My love. James died suddenly and unexpectedly in July 2011. He had flu, that was all. Yes it was a bad one(I had been very unwell a couple of weeks before), but it was still flu. He had been to Drs, was doing all the right things and I was being so supportive. I came home, my son, 13, had done CPR, ambulance etc but he died.
I had left for work that morning for a breakfast meeting, had him all set up with meds, food, drink phone etc. And I never got to say goodbye, neither did any of the children. We were just living and he died. It isnt fair
He was the absolute love of my life. Our love was awesome. He was my life. We made 3 beautiful children and lived a simple but wonderful life. I worked and he looked after me and the kids. We had out ups and downs..Definitely more ups than downs. He was the best father and husband. he was my lover, my confidante and my best friend.
Its been 5 months this week.
It feels like 5 mins and feels like eternity. I had to go back to work quickly.Its been hard. I miss him so much. It doesnt matter how much you read or hear about managing grief, nothing compares to your own journey. It hurts so much.
Our children are wonderful and are experiencing so many positive life experiences that seem to reinforce their and my loss. I am so proud yet so sad. Christmas is coming and I am frightened abut managing this. I've been good till now, but I cant put up the tree or ..
I've done the santa thing. Its like going through mechanics. I feel like a machine just going through the motions
I love him so much and am so lost
I know it will get better and be OK, ah.. it is hard
James - the love of my life. I miss you more than words can express
I miss him so much