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My life my choice...

by Hope
(Tapahannock VA)

I can and will be happy again

I want to stop counting the months he died. (1 year 4 months today 4/6/11)

I want my life to start today.

I want to choose what direction my life goes without grief as my anchor.

I want my past to be a lesson for my future.

I want the courage to take life in any direction that I choose.

I do not want death and fear to conquer happiness.

I want to live "today is the first day of the rest of my life"

I want to love again starting with myself.

And I will embrace happiness with both hands grabbing on tightly. Life is meant to be lived not regretted...
HH

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My life my choice...

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For Trish
by: Mari

Trish, I really like that quote from Sigmund freud. There is a lot of truth in that.
I am glad you had a nice time with your friend. Laughter is good for us. We need it. You seem to be coming along,Trish. You are encouraging us.
Every Thursday a sister from church and I go out for breakfast. We have great fun.
I am also picking up more hours from my job and really like the job.
I will always miss my husband but my life is changing in a positive way. I feel better. I am still making changes in my life and it will take time. I am making changes in my home, getting it the way I want it.

God has been with me all the way.
I can laugh now about things my husband used to say. I remember when he asked me to buy him a shirt that said ''Help! I am married to a Norwegian.'' He will always be the love of my life but life does not stand still. God bless you.

Texas
by: Donna

Hope It's been about 8 1/2 months but I am so tired of being down all of the time. I know Bryan does not want this for me. One of the last conversations we had was him telling me, no begging me to please not grieve for him forever. You are such an inspiration for me. I really hope that my turn to want all of those things is coming up real soon. I don't know that I will ever want anyone else, but I do wish to smile and be happy again. I wish you and everyone on this site the best in our future (happy) lives. As always until we meet again one step one breath one day at a time I love you always Bryan

Choice
by: Zoe

Hope:

You know it is very rare that you see a situation in the human condition where someone is forced into a life not of their choosing, and can, through inner strength and bravery, still make it a life of personal choice. Despite the difficulties, you have managed to do just that.

Though our path through grief is different, please know that you have always inspired, even through your own pain, and I hope you have all of the happiness you seek, you deserve it.

Bonne Chance
Zoe

One More Thing......
by: TrishJ

I want my past to be a lesson future. That is the thing that struck me at the deepest level. I do want my past to be a lesson for my future. Everyone keeps asking me what I want to do with my future. I want, in some way, to do something that will give back to others. My husband and I had so much kind support from wonderful caring people during his illness. I want to find happiness in this life helping others. I have no idea what that will be but that is my goal. I'm too young to be a widow (will be 58 in a few months) and I know I have a lot to offer others.
Thank you for a beautiful post.

me too!
by: Judith in California

Hope, I too am at that crossroad of wanting to be a part of the new world and afraid to loose all of my past world.

When I write in my journal I keep it real. I am honest about the imperfect marriage we had. I think of the things he could have done to make us the greatest love story ever told when he was still mentally and physically able to do so.
There's days I have nothing to write about and then I feel guilty if I don't. Like he's expecting me to be long suffering in his death as I was in his life.

I broke free and joined a gym and that makes me feel better. I'm looking at folks on match.com to see what's out there in case I'm ready to make a move.

I go with a friend to places and look for what's out there. No, I'll never have what I had with HIM but I'm not supposed to. I must move on and find more happiness. One day at a time.

Good luck to all of you and I pray god will bless you with more happiness than you thought possible.

Chioce
by: Jen

Hi Hope,

Your words are so true and im sure we can all relate to them.
You are stronger than u might think.
You have taken this very important step and have started to think about ur future and that is positive.
We need to live again when it feels right. Its not wrong its right.
I find myself smiling sometimes at the thought of a future. it can be exciting when it feels right.
We deserve it so go girl at whatever pace u want, but u will get there, im sure of that. I wish a contented future for all of us,

Jenx

Choices
by: Judy

Hope,

Sitting at almost the same place that you are in terms of loss (16 months) I am also wanting the same things. To date I don't feel like I'm doing such a hot job since I am still in FL, still wondering how to get out of here and realizing that I have to take some pretty big risks to do it. Our grief support class said you had to take some risks to move forward, to embrace the new normal etc. The problem is that I am still somewhat scared, somewhat confused and missing the person with whom I discussed everything. So here I still am.

