My Little Princess...

by Holly W
(Phoenix, Arizona)


Layla Louie LuLu -- My Yorkie <3

My baby girl.. my little princess.. my WORLD.. my best friend. passed away 2days ago.. at the AGE of 4. we bought her from a breeder when she was 4months old. She had no known health problems expect for allergies and lack of tear ducts in her eyes which we brought her to an eye specialist and had her on the best eye meds. She was so playful, loving, sweet, whenever i cryed she would lick away my tears. She had the best personality.. she made me laugh and smile in everything cute and funny she did. She was the light of my life and my family's life.

About a month ago she puked a few times and had bloody poops. She ate still and was lively and still herself but we were very worried and brought her 2 the vet, he gave us a list of tests and treatments that added up to 600$.. my mother and I thought wow thats alot.. lets just buy the meds for 200$ and see if she gets better if not we will do the tests. He gave her IV to hydrate her and sent us home with anti-vomiting meds and anti pooping meds. I gave her the meds and this special food for tummy upsets. She seemed to be doing 10x better. I was so relived and happy. We just went on and lived our lives with our little baby girl.!

On tuesday night she had an appotiment to go see becky, her groomer at petsmart. My mom drove her and i picked her up. She looked so cute with her little halloween bows in her hair. She came back thirsty as always and tired. I was so glad she was home safe we cuddle and went to sleep. Next day she wouldn't eat or drink. She slept ALL day .. we were getting worried. Sometimes she does act strange after being groomed cuz its not her favorite thing to mom booked her another appt for friday AM to be seen, we thought maybe the issue from before is coming back. She puked twice. But her main problem was not eating and drinking and just so sleepy. I started giving her water by injecting it in her mouth so she wouldn't dehydrate. We got her to eat little chicken before bed.

She and i went to sleep i woke up 2hours later to find her very uncomfortable and having fast rapid breathing. I ran to woke up my parents and my mom comforted her. We called an clinical open 24 hours the lady tryed 2 help.. told us to put honey on her gums.. she drank alot of water. She wanted to go into my grandma's room who she Loved SO MUCH .. we debated weather or not to bring her to the hospital or just wait 5hours till her appt time. We figured she would make it to the morning time.

My grandma woke us up saying "layla died"... We were ALL SOO SHOCKED!! We really never thought this would happen.. so soon. Just came on so soon and died SOOO Fast. I would not go NEAR the body.. i just CRYED and CRYED.. my parents said her tongue was hanging out and little while after she just bleed out alot of blood. My parents took her to the vet... we planned on having her cremated.

The doctor said he has NOOO idea what happened or what killed her. So we can choose to pay 500$ to have a 50/50 chance of knowing whats wrong by doing a dog autopsy.. the thought of my baby girl being cut apart KILLS me and makes me whole family and i SICK. We cant decide what to do. We want to know SO bad what killed our precious baby.. why her life was taking away at 4years old.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE any advice on what to do.. should we do it the horrible test that MAY or MAY not show wat killed her or just have her cremated and go on wondering WHY WHY WHY. what is the RIGHT thing to do.

I cant stop crying. i cant eat. i cant sleep. I want my baby back SO SO BAD. id give up anything to have her in my arms again. i Feel SOO MUCH GUILT. I keep thinking what if, what if, what if. I have millions of thoughts going on. I dont want to live without her. She deserved the LONGEST life and i feel we could have done more to make that happen..

She was the best girl in the world. I will love her till the day i die. <3
Thank you for reading this. I know my baby would have appreciated it.

Comments for My Little Princess...

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Aug 18, 2012
I know your feelings
by: Gail

I totally can relate to how you feel, I have just lost my beautiful 13 yr old malteese. She was the sweetest and most loved baby ever. I have no children, so she was my child. I am like you and others that have written I want her back so bad it is unreal. I just pray everyday that God we give me all the strength to get through it. I hope that you and all of your family hae started to heal. Please pray for us and I can promise that my prayers will go up for yall.

Jan 24, 2012
vet angered me too
by: Anonymous

I was told "go get $500 while my
dog is lying back in some room and I know most
vets are good,but I believe that they
really rape human's for the last dignity
of knowing..and I thought WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE IT..are you going to save him,or just
not treat him?? OMG..

but why CHARGE ME? you don't need xrays
to know when a animal is dying..he said
his heart stopped!! fact..
I knew that,I did CPR to get it going.
( i read up on dog illness for yrs)

insulting indeed. I tell you,I know
operations he said would be $3000.00
and then %20 he would not make it.
i let him pass,he was in a coma
but did i need the friggin bill to
remind me of now a huge burden on top
of my grief???

not knowing,it sounds to me like acute
kidney failure,sweety,you should be sure
it was sudden,and these babies are very
fragile..I tell you, they suffer like we do
from bad food,air,water.

