My lover and life partner of 22 years is leaving

My lover is leaving me after 22 years. The pain is beyond description. I had no clue it was coming. We raised 2 beautiful girls, 28 and 29 now. He came to me and said I love you, you are my best friend, but I'm not in love with you. he said he may have never been.

He said that I was everything he wasn't and provided an emotional security that he needed. Now he has met someone else and is leaving. He says that he is not leaving to be with the other person. He is leaving to be on his own. The other person just made him realize that he needs to do this.

I am so devastated that I don't know if I can go on. I see nothing but sadness in my future.

Comments for My lover and life partner of 22 years is leaving

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Jul 09, 2012
My loer and life partner of 22years is leaving
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Brokenhearted,
I got to thinking of my post to you. Unfinished. I am expanding on this.
Your partner said HE LOVED YOU. But was never in love with you and probably never will be. Did he ever know what Love is? Did he exhibit Love to your girls whilst he had input in bringing them up with you? did he ever talk to you and let you know of any concerns in your relationship? Many people Love each other but are not in love with each other. THE LOVE has to be genuine. His LOVE has to be committed to you and the relationship. My husband worked all over the world. FOR HIS FAMILY. TO KEEP A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS. I didn't have the marriage or relationship I needed or wanted. I didn't have my needs met. But I looked at my Husbands level of COMMITTMENT to his family. I looked at what I needed to do to take care of my family. THAT WAS LOVE. I WAS COMMITTED. Come what may. I just got on with the job of mothering. When Steve came back from his jobs overseas and within our country of England. I baked. I made Pizza's. I did lots of cooking of Steve's favourite foods. I did what women do. Steve had self esteem issues. Many men have this problem. Some stray as a result. Why didn't your partner just have a trial separation? Why just walk away? Your partner may have a mid life crisis and when he comes to his senses may want to return to you? Would you take him back? You need to ask yourself these questions in case this becomes an issue in the future. WE were together for 44yrs. Steve died 8 weeks ago. NO REGRETS. Steve saw the depth of my love in being his caregiver for 3yrs.39days. Steve knew how much I loved him. Steve spent his whole life with abandonment issues. So even if he was Loved he couldn't feel it. He couldn't believe it. He felt unloved and unlovable. I couldn't convince him of my Love for him even by showing him. HE KNEW IT. But too late. He died. But he died Knowing that LOVE. OH! how my heart aches for him. MY LOVE FOR HIM BLEEDS through me. that is why my grief is so painfull. The deeper the love the deeper the pain.
Men do confide in other women. It is a fact of life. I can't understand why? It leaves the door open for an affair. Better to go to counselling. It does make a difference trying to resolve our past. Not all of it. But what can be resolved. I wish you every success and happiness in the days ahead.

Jul 07, 2012
My love and life partner of 22 years is leaving
by: Doreen England

Dear Brokenhearted,
I am sorry for your loss of relationship with your partner of 22years. It is so cruel. this is a loss and will cause you deep grief. This man sounds confused. I cannot understand how someone can give 22 years of their life to someone and then walk away from this relationship. You will be feeling so hurt and insecure. At the time it does feel as if you cannot go on anymore. You need to put some outside support in place for you to enable you to see things more clearly. You will then realize why this happened if you speak to a counsellor. You won't then beat yourself up wondering why? Sadly relationships break down for all sorts of reasons. My daughter-in-law sees no harm in befriending her ex boyfriend and her husband my son. My son doesn't like 3 in the relationship. the daughter-in-law doesn't think she is doing anything wrong by taking all 3 on holiday. It is a strange world we are living in. Your partner must have been gullible or either unhappy for him to listen to what some other woman says and sees this as time to walk away. You have invested 22years of your life with someone. It hurts like hell. This will probably make you feel that you will never love again or that no one will want you. This is why you need to resolve this is a counselling room so that you can move forward. Don't let this man steal your self-esteem. Make him the loser not you. What you have lost is someone who was not committed to the relationship. don't let it put you off. But saying this make sure you try to resolve any issues so you don't carry this around with you into another relationship. I wish you all the best with what you decide to do and hope that you don't give up.

Jul 07, 2012
Just breath for now
by: Anonymous

So very sorry for your pain...that was cruel to say she never loved you...I think it is not true...staying 22 years is quite an accomplishment..they did LOVE you...I think they are going thru crisis and are do you cope is the question now...just take deep breaths regularly and get thru each day....get involved to help a child, animals or whatever moves you...I lost my sweet Tony 3 mo ago...I was in denial and a victory to even get out of the I understand despair...I hve 2 dogs and a sister in another state who have been sounding boards too. Pray and KNOW GOD does have a plan. Peace to you...

Jul 07, 2012
Why Care?
by: Rose L

Why? Because God would not give you more than you could handle. Your children need you. They need you to show them how you cope when life gets tough. You can do this! You are much stronger than you know. Lean on God-I promise you He will provide the answers. How do I know? I lost my daughter last year, and I thought surely my life would end when hers did-but God has brought me on this journey-for a reason. That's enough for me!
Please feel free to contact me at if you need to vent, to pray or to aren't alone. There are many who will care-but only you can take the journey. If you ask God, He will take it with you, I promise.
Rose L.

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