My Love Our Life
He was found by our child lifeless. They told us it was a suicide. He had been ill for several years, but I did not believe that he would leave us like that. I knew he loved our children and me, he was a fighter. I went along with what they told me for months, then requested the police report. None of it made sense. It has been months now and waiting to be clear, mentally, emotionally, physically and now today it still does not make sense.
Someone said they were there and saw him, prior to him leaving us. The crime scene was not at all in any way investigated to prove he did this.
Today 7 months later and I am a wreck, in a community where we have no family. They were all here in the first two weeks and now it is scarce. How do you deal with 25 years of marriage, to maybe they took their own life to maybe it was foul play?
People think you are in denial, your crazy, but the proof was not proven, how do you deal with the love of your heart, your best friend, your partner, the other half of your parenting to not be there?
I miss him so bad I am so sad. I want to move forward, I want to sleep, I want to work, I want to be in public, I try daily to try. I pray I pray I pray, I want to know what happened to him. I am crying so bad right now, I want him back, I still love him I was married and now I am not.
I want justification for him, for our children, for us. He is gone and no amount of money or prayer will bring him back or make it better.
How do you move forward with out him.
Doing everyday tasks that he did for us, now we have to learn how to do these things, how do you do this without all the emotion that goes with it.
How do you move forward with out how he left us in question, although you know one thing he is not here.
Today again 7 months later they are revisiting his death after they did not investigate it the first time, the pain of this is so alone and unbelievable. Really want to make it through just one day with out crying, the chest pains, the longing for him.
I know others have made it and I am not alone, but today I am alone and so very sad. I love him more than he will ever know, what do you do with that?