My Lovely Daddy

by Lina

I was 8 years old when my father died because of a heart attack. Now I am 18 years old and in some days I will have lived 10 years without him.

My dad was my weakness, something that I guess is normal for a little girl, and I was his weakness. He was the smartest and most kind person you'd ever meet. No matter what his problems were, he would go through them alone.
He was a civil engineer and a workacholic too...Which was why he smoked 6 packs of chigarettes EVERY SINGLE DAY...

Before the last heart attack, he had another heart attack 5 months before. The doctors told him to start a healthy diet, quit smoking, and sleep more than 4-5 hours like he usually slept. Everything was good at first until my mother realized that he secretly started smoking again and that he had stoped his medication....

Then one day he started feeling sick..He didn't want to call the hospital..But my mom called them..Then he denied leaning on a wheel chair, he didn't want to look weak...Then he died...

The 4 first days I was miserable... But for the last years I can't stop asking WHY???
Why MY father??? Why was he so stubborn??? Why couldn't he stop smoking??? Why didn't he go to the doctors??? Why do I have to live the rset of my life with a memory???? A memory that every single day I am afraid it will fade more and more...

I feel scared and overwhelmed. I feel that I am half dead. I feel guilty that my life goes on, that this year i am going to college, and he is not here to see me grow up, he won't see his grandchildren.

There are so many feelings inside of me that anything I say just isn't enough... Just the way my love for you and how much I miss you cannot be described through those words...I hope you see me from wherever you are, and forgive me for being mad at you!!!

I'll always love you

Comments for My Lovely Daddy

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Aug 17, 2012
so sorry
by: Sarah

It is awful to lose your daddy. I am so sorry. He did not realize properly that his smoking and stopping his medication was going to lead to him dying, just like when we eat too much ice cream we don;t think we are going to get fat. We just do what we do because in that moment we feel better. We all do it, and just like your dad, we are all human. If he had known you were going to spend years of your life grieving for what you lost, he would have done what he could not to smoke and to work less. For him it was a fatal mistake, not just a little mistake and it has hurt you terribly. I am so sorry. Maybe make a book about all the good moments you remember of him and remember that he loved you dearly. you had his love. Not for long, but you DID have it. I am sorry you are hurting

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