PAY HIM FORWARD by doing right,and making your
voice heard for animal rights,and ecology.
you did do THE ONLY thing we can..when
the VETS put us in impossible means to
be good mommies.

Dec 22, 2011
Your Little Princess
by: Anonymous

Losing a loved pet is one of the most difficult grieving processes you will encounter. You never know if you did the right thing because they can't talk to you. And not really sure that vets are trained to assist either..........they seem more interested in their payment then the care of your loved one. In the last two months, lost my loved dog FORD and have not been able to pass a day without sobbing tears of regret - did I do the right thing...........if he could only tell me why he fell down and couldn't walk....why, why and why..........and not sure there is any answer other than "We know the hand of God when he places it on one of our Loved Ones". In the last two months I've gone to almost every site that deals with the loss of a pet. Most say the same thing...........the 5 steps or 7 steps and all of it is good but time is the only answer to the grief you are feeling over the loss of your loved one and especially so quickly. If only they could communicate their feelings. It might help to make it a little easier but would it really? Am so sorry for your loss. Completely understand how you feel.

Dec 04, 2011
by: Anonymous

Holly,, your tears aren't gonna stop for a while.. I lost my best friend June 2010 and it still hurts, and I still miss him in my life. I was a mess for at least 6 months. Our lives just change; and our lifestyle after we lose our dogs and it sucks... there's no pain like what you are going through and there's no easy fix. Personally I don't want another dog because I loved and adored my dog too much. Don't think right now,, just get thru one day at a time. Grief is hard; losing someone we love so completely is something we never get over; we just learn to live with the pain. May God comfort you in this awful pain you're in. We all here have been thru it and it's awful. keep posting and talking about it, that helps.

Nov 12, 2011
Sometimes we just never know
by: DerekD

I 5 year old doberman died 9 years ago.
She'd been such a lively energetic dog - then one day she started wetting herself in her sleep.
The she was messing out of both ends - it was the nastiest stuff, stained the concrete.
Many doctors, many visits, IV solutions, sonograms - and I and the doctors have no idea what happened to her.
The worst part was after she died, the doctor said "Oh yeah, oopps." What??? Really ???
Still don't know.
It's cause me to go round and round and round; was she poisoned, did she get into something, or did she just die young? I've pointed fingers, been judgmental, been crazy.
In the end - I will never know what really happened. I am left with just the lessons I've learned, that she taught me about life and love.
It does get better.

Nov 10, 2011
Lost pal
by: Anonymous

We lost our dog who was my best pal and it destroyed us. Believe it or not as soon as I got another one I felt much better and life was good. My best friend lost her's and she did the same and she said it did the same.

Oct 27, 2011
by: Cookie

I can understand that. You might be onto something. Does sound suspect. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. Good luck and god bless. Thanks for sharing.

Oct 26, 2011
layla ...
by: ME

we didnt choice to do the test.. the thought of her cut up killed me. so just getting her cremated :/ my family and i are worried she got poisoned at petsmart because she died 2days after being groomed :/ ahh idk !

Oct 24, 2011
by: Cookie

Please share with us when you find out about the cause of death for Layla and your tribute to her. Hope you will be feeling better soon.

Oct 23, 2011
Thank you...
by: holly

thank you everyone. i appreciate it so much! the more comments the better. each one made me cry so much. Im so glad people understand what am going threw. The pain seems 2 get worse each day. I just cant move, eat, sleep. I just cry till the point my eyes are SO puffy. I WANT HER BACK!

Oct 23, 2011
by: Anonymous

My baby girl Paisley just died 4 days ago. She was only 3. She was having similar symptoms as your dog. We found out that she had acute kidney failure. She was so sick we had to put her to sleep. I am heartbroken and want to cry all the time too. I want her back so bad. I understand your sadness. The pain is unbelievable.

Oct 23, 2011
Your Precious Layla
by: Cookie

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been through it many times. That was your baby and best buddy. Don't blame yourselves. You gave her a good life.

Find a Vet in your area that can give you a definitive answer on what really happened to your precious pup. A guesstimate is not acceptable.

If you are paying for an autopsy then you should know exactly what happened. Just like people. Your pet is no different.

