My Little Brother

by Jill

On December 3, 2008, my little brother was killed by a drunk driver. He left behind a wife and two children, mom and dad, three brothers and two sisters and 15 nieces and nephews.

My brother was a preacher and only 35 years old, he was a good man, he was on his way home from work; a drunk driver crossed the center line and hit my brother head on. My brother lived for 4 hours after he was hit.

We have a lot of birthdays in December in my family, one on the first, one on the second, one on the fourth, and my brother passed away on the third. All of us siblings names starts with the same letter, all of our life we have all stuck together no matter what, there has never been anything that could come between us. Now we are separated from our precious brother, and we don't know what to do.

I read the seven stages of grief, I think I am having a lot of them at one time, I am sad, angry, depressed, reflective all at the same time, is this normal?

On Christmas day, we all were together, all knowing that the man who killed our brother was at home with his family, because we have to wait for the grand jury to meet, does anyone think this is fair? He will have a birthday in a few days, and he will be home for that as well.

I know I am rambling but I can not seem to keep a train of thought for more than 30 seconds. These last few weeks have a blur for me, maybe if I were thinking straight, it would be more than I could bear.

I feel so lost and sad and I keep looking and I can't find myself. Maybe my brother took me with him and I just don't know it yet, does that make sense? I don't eat much or sleep much, all I can think about is my brother and all the injuries he suffered and how hard he fought to stay with us.

And I think about the man who killed him and what I would like to say to him or do to him. I will always love my brother and I miss him with every beat of my heart.

Lost and grieving in KY-

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