My lovely son leighton
by Julia Edwards
(Clwyd N. Wales)
Leighton hugging lloyd his bro
My son leighton was 22 when he died. He died on xmas day 2010. I have three sons, ages 29, 25 and 22. My middle son liam and I went to get leighton to bring him to my partners home for xmas lunch. we got to our flat at 12.30. the flat door was open, not locked, we shouted him, i looked in the front room and liam went into the bathroom,then i heard the most horrible scream from liam.....and he wouldnt let me go in the bathroom, but i went in....leighton was dead....he had tied the dogs lead around his neck, and onto the shower head rail, he had slumped to his knees and hung himself.
this was a cry for help that had gone wrong, he had been drinking all day with his dad, and then went on to drugs, which he did after drink occasionally. he phoned me at 8.30 xmas eve, his voice was flat and i begged him to come to us as he said he was going to, but he said no, i am going to my brothers liams, i said please son don't be on your own on xmas eve......he assured me that he was going to liams, so i said, i will pick you up in the morning to come for lunch with liam, he said ok mum see you 2m........
My feelings of guilt have overwhelmed me, I should have gone and got him xmas eve, brought him to me....why did he do this, he wanted to scare me, as he had done no end of times.....but he collapsed, and we weren't there to save him, .....his depression didn't help, and i used to say to him...please leight stop doing that stuff it's going to kill you one day....and he said your right mum, am stopping it.
every day i cry, every day i miss him, we were so close, every day i ask why????? i feel as though i am not going to last much longer, cos the pain i have is overwhelming at times......i just want my son back, to hold him and tell him that i love him with all my heart. i have buried leight in a new plot, and my other sons know that there is a place for me when it is my time. i will see leighton again one day ......until then...stay close too me son, i love you with all my heart xxxxxxxx