My lovely Ma

by Louise
(Snellville, ga)

My grandmother died May 5 and was 95 year old. She was the spark in my life. I had such a connection to my grandmother that I could considered her my mother. Her daughter, my mother and I do not have a good relationship. My mother kicked me out twice and I grew up with my dad. However, I still went to visit and stayed with my grandmother. She use to help me with Math and we talked. I always enjoyed the time we had together.
Between the time, my grandmother passed and her funeral, my husband and I had two arguements. One over a gun and obtaining a conceil license. The other, he wanting to attend a bike meeting on the same day we planned to visit my grandmother sister (great aunt), which I did not know I had. I couldn't even get her in ground and had to deal with his foolishness. It is something that I did not need. All it did was get me angry.
After her death, I found out that she left me and her younger daughter in charge of her funeral. This was a honor but extream stress. I cried because I did not know where the money would come from but knew there had to be a funeral. Somehow, we made it happen and came up with the funds and the service was lovely. Naturally, with any funeral there is always family drama. Due to internal family drama, I did not allow a eulogy - it was written in the program. Due to this, her son created another program and handed it out during the service.
Now that my grandmother is in her final resting place, my husband and I are fighting. I told him that I respect him as a friend but finding it hard in heart to be with him sexually as my husband.
Right now he is so mad at me. Asking me if I want to have a divorce and got what I wanted.

I am so tired that I don't care anymore. I don't care if we are married or not. My only problem is we have a child.

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Jul 03, 2012
My lovely Ma
by: Doreen U.K.

Louise I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I am sorry also for the loss of the relationship between you and your husband and for the difficulty you are both going through at this time. I don't know why it is. But often after a death comes fractures in the family and unresolved problems keep pressing to be resolved and just intensifies our grief. When in grief the marriage bed is the first thing to suffer. When one is angry or upset sex is the last thing on one's mind. Perhaps just a little space to work things out may be just what you both need. It is so easy to just give up because it takes too much energy to work things out. Grief wears one out. It is not the time to tackle difficult issues. Try and go see a bereavement counsellor. Just having this space to be yourself and talk about your feelings may be all that is needed to help you back on track. You have issues around your mother that perhaps have not been resolved and this may spill over into your marriage and cause more problems. Being in counselling will help you to resolve some of these issues. This may be the reason your husband made other plans so he would not be in a place that was uncomfortable for him. Sort of like an escape. Escape is a man thing. Something they need. It took me a long time in counselling to resolve my issues and I became a more whole person and what used to irritate me actually became a springboard that put me on the right track. I lost being so overly sensitive. This helped my husband because I became a different person. I became happier and it was as if the counsellor gave me my life back. I have no regrets. I hope that you can work things out and life will get better for you all.

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