for the last week. I haven't really left my apartment. I've been in a dark tunnel and am actually physically ill trying to deal with this.
Look at me trying to give you "the talk." You and I sadly have something in common. We don't want to move on. For what? To be hurt again?? No thank you.
One thing I know for sure.....we have to keep trying. Not because everyone says we have to but because we need to. For us. Today and tomorrow I'll be taking things one breath at a time.
I'm hoping for better days for both of us. Your time is not done here Yvonne. We're just stuck for now. Hopefully when we least expect it we will be shown how to drive forward. Until then keep your caution lights on.

Aug 15, 2011
Jobs completed
by: Judy


The feelings you described in your posting are exactly what I have been wrestling with over the past several weeks. Barry has been gone almost 2 years. I don't have the slightest idea what I'm supposed to do now and who I am. My major role of wife is gone and my role of mother is now greatly reduced. I actually sat down the other day and wrote a list of things that I am besides a widow. It actually took up a whole page. Some were important (committed employee) and some were trivial (neighbor). But they added up to a whole person whom I now need to get to know better, respect and love.

Adapting to life without Barry is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I still miss him so much. Sometimes the loneliness is an actual ache. But there is no going back so we must go forward. There's no "moving on" or "getting over it." There's just adapting to life alone.

Nobody said this was easy. No rose gardens here. But each day that passes is a triumph that you've completed by yourself. And you are never alone, we are always here, and Roger is always with you in your heart.


Aug 15, 2011
Waiting Alone
by: Patricia From Las Vegas

Your words echo mine and my heart. It's 1 year 2 months and I'm still waiting. No word's will comfort a lost soul because the pain of losing a soul mate is the devastation of our lives.
I wait, I cry, I wish to see my Billy everyday. I will not lie, but until I'm taken to be with him I will cherish and live on the memories of our lives. I just hope we'll be together soon...
but until then,
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year

Aug 14, 2011
by: Anonymous

I can relate to this as I felt the same, but
we have to continue. Even if it hurts, honoring our spouses somehow makes it better. Married 20+ years,
my beautiful wife was my life. I miss her every moment of every day. She passed at age 49, so full of life. She was my hero. And my reason for living. Your children need you to be strong, as mine do to. There is a far greater power than we really know, I believe. For me, it was the power of Love. God blessed me when I met my wife, my true Love. Honoring her memory, even in small ways, lets me know we will be together again, in a greater place. Please know you are SO not alone. Bless you !

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!