My Little Monkey

by Desiree Becker
(Mesa, Arizona)

I gave birth to my son Alexander Jayden Almond, on June 12th, 2011. He was the most beautiful baby in this world. I fell in love with my little man way before I've seen him.
But when the day It came to see him for the first time, The first thing I saw was his little feet and cute round butt!
I looked over at my boyfriend and my mother asking if he was cute, all they could do was cry and nod there heads.
And when they brought him over to me, I couldn't believe I made this precious baby boy, I didn't know you could love someone as much as i love my son. It's an amazing feeling in your heart. I enjoyed everything about Alexander...waking up at 3 in the morning, making his bottles, changing his diapers, seeing his cute round face every morning and every night before i went to bed, putting him in his outfits, brushing his hair back, walking him when he wouldn't sleep, up and down the halls at night. I didn't matter because he was so perfect in my world, Nothing else mattered but my son. I prayed everynight to god thank you for blessing me with my son, everynight...well one night,on July 29th,2011.I went to bed early and the boyfriend was watching him this night, woke me up from a dead sleep, hes freaking out saying Alexander isn't waking up, I freak out and call 911, in the meantime hes trying to bring him back...the police and the whole crew came and tryed everything took him to the hospital....The doctors are telling me there trying to bring back sitting there nervous,scared,numb...I didn't know what to think! They come in and tell me "They tryed everything to bring him back, and there sorry" I'm screaming on the top of my lungs! holding my boyfriend, punching him punching the walls, screaming still, I try and call my mom and she's not answering the phone...I keep at it for about 5 mins or so. and I'm screaming and crying trying to tell my mom. Alexander is dead...I couldn't believe it..i couldn't and didn't want to believe it. Anthony went back in the room to go look at our son, I couldn't do it... Got back home and I couldn't walk into my house, me or Anthony.. finally had to do it...I started to cry all over again seeing all his things just the way we left it, I couldn't do it. My family and His family came and Anthony ended up going to his mom's house for a while..Then had to figure out funeral things...went to his service, I never went to a funeral in my life, and the start one I go to is my son's was beautiful like Alexander. After the service it was quite, it was lonely I never felt this way in my life. I'm 19 years old and I losted my son, I loved watching him grown how big he was getting I couldn't believe it. The doctors told me he was such a smart baby and he was healthy, and then this happens...he was my world he was the only thing I thought about. I'm trying to life my live as much as I can, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my son, he was part of my everyday. But what I can say now...I miss holding him, I miss kissing him, I miss waking up in the middle of the nights, walking around, singing to him, telling him I love you" He's the perfect angle in the skies. I want him to know I love him greatly and I will love him till the day I die, and get to have my son back in my arms, once again. I wake up every morning missing something, I go to bed not kissing you goodnight, the only thing I have to kiss at night is your pictures, and your around my neck everyday, and that gives me some smile...but it's not the same... I should be around your neck, Mommies are suppose to die before your children do, No mommy wants to go to there babies funeral. No mommy should go through this...but sadly we do. God has a plan for all of us and sometimes we don't like the plans hes made. But when one door closes another one opens...well it's suppose to be that way. I do anything for my son to be back, my life it's self. even thought my son is no longer with me...he was still a blessing from God, and don't take that for granted...or life because you never know what may happen to the love ones in your life...they could be gone in a blink of an eye :'( My heart aces every day, I didn't know what pain was untill my son left this world...Now every one is having babies, and thats hard to see them grown up when I know I won't see my son grown up and hear him say mommy and daddy for the first time, or his first steps, holidays are going to be hard for me, he didn't even have his first birthday cake...Im never going to see the day he runs to mommy for a hug, when he says I love you back. He's first tooth..He never had the chance...he went to early. I hate that I have so much too miss out on... I love you Alexander forever Mommy will be with you one day, don't forget about me baby boy. I Love my son, and what gets to me is that there's mom's out there that don't give a shit about there children and are crazy and do drugs... I did everything for my son and god takes MINE!! its not fair...I will love you for the rest of my life, Alexander! my little monkey boy.

