my lovely mum

I lost my mum on 3rd April this year. I knew it was inevitable because my mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer two months before. But the pace at which the disease took her was shocking and up until a week before no doctor had given us any indication of a timescale. We were struggling on with caring for Mum to the best of our ability thinking we had lots of time left with her. The end came quickly when she was admitted to a hospice for end of life care. This care was wonderful but I didn't realise it meant the withdrawal of all her medications immediately which meant she drifted away within 5 days. She was comfortable and her end was peaceful but it came as a shock for her to go so quickly. I don't know if having more time would have made it easier or not. At the time of her passing I just felt totally numb - I didn't really know how to react. I just felt incapable of feeling anything and was busy worrying for my Dad and my sisters. It's now nearly four months since my Mum died but I am finding life very difficult. I miss her so much - no more phone calls inquiring about my boys, asking how we are. She was the one person in my life who took most interest in me - loved me unconditionally and was always there for me. I can picture her warm welcome when we visited, such delight to see us and her fond farewells when we left, waving us off til we were out of sight. I still have moments where it hits me afresh that I won't be talking to her ever again and it just makes me well up with tears. I have tried to stop going over the detail of the last few months of her life as it was harrowing and so distressing to witness but these memories are the most vivid I have as they are the most recent. I am struggling the huge loss I feel, it is debilitating and affecting my whole ability to get on with my life. I don't really have anyone to discuss it with as none of my friends have experienced it. Nobody mentions it to me anymore - everyone assumes it's along time ago now and life just goes on. I don't really know how to move forward as thinking of my Mum just sets me off every time but I certainly don't want to not be thinking of her often. At the moment my first and last thoughts of everyday are of her - and very often in between. I wonder will there come a time when thinking of her brings a smile and not tears?

Comments for my lovely mum

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Jul 29, 2012
May her Soul rest in peace....
by: A. Hamid

Its sad to see them turn away from us just like that, yet we do have no any other reserved alternatives, but the other side of it is that, while you are actually wishing she was here for you, remember God might have aswell wanted her with him, even though HE does no HE's giving you a hard time, but you probably have to be Happy that God has call on him, out of a many billions of people, she has been one of the special people that God had remembered on that day, so all you have to do now is stay strong, pull your self together and believe me she is still with you even though you might see her again in body, but spiritually shes still with you. So pray and always know you have her with you no matter what. And do not give up to life, to lie down resign to faith is to be crippled, as man musnt rest, you have to stay strong to be able to go on with your life but do not forget to always pray for her and talk to her about your love. She can hear you believe me!!!

Jul 29, 2012
my lovely mum
by: Doreen U.K

Dear Brokenhearted. I am sorry for your loss of your lovely mum. You must be from the U.K. because you say mum and not mom. I know how you feel with the grief of loss. it has been 11 weeks for me losing my husband of 44yrs. marriage. We were together for 47yrs. Grief knows no language or boundaries. It is the same for all of us losing someone close to us. The days are EMPTY & LONELY. We wonder how we will fill in the hours or lonely days. Time is all we have too much of, and whilst there will always be things to do. There is also the times we are all alone and everyone has gone their own way and doing their own things. This is what life is like for us who are left. If one is hungry we eat. ill we take medication. Grief. Nothing but time. Time can seem like forever till grief changes us. We don't know how to go on without our loved ones. They were such an integral part of our lives. We can never imagine that changing. One Saturday I did get to ponder. I was expecting 6 for every Saturday lunch. I got to thinking. What would I do if this suddenly changed? How would I cope? I felt a chill and changed my thinking process. 3yrs. later this all changed. Now it is only me left. I have every meal by myself. On my daughters 2 days off. She will be here othewise I am all ALONE. Things can change so fast and change our lives forever. It takes time but you will smile again and your tears will be less. For me it has been 9 years and I have only just been able to put my mother's picture frame up on the wall with all the others. Let the memories come. They are unwinding from your memory. You will get new memories to replace the recent ones of illness. For me my husband was dying over 3yrs. of cancer so I still have all the bad memories of him dying. I have also had a few other's. But I can't remember what life was like before cancer. These are the memories I want back. Of Steve working all over the world and coming home and me making pizza's and his favourite home cooked meals. times out when the children were growing up. Steve liked watching western movies, and sport and I have to watch them on my own. IT HURTS. You are not ALONE. I hope your days ahead will get easier and more manageable.

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