My lovely wife. She was only 45.

by Paul Kapitapita
(Harare, Zimbabwe)

(By Paul, Harare, Zimbabwe)

It’s almost a month now when I lost the best and only greatest living being I so much cherished and loved in life, my wife Grace. She was 45. We have been together for 27years. She was so lovely, cute, beautiful, quite and we were so much in love. We met when she was seventeen and I was 22 years. A year later we married, at a very young age. We had our first daughter that following year. None of our parents accepted the union at first and they thought we would break-up soon. But as time passed, they learnt to accept our marriage. Through zeal, hard work and professional advancement, we held very good positions at both work and in society. How it all happened was like this. Our daughter had a wedding ceremony on 8th of September. Two weeks later my wife suffered a massive stroke which paralyzed the right hand side. I took her to the best hospital in the city with best medical care, She was treated there and a week and a half later was discharged. She started undergoing physiotherapy and within three weeks, she recovered very well. She could walk around the yard at our house and life was coming back to normal. The last medical review prior to her death showed that everything was fine. A week before her death, I had taken a five days leave from work, to spend time with her. That same week, we had one of the best & wonderful times of our life. It was like a sign that something was coming to an end. We spent almost every hour together. I really enjoyed smelling her, holding her and feeling her by my side each minute. Then on 24th October, just a day before I returned to work she passed away. That morning, we had a late breakfast together at 11:00 a.m. I left home to visit a friend and on my way, I got a call that she was having difficulties breathing. I had only been away from the house for 20-minutes. I rushed back home. It took me only 15 minutes to get back home but she died before my arrival. When I arrived, I held her in my arms, looking at her crying. I could not believe that she indeed was gone. I tried to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to no avail. I really cried out loud for the first time in as many years. I took her to a local clinic but on arrival they advised me she was already dead. I was so much angry at myself (for leaving her to die) and at her, for not letting me know she would be leaving me that morning. I was not able to hold her hand when she had her last breath. I should have told her how much I love her and always will. She left me with so many unanswered questions. Everything was so sudden. It hurts so much. I am still in so much pain, shock and emptiness. I miss her so much. She left behind 2 lovely daughters and one granddaughter. My two daughters are mature married college graduates and they have managed to accept the situation. But I have failed, I see her most of the time in my sleep and even whenever I am alone and quite. Part of me died with her. I miss her so much and she will always occupy a special place in my heart. She is irreplaceable.

Comments for My lovely wife. She was only 45.

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Nov 23, 2013
My lovely wife. She was only 45.
by: Doreen UK

Paul I am sorry for your loss of your wife. I am happy that both your parents came around to you being married. Often parents can get it so wrong. My parents were the same and my husband and I had so much opposition and interference from both sides. We weathered the storms and went on to be married 44yrs. I lost him to cancer 18 months ago. He suffered 3yrs.39days before he died. I was his caregiver and I sat waiting for my miracle of healing and was surprised when He drew his last breath. I didn't say good-bye. I don't like good-byes and not ready to process this. I would have said "See you in the morning." because I do believe I will see him again when Jesus comes back for us as He promised.
don't beat yourself up for the things you didn't say or for your wife dying before you got home. Find a way to accept this. Feeling this way may just be part of your grief and will pass in time. Don't feel you have failed and your 2 daughter's have accepted the death of their mother. don't make this comparison. To lose a spouse is more painful. You feel as if half of you is missing. I felt my emotions fracture and in pieces and I couldn't function. I took 6 months to nurture myself back from grief. I healed better and now just go through the motions of my loss. If I didn't have the belief of eternal life to come I wouldn't see the point of going on in life. One can't surrender HOPE. When all else fails Hope keeps us going on in life and to survive another day. May God comfort you in your sorrow and loss and give you His Peace.

Nov 22, 2013
Paul, your wife
by: christine

Paul, I am so sorry for your loss. We know the emptiness and heartbreak you are going through. We to have lost someone very close to us. My only child, 38 years old left me one year ago. I still wait for him. He was the only one in my life. The pain is still very intense. The person I was is gone. I do look to God for strength and hope. Shedding tears is excellent therapy. The grieving process has no time limit. Keep coming to us, there are many caring people that understand what you are going through. You can share anything you feel. God bless you.

Nov 22, 2013
Don't be angry
by: Lawrence

Paul,
That is one of the saddest and most heartbreaking stories I have read for a long time, it is like she almost knew she was going to die.
I have a similar story; about two days before my own cherished wife died she said to me “I’m so glad I married you and thank you for looking after me “it was as if she knew her time was up, she died in the blink of an eye, one minute talking the next dying, we had been together for nearly seventy years and the shock was unbelievable.
Like you I miss the smell and everything about her, she was my life, she was the person I could confide in and tell her all my worries and stupid jokes to, I used to love singing and playing the organ to her whilst she played on her IPAD, we thought it would go on forever and never end, how naïve we were.
You must be asking how you will ever get over it, well truthfully you won’t, you will just accept it and needless to say the pain and anguish will get easier as the months pass.
I too have lovely daughters and lots of grandchildren and they are a great blessing but nothing can replace the person you loved more than life itself.
I saw her take her last breath, kissed her goodbye on her deathbed, closed her eyes and thanked her for a wonderful life; she was the first girl I ever kissed and the last, I was thankful and grateful I was there to do it, it was a privilege although it broke my heart.
Please don’t be angry with yourself, there was nothing you could do, it’s just called life and believe me she didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye and to say how much she loved you.
Can I give you any advice? Well, get out of the house and keep yourself busy, learn to play something, a musical instrument or a card game anything to stop yourself dwelling on your tragedy, I know it’s the last thing you would want to do but FORCE yourself, it certainly helped me.
There are no happy endings in life and sooner or later every loving couple will be parted by death, once again I repeat…it’s called LIFE.
From one heartbroken widower to another.
Take care
Lawrence

Nov 22, 2013
loss of wife
by: Mari

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. May God be with you at this difficult time. May you find healing in His wings.Know that she is with the Lord and one day you will see her again. Take care of yourself and keep posting because there are many caring people on this board. We who have also suffered loss understand the pain. You will need time and feel free to express your feelings. God bless you. Take things a day at a time. Mari

Nov 22, 2013
Dear Paul,
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my father suddenly in January. He suffered cardiac arrest and was gone. I am an adult woman with a family of my own, but I still can't come to terms with his death. On any given day, I have feelings of guilt, disbelief, shock, sadness and tremendous loss. The passing of time has made it a bit easier, but the grief still comes in waves, and I have learned to ride it out, and not to fight it. Sadly, we all must accept the new normal in our lives, and trust in our faith and our beliefs to keep us strong. I hope you find comfort here, and can begin to heal. Wishing you days filled with peace, Barb

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