My Love

by helen

My husband died on the 1st November 2011, he went into hospital on 6th October.
He had bowel cancer 7 years ago and survived after major surgery, he fractured his fema bone 2 years ago 2009, the same time our daughter was in hospital very ill admitted same day, turns out she had diverticulitus a massive abscess and had to have major surgery now she has a stoma bag.
well 2010 they were both in hospital again same month October through to November Deborah another abscess and John (HUBBBY)
the bolts holding the pins had come loose and had to be removed he had always complained of back ache and they thought this was the problem, they both came home same day 2 years in a row mum lets pray not a 3rd time.
Well John had an appointment at the hospital for check up and we told them he still had back ache oh just a coincidence see your g p, and we did and we had pain killers so many times and physio paid out for private chiropractor . He would sleep sitting up or on the couch for months, we moved in June to a smaller house we still have three grown up sons who live with us. we changed doctors who asked for emergency appointment at hospital, we waited he dad physio at home as his walking getting so bad and his pain all day all night we would be seeing to him 24=7 I was buying all these different oils to rub in his back tens machines heat pads you name it I was on it
He went for an A & E X RAY 2 weeks before he begged for the pain to go they sent him home with co- codamol he had had morphine from new doctor on and off patches and liquid he had a commode delivered as he couldn't hardly stand on 6th October we asked the doctor for an ambulance as he was crying so distressed, they done some tests asked lot questions he was admitted this was a Thursday, he had ct scans etc we visited each day with hope still thinking it was a trapped nerve etc on the Monday I got a phone call to go in as doctor wanted to see me with John Neil our 2nd eldest was with me then they told us spine cancer and in bowel ling and liver and more or less that was it stage 4 the doctor who had done his cancer op before was there and said we will get him to hospital in Glasgow for radio therapy no chemo as he had problem with kidney last time, but we had to wait for the top doctor at this hospital to give the ok in other words if it was worth it and he was on holiday for a week, so then they send in the pain management we want you to have no pain John in other words just lie there and be good and be nice and dopey well the week came and John looked like a skeleton the monday we had to wait and see if he was going the doctor from his bedside was very cold and made John cry he said wasn't sure if he was going or not in other words no hope but the phone call we got was yes he was going there that evening.
We went to see him on the Wednesday such a hard place to get to he looked so awful he had one radio therapy old fashioned type and we found out he arrived at this hospital with a blood infection and urine infection on drips etc he just went down hill each visit was a new awareness also his mind was wandering apparently he was given 80mgs morphine when should have bee 50mgs also antiinflamitorys even though he had ulcers in the past they said would help the tumour as said it was a lot bigger than first thought I went in to see him on Sunday on my own God sent me I spent nearly 4hours with him because God knew what Monday was going to be like
i got 2 phone calla through Monday he had suffered a stomach bleed and on transfusion and was very poorly at 8 at night and the only driver Neil who has kidney problems finding the hospital at night I said I would come Tuesday, but my heart told me otherwise we got a call 3-10 am 1st November that he passed t 3 am we were all awake no one can prepare you the heart rendering pain that rips through your gut and the brain goes into shut down, leaving out the funeral which was low key and family in a woodland no priests just us and God and our own words from the heart and his flowers tulips and small bunch red roses from me each of us place these flowers our 5 children 3 grandchildren my mum and brother and we said goodbye until the morning when Jesus calls us.
Over these last few weeks the strength God gave me to always be hopeful faithful while he was ill all those months suddenly dawned on me without His strength I would not have been able to manage. It is so hard sometimes I feel my heart will break as we have never been apart for so long after 40 years together m sons are great the eldest keeps a lot inside the youngest Colin crys a lot he is 32 and we cry and I cry at strange times its the little things when you open a drawer and there are his things, I had to fold his clothes neatly waiting to give them to someone who needs them as they were hanging there waiting for him in thr wardrobe, also they sent a bed for him over a week before he died as he was going to come home it was downstairs all those days waiting for him I could write a book on so many mistakes that were made I did some checking and any one with chronic back ache who has had cancer is a red flag and serious too late now, we as a family did all we could all the letters for the hospital came when he was in hospital all too late, I feel so angry and when before it was like banging your head against a wall trying to well doctors get a move on something is wrong how many times does this happen how many people suffer so much. MY life will never be the same I feel him every where I look for him I miss him so much thank you for sharing this I needed to tell someone Helen

Comments for My Love

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Jan 07, 2012
Sorry for your loss
by: Sheila

I am so sorry to read of your loss. I can not imagine how difficult this has been for you and your family. I hope that you are able to surround yourself with supportive people who allow you to grieve in your own personal way.

Reading your story, your family's experience with the medical system in Scotland has made me aware that it does not matter where you live (I am in Canada) we are all forced to put our health in the hands of people who know they have the control. I lost my mother 4 weeks ago (her name was Helen also)and I whole-heartedly believe that she would be alive today had the doctors been more proactive in trying to find out what was wrong with her. There were so many mistakes made and so much neglect that I no longer trust the medical profession.

Maybe one day we will be able to assure that no other family has to suffer this loss due to physician arrogance and dismissiveness.

Jan 06, 2012
Your Love
by: Judith in Californiaj

Helen, your story saddens me and makes me angry at the same time. How horrible for you to go through all of that. I want to scream at those doctors. Please know while you may not think it now , you will get past this to a more less grieving time. It won't go away completely but it will come and go like an awful roller coaster ride.
I'm 15 months into my loss and even though I'm not crying so much every day I'm still cry at least monthly but still wanting "OUR" life back.

What you went through it terrible and I wish I could hug you and make it better for you.

God is there for strength please call on him .

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