Comments for My Little Monkey

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Nov 28, 2011
by: nikki

Desiree, Im in Yuma. My son Eli was airlifted to Phx Childrens Hospital. I travel to phx almost everyother weekend. If you need anyone to talk to, Im here. Let me know and will figure out a way to get in contact.


Nov 28, 2011
by: Nicole

Things Do happen for a reason. My son Eli was born 7.8.2011. Exact same day as my 2 yr old Isa. Eli was born in his amniotic sac and the nurses said it was lucky. On Nov 7 he was pronounced dead. You want to know the best thing about us? Our baby IS in heaven. I was reading other storys and how their older loved ones are not suffering...they are, an eternal death of suffering. We are all sinners but babys are children of God. I was not religious, at all! But I found Elis purpose on this earth, and now I am trying to find mine. We buried Eli the 14th, and I was baptized the 20th. I learned so much from this and one scripture that I was told in 2 Samuel about David who was depressed when his baby was sick. When he finally passed away, David got up, cleaned up and ate. His guards were confused, why now are you acting like your boy is ok. Hes dead! David said everything he does now can't bring him back, but one day I can go to him (in heaven). If we want to see our babys again, we have to go be with God. How do we do that? Live for Him. Praise Him, thank Him for what we have right now! Change your lives. Im 24 so dont think Im an old crazy religous lady. Sarai is 4 my oldest and knows who God is and we want to teach her His ways now. Isa is crazy, outrageous and fun. But everytime he touched the back of Elis head, he instantly calmed down, as if he knew Eli was an angel sent from above. You see, God loves us all so much and hurts seeing us sin. He wants us on the righteous path. Last yr when I was pregnant with Eli, I was mad. I didnt want him to be born in a broken home, the word divorce was in everyother sentence. But for some reason, while my husband was drunk, he called his sister and said, Nikki is pregnant and his name is Eli. 2 mons later I was pregnant and I didnt know the sex of the baby since i already had a boy and a girl. When he was born my husband cried Its a boy! Its Eli! I blame myself, the guilt is something I have alot of trouble with. Had I checked on him 5 mins earlier, I think he would still be here. But God has a plan. My sister in laws nephew also passed away. He was 4 days old, born premature. She was depressed and didnt want to talk to noone but for some reason she let me in. She said she didnt deserve this, that she never did anything wrong. I ask her God and she shrugged. We bought them bibles and I left her a book that helped me. 3 wks after he sons death, she finally laid him to rest. God loves us all. He doesnt want us to go to hell. He wants us to live an eternal life with Him. Find your calling. You will be amazed how He will move in you through our troubles.

Nov 27, 2011
My son died before I met him
by: Andrea

My son was born dead on June 21, 2011 at 39 weeks gestation. He was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He died because his placenta abrupted during labour. I have talked to other moms who have lost children and they say the hurt never goes away completely but it does get more manageable. I totally get what you say about "why would God take a child who is so loved and well cared for and allow other women who drink or do drugs during their pregnancy keep their children?"
I have struggled with this for the past 5 months and it is a huge source of anger for me. Another dumb thing that people say sometimes is "things happen for a reason." Well whatever, if there is a reason it wasn't something you did. You did everything right. Sometimes things just happen. I hope that it gets easier for you and I am so sorry that this happened to you.

Nov 14, 2011
I am so sorry
by: Katie

My son was born June 08, 2011 and died this past Sunday. I called him my milk monkey. I am so sorry that we are both going through this. We should be picking out Christmas toys, not mourning. My son was beautiful and perfect to me, as your child was to you. I am horrified that another mother has to go through this. I am trying to remember all the wonderful things about my son, I do not want his death to become the thing everyone defines him by. He was such a happy laid back little guy, he made me smile even when I was at my saddest. I pray that we will both be flooded with good memories and that we will see our children again.

Nov 09, 2011
A Mother's Loss
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. How do we make sense out of the death of an innocent baby? My best friend lost her first born many years ago. She went on to have three more children and is now the grandmother of four. She tells me her first born is always in her heart. She will always love him and long to hold him just once more.
I pray that you find the strength to move on with your life after this devastating loss. Be strong and just take your life one day at a time.
God Bless.

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