My Love My Life
(Lakewood, CO US)
Savannah was treasured by everyone who met her. She was more than a dog. Everyone said so. She had human qualities that were absolutely amazing. I always felt that she chose me.
She came to me when she was only 8 weeks old. I was in the process of grieving the loss of my children. They had uninvited me out of their lives. My ex brought Savannah home to me just 10 minutes before I was going to work. I prayed all day that I would not take her because of the heart pain I would suffer in the end. I've had enough heart pain in my life. I just couldn't take one more. When I got home from work that day, she was so happy to see me. She wanted only me. My ex told me that he hadn't fed her all day. That's when I decided that I would keep her for my own.
We had 10 wonderful years together. She was at my side every minute of the day. I did everything for her ignoring myself much of the time. I bought the car for her and I moved in to a new place for her. She was diagnosed with diabetes 2 months ago. On July 15, I moved us across the street to another townhouse where there were no stairs for her to climb. I can't stand being here now, but I signed a 1 year lease. Hopefully, it will get easier. Her little hips were beginning to give out. After trying to give her insulin injections and her crying every time I did, I decided to find another vet to care for her. I asked him if he ever had success in treating diabetes without insulin. It was a proven fact that he had. We took her off the insulin and his treatment plan began to work. Her glucose level had dropped and we were definitely making progress. She was returning to her old self. However, a week later, she quit eating and it turned out that she was suffering pancreatitis. Seven days later, DOC said he wanted to admit her so they could be there for anything that came up. The next day, I went in to see her and she couldn't stand up. She had lost 20 pounds and all you could feel were her bones. I had also told her that if she felt she needed to leave that she could. I would truly miss her, but I didn't want her to suffer any more. That morning DOC strongly recommended that we get her back on insulin. I said, of course. He gave her her insulin and we thought everything was going to be fine. I was already making plans to bring her home with me. Just two hours after I returned home, he called me to let me know that her heart had stopped and she was gone.
Since then, I'm so lost and everything little thing grabs my stomach. My chest hurts and at times, my arm goes numb. I just pray that I'm taken back to her. Unfortunately, this so called benevolent being feels that I have more to do here, I suppose.
The only thing I have control over is my eating. I choose not to eat. I thought Savannah and I had made a commitment to go together. I was sure that if I didn't go with her, I would very shortly. I can't live in this life without her. As I said, before, she was my life and my thread with life. It's snapped and it's no more.