My Little Monkey
by Desiree Becker
But when the day It came to see him for the first time, The first thing I saw was his little feet and cute round butt! I looked over at my boyfriend and my mother asking if he was cute, all they could do was cry and nod there heads. And when they brought him over to me, I couldn't believe I made this precious baby boy, I didn't know you could love someone as much as i love my son. It's an amazing feeling in your heart. I enjoyed everything about Alexander...waking up at 3 in the morning, making his bottles, changing his diapers, seeing his cute round face every morning and every night before i went to bed, putting him in his outfits, brushing his hair back, walking him when he wouldn't sleep, up and down the halls at night. I didn't matter because he was so perfect in my world, Nothing else mattered but my son. I prayed everynight to god thank you for blessing me with my son, everynight...well one night,on July 29th,2011.I went to bed early and the boyfriend was watching him this night, woke me up from a dead sleep, hes freaking out saying Alexander isn't waking up, I freak out and call 911, in the meantime hes trying to bring him back...the police and the whole crew came and tryed everything took him to the hospital....The doctors are telling me there trying to bring back still...im sitting there nervous,scared,numb...I didn't know what to think! They come in and tell me "They tryed everything to bring him back, and there sorry" I'm screaming on the top of my lungs! holding my boyfriend, punching him punching the walls, screaming still, I try and call my mom and she's not answering the phone...I keep at it for about 5 mins or so. and I'm screaming and crying trying to tell my mom. Alexander is dead...I couldn't believe it..i couldn't and didn't want to believe it. Anthony went back in the room to go look at our son, I couldn't do it... Got back home and I couldn't walk into my house, me or Anthony.. finally had to do it...I started to cry all over again seeing all his things just the way we left it, I couldn't do it. My family and His family came over..me and Anthony ended up going to his mom's house for a while..Then had to figure out funeral things...went to his service, I never went to a funeral in my life, and the start one I go to is my son's service...it was beautiful like Alexander. After the service it was quite, it was lonely I never felt this way in my life. I'm 19 years old and I losted my son, I loved watching him grown how big he was getting I couldn't believe it. The doctors told me he was such a smart baby and he was healthy, and then this happens...he was my world he was the only thing I thought about. I'm trying to life my live as much as I can, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my son, he was part of my everyday. But what I can say now...I miss holding him, I miss kissing him, I miss waking up in the middle of the nights, walking around, singing to him, telling him I love you" He's the perfect angle in the skies. I want him to know I love him greatly and I will love him till the day I die, and get to have my son back in my arms, once again. I wake up every morning missing something, I go to bed not kissing you goodnight, the only thing I have to kiss at night is your pictures, and your around my neck everyday, and that gives me some smile...but it's not the same... I should be around your neck, Mommies are suppose to die before your children do, No mommy wants to go to there babies funeral. No mommy should go through this...but sadly we do. God has a plan for all of us and sometimes we don't like the plans hes made. But when one door closes another one opens...well it's suppose to be that way. I do anything for my son to be back, my life it's self. even thought my son is no longer with me...he was still a blessing from God, and don't take that for granted...or life because you never know what may happen to the love ones in your life...they could be gone in a blink of an eye :'( My heart aces every day, I didn't know what pain was untill my son left this world...Now every one is having babies, and thats hard to see them grown up when I know I won't see my son grown up and hear him say mommy and daddy for the first time, or his first steps, holidays are going to be hard for me, he didn't even have his first birthday cake...Im never going to see the day he runs to mommy for a hug, when he says I love you back. He's first tooth..He never had the chance...he went to early. I hate that I have so much too miss out on... I love you Alexander forever Mommy will be with you one day, don't forget about me baby boy. I Love my son, and what gets to me is that there's mom's out there that don't give a shit about there children and are crazy and do drugs... I did everything for my son and god takes MINE!! its not fair...I will love you for the rest of my life, Alexander! my little monkey boy.
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