My last sibling gone

by Carol
(California)

Being the youngest daughter, having five sisters and three brothers, I often wondered what it would feel like if I were to be the only one left. It's something one can't imagine until it happens. Even if a death is expected, the emptiness felt is undefinable. Noone left to share with you the growing-up stories, family life, etc. Hard for others to understand the closeness of sharing with siblings. At times I feel they are all within me, with all the memories. And, at other times I feel so alone.

My children are deeply involved with their own lives--my daughter doesn't show much outwardly compassion, one son isn't on speaking terms with me, and the other son is loyal to his brother. I guess I'm having a "pity party." Time will help but as you get older, there isn't all that much time left. As others have said "one day at a time." It just takes time.

Comments for My last sibling gone

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 10, 2012
Thank you, Doreen
by: Carol

Thank you, Doreen, for sharing what a lot of us feel. My best to you.

Jul 09, 2012
My last sibling gone
by: Doreen U.K.

Carol, I am sorry for the loss of your sibling. You are feeling the lonliness of everyone gone and you are now on your own with Adult children doing their own thing. Living Life to the full while you feel like a spectator watching it all happen from afar and not being part of it.
You are not having a "Pity Party" Oh you are right it is called that. It isn't fair. I feel like this but daren't share how I feel because it would be seen as one having a "Pity Party" But why can't we express how we feel and the pain of lonliness without being told what to do, and how we can change our lives. Why do we have to change our lives? Why do we have to change anything in our world? Why can't we be heard, and express this without judgement. Life is lonely.
I am one of 5 girls and one boy. Having 4 sisters and a brother is good. I also have 3 Adult children. I remember them all being so needy that I was needed and always available. But when we need our children. They are too busy. They can't be bothered. They have anger issues. Usually it is having a favoured child. As a mother we are not permitted to express ourselves lest we upset the applecart and upset someone's feelings. Who said being a mother was easy. We do our best. We ask for nothing in return. We hit old age. And then. We endure our children's selfishness. When all we want is to be needed. valued. and Remembered that we still exist. All too often we hear at funerals. Oh! "How I wish I was here for my Mum and Dad." "How I wish I had spent more time with them" etc. etc. etc. I buried my husband 8 weeks ago. My son was crying about all the things he wished he had done for his dad. I reminded him that his Dad was waiting 3 years to have his radio put in his car? He wanted his one and only son to wash his car when he was so ill with cancer. Our son refused. He told his sister to do it. I ended up doing it and being caregiver and also cooking and having a meal ready when my son visited. Washed my sons clothes when he needed. No probelem. Chris never washed his Dad's car once. Why cry at time of death with regrets. I saw my husbands hurt. I heard his pain. My son's eulogy stated. When I broke down in my car it was my Dad who came miles in the middle of the night and rescued me. My son walked away from me. no goodbye. nothing. I am still here. By the time he matures and takes responsibility it will be too late. I won't be here. So what you are saying is True. not pity. Just wanting to be remembered some of the time.
Thank you for expressing this. You will have pressed a few buttons in people and they will feel the same. Hope all us mothers and father will be remembered by our children reminding them. WE DO EXIST. Best Wishes

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!