my little girl

by Kelly B
(Az)

Two and a half years ago I gave birth to a little girl. She was beautiful. She was 15 weeks premature. Bit she was a fighter. She lived for a month before a bacterial infection took her away from me. I have never dealt with it. I cant even look at her stuff. She didn't have much seeing as she came before her baby shower. She was my angel I love her so much. And they also told me could not have another. So I was resigned. I am now 5 and a half months pregnant. My husband is very excited. Its a boy. I feel horrible but I don't want him. I want my little girl. I feel like I am betraying her. I feel like a terrible person. I feel like I wont be able to love my boy. Am I a bad person? Should I do something about this? I'm so lost and confused. I don't know what to do. Sorry I really needed to get this off my chest.

Comments for my little girl

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Oct 18, 2012
my little girl
by: Doreen U.K.

Kelly you are not a terrible or bad person, and you are not betraying your baby who died. You are not even trying to replace the baby you lost because you know you can't do this. What you are doing is trying to fill the VOID in your life and is a natural response. You say "What should I do" You should see a grief counsellor and FULLY GRIEVE the loss of your baby girl. You need to handle things positively otherwise what you feel will affect your unborn baby boy. I was depressed carrying my baby boy and He was born in Foetal distress and nearl died having the cord wrapped around his arm groin and neck, it has left its marks on him. You can't undo your emotions but a grief counsellor will be able to help you through this. I am so very sorry for your loss of your baby girl.
May God comfort you in your loss of your baby girl and grant you a safe pregnancy and birth and may you be a happy and successful mom.

Oct 18, 2012
Maybe your daughter helped, too.
by: Anonymous

I see in the first post that the writer says the child picks the parent. Well, maybe, God let your daughter help pick her brother? I will tell you, about your feelings . . . my daughter was severely premature. My complications with her pregnancy started early on. I was told every step of the way that she would not survive, and the day she was born by emergency c-section, she died, for awhile. Then, she came back. It was a long struggle, and eventually, she overcame it. You would think I would have rejoiced and never looked back. But, that was not the case. The reality was that I had such severe PTSD from it all that it took YEARS for me to finally move on. To put it behind me. So, I think what you are experiencing is only normal. Maybe, in a way, you almost feel like you are betraying your daughter? I say, your daughter is probably so excited to have a little brother. She is no doubt watching down from Heaven and hoping that you are just as excited as she is at the gift she got to help God pick out for you. God Bless!

Oct 17, 2012
Baby Boy
by: Anonymous

You know they say the child picks it's parents. If that is true there is a reason he picked you. I can't tell you the reason but I know God has given you this child and you have a second chance. You have to embrace this Child and give it your unconditional love. Your daughter will always be in your heart and your pain proves your love for her. Keep that and move forward with this miracle of birth. Don't hate yourself for your feelings. They are your feelings to work through. If you can do that you will be much stronger even a better mother.
Michael

Oct 17, 2012
my little girl
by: Linda

I don't think you're horrible at all. I think it's very normal to think so much of your little girl that you don't feel like you want this little boy. I think you will feel differently when he finally arrives, and that you will love him dearly. Each child is so different that we love them as individuals. I am praying for you.

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