But I am trying to focus on the positive things I've done and keep on with my internal struggles. If everyday is the first day of the rest of your life then we need to take my Barry's advice and look at each day as an adventure. The adventure of today is about to begin so we will soldier on.

Hang in there, we will succeed!

JM

Your life, your choice
by: M Mack

Hope

As you know, when our loves left, they took a part of us with them. I'll never really be the same person without him.
I'll never ever find anyone like him either. There's a part of me that tries so hard to be happy and the other half tries to keep me mellow, down in the dumps. Then I think what good is that? I shouldn't be guilty to be happy, goof around, have fun. I have a right to a life because I was left here for a reason......to live.

Your resolutions are not stating you'll climb Mount Everest, or turn into Forest Gump walking for years until he got so tired he went home. You can and will do this and everyone here supports your spirit. If not for yourself, do it for those you love. Dance, sing, play, laugh and find a part of that lil ol person you used to be at one time. Most of all, the hardest thing is to lose the guilt for being left to live. Find comfort in yourself and keep up the great effort....you deserve happiness. My best to you Hope- just do it!

my life my choice
by: jules

Hope - how far we have come - we are looking to the future - not the one we would have chosen, but the one that was made for us - so we will live it, in the best way we can - we will look forward, we will enjoy ourselves, we will have fun with friends and family -
We will still love our lost loves, we will go on with our lives. We will get past the stage of counting the days, weeks, months.
We will make our own choices and decisions - and, yes, we will be happy.
I admire you for having the courage to put these feelings into words.
one step, one breath
take care.
jules

Follow the leader
by: Patricia From Las Vegas

I'm at 9 months and days counting. I too am working at living. What you wrote is wonderful and so very to the point. We all will reach it some day. I may not be moving some days but others the steps are getting better.
Just because we've loved and lost doesn't mean we are dead (sorry). We cared and loved our loved ones and so it will always remain in our hearts.
Life is what you make it, sometimes it a hail storm threatening to pull us to unmentionable depths. Other times were flying so you pick the time and place where you'll be. There is no right or wrong destination we travel. Just put one foot in front of the other, you decide if its baby steps or a leap of faith.
Thank you ~
always
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~

for Hope
by: Mari

Hi Hope. Everything you are saying is exactly what I feel and what I hope to accomplish.In fact I already started.
My husband passed away Nov 22 2009.
I don't cry as much. I can actually laugh about things we talked about. And although I will always remember him and the love we shared it has become easier.
I think you are a courageous person because you have taken those steps toward healing.
My new job has done wonders for me too. I am highly valued and the job is so rewarding. Since it is part time (but am picking up more hours) I work here too at the complex and have church too. It makes for a full life. I am redoing the house and just hear my husband saying,''That looks beautiful, sweetheart.''
You are doing all the right things and are an inspiration to others. I wish you all the happiness and blessings that you so deserve.

I Want That Too
by: TrishJ

Oh Hope~

I so badly want that too. I'm taking baby steps. Had lunch with an old high school bestie today and laughed until my sides ached. I'm going to try really hard not to let myself get down because I enjoyed myself without Joe. I have to embrace my future but I know I'm still in the healing stages. Only four months. There is a wonderful quote by Sigmund Freud on this website....."We find a place for what we lose".....It is so profound. That part of us will always remain inconsolable....but we work at it and we move on. We do deserve to be happy again!! It'll take time but at least I can see that I'm having a good day here and there. Returning to work will help.
I'll continue to come here to get inspiration from you and the many wonderful people on this site who have lost their true loves. You are all so inspiring. Right now I'm playing SMILE by Michael Bolton. It was one of the songs on my husband's CD that was prepared for him. I'm smiling. For now~today. God Bless.

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