My little Starr sunshine

by Patricia Lunn
(Melrose, NM USA)

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I am not even sure where to begin. I am the mother of 4 wonderful children -- 2 boys and 2 girls. I had been a single mom for years, I had never married I just had my children. They are my whole life, and I worked hard as a single mom supporting them by myself. Then I met a nice man and married. Due to some trouble, I was working two jobs. I was running 2 separate paper routes, in different towns. I was diagnosed with uterine cancer and had surgery and survived.

Then on April 7, 2007 the most horrible thing happened. We were coming home at 7am and hit black ice and had an accident. I lost my little Starr, she was only 7 yrs old. My 2 other children were hurt badly and I almost died from my injuries. The thing is I feel completely inside and can't seem to move forward. I go to my other children's activities in school and things but I feel like a robot.

For a while I was going to church but I make excuses not to do anything unless I have to. I feel very lonely, and I feel that my daughter was just forgotten and I want so much to be able to enjoy life again but I just feel empty inside.

My husband doesn't understand and I try to maintain a half-hearted life so that no one thinks I am stupid. But I miss my daughter so much and I keep trying to find ways to bring her back or try to figure out what I did that could have changed things. Please help if you know what I can do to return to the land of the living.

She was the absolute sunshine in the eyes of the community and definitely in my life. Starr always made me smile no matter what or how bad my day has been Starr could always make me smile and forget my troubles. I miss her so much, and I blame myself for her passing. Although I know she is in heaven and having the best time of her life.

I truly miss her and sometime I am so depressed that I can't seem to deal with anything. I feel so very helpless and sometimes hopeless. Starr means the world to me and I feel like I have failed my other children because I was driving the Suv when we hit the black ice and rolled 4 times. I feel like I let them down because I caused the death of their sister and the injuries they received. I don't know what to do because I lost my daughter and I know others have experienced the same and how do you get through each day. I am having trouble dealing with the fact I was driving and I killed her. I thought I was a better driver than I was that day. I love my Starr.