Sounds like there was some internal injury. When they bled out it is usually internal trauma somehow but in your case maybe different.

Get an independent Vet, not your own, to do the internal autopsy. Have toxicology done as well. Have the pet sewn back up if possible if you are going to bury her somewhere. That way you will be satisfied with the results and can find some peace in all of this. Your pet will love you for it.

Think of the wonderful memories you had with her. Blowup a big picture of her and put on your bedroom wall. May God comfort you during this difficult time. I am so sorry.

Cookie in Virginia

Oct 23, 2011
They have our heart
by: Zoe

Please read all the way through.....My husband died of pancreatic cancer 10 days after he was diagnosed on march 21, 2010
We had a German shepherd named roxy
I did search and rescue with her she was retired but very healthy
On april 22, 2010 she was fine played outside etc
On April 23, 2010 I got up to feed her, she wouldn't eat
But drank tons of water she just went back up stairs and went to bed
About an hour later she seemed disoriented
Now shepherds are prone to seizures so that was what I thought had happened so I got her down the stairs and into the car to rush her to emergency vet, I was sure she would be fine I had lost my husband one month ago almost to the day she had to be fine
I walked her in they took her to the back
And the little girl who checked her in was having me sign the agreement to pay when the vet came out and put her hand on the paper
She said roxy had a cancer tumor on her pancreas and spleen
This particular cancer is not painful but it is very aggressive taking only months to grow so large that it tears the spleen and basically they bleed out
She wanted my permission to put her down
She said the cancer being so aggressive I would be buying days maybe a month or so. But I had just lost John
I was crying and saying operate on her save her I can't loose her too
Suddenly the dr was called to the back she came back about 20 minutes later she said roxy's heart had stopped they had gotten it started but I should come back
She was intubated but there was blood in her mouth she didnt know who I was she had lost so much blood her brain was affected
I had her put down, keeping her alive was for me not her.
I died some more on the inside that day ,first John then roxy
However my point is that this sounds very similar to what your dog had.
She has passed from you, I guess the question it came down to for me was what would show her respect not just for me.
Can your vet do like an X-ray there must be something they can do that is less invasive and not 500 dollars. If you had brought her in she was too weak to operate is the vet saying they would not know enough to treat her? Of course not the vet would have diagnosed her and that is what you need a diagnosis
There is no way to tell you what you should do
You need to take a deep breath and then decide what you need so that you will be able to heal, if you need to know to move forward then do it.
Just know you didn't do anything wrong. And if it is as I suspect taking her to the vet would have meant she would have passed in a sterile hospital rather than in the bed of someone she love with the people who loved her
There is no way to catch things like this she was with you she lived you AND you made sure she knew you cherished her.
Always remember when you find yourself unable to move from grief
One breath one step one day at a time

Oct 22, 2011
by: me

its eating me alive. all i can think of is she wants to be here.. she wants to be with her family. and i cant help her. i cant rescue her. i just want her back SO DAM BAD! ive never cryed this much in my LIFE. my eyes are so puffy i can barely see to type this :(

Oct 22, 2011
Loving Layla
by: Geoffrey Campbell

Dear Holly, ever since I lost my Miss Blue I have found much help in this site, and seeing the beautiful photograph of Layla, reading your touching, beautiful letter of your love for her and how much she meant to you, has helped me, for none of my family could understand my loss and grief. One thing that has helped me, and may possibly help you, is knowing not only does God love your Layla, but He who IS Love, has a wonderful surprise for you, for God has promised His children that eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, the wonderful things He has in store for us. Yet the grief we feel now is greater than words can tell, you can share this with your heavenly Father, who both, loves you and Layla. I wept as I read your letter, this site is helping me not only in the sense of encouragement, but to be more sympathetic to the grief and loss of others. Your message written in love, was so beautifully written that I felt love for Layla as I carefully read each word you composed. You are in my prayers dear Holly. Sincerely, a friend in Pennsylvania, USA

Oct 22, 2011
Your Princess

No. In my honest opinion, no. Let her rest. She gave you joy while you had her, and your heart is aching enough as it is. The only thing a test can do is hurt you. Youll second guess yourself forever.

You loved her, she loved you. Let her go now. I know it hurts, it hurts as much as losing a person. You can honor her by taking a portion of the money you were going to spend on her autopsy and donating it to a non kill shelter. In time you will probably honor her by letting another dog into your life, your heart, your home. She would love that.

There is a site called the If you havent gone there yet, please do. Bring a box of tissues and let yourself cry yourself silly.

She earned